Page 75 of Haunted By the Shadow of Death

“Soon,” she said.

I ran my hand over his face, brushed my fingers through his hair.

“So now what?” I asked, wondering what the full payment to her would entail but not caring. Kicks would live.

“We wait for word to spread, fear to grow, and then we strike again.”

So there would be a reprieve of a sort, but this would be a long, slow mental war against all who did her wrong, until they were living in abject fear. Considering what they’d done to our world, they deserved it. Anyone who’d had a part in this was getting off easy, in my opinion. But by the time this was done, I wasn’t sure what would be left of me. I could live with that, as long as the people I loved saw tomorrow.

It was hours I sat cradling Kicks’ body by the river. Death had agreed to save him, yet he hadn’t moved. I kept replaying the events in my head, trying to see if I’d made an error. If she’d saved him, why wasn’t he moving? Why hadn’t he opened his eyes? The sun was sinking in the sky, and I was beginning to fear that nothing had been negotiated at all.

I called out, “Death,” as loud as I dared, but she didn’t come.

At least his pulse felt stronger and his breathing was steady. I ran my hand over his hair again, as I had been doing nonstop for hours, hoping he could sense me, know he wasn’t alone.

It was fully dark when he finally shifted in my arms. His eyes fluttered open, his brow furrowing as he woke somewhere different. I could see him trying to piece together what had happened.

“I’m alive,” he said, sounding surprised.

“You are.”

He lifted himself up into a sitting position, looking around. “Where are we?”

“I’m not sure. About a four- or five-hour walk from Dirkin’s?” Or what had been Dirkin’s. When I was waiting for Kicks to wake up, I hadn’t thought about how I was going to tell him what happened. I hadn’t cared. I still didn’t, because it was the only reason he was alive. I had zero regrets.

He narrowed his eyes, trying to piece it together, as if he’d just forgotten.

“You couldn’t have carried me this far,” he said. “What did you do?” He was standing up, his movements stiffer than I’d ever seen.

I didn’t speak, just got up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He didn’t hesitate to hug me back, but I could feel the rigidness of his frame.

“Pips, what did you do to save me?” he asked softly.

I tightened my arms around him. “I struck a deal.” My voice wavered. I knew how’d he’d feel about it.

His body could’ve been carved from stone for how hard he went.

He pulled back, and I didn’t hang on.“What did you give in order to save me?”

I met his gaze. “Whatever she wanted, and I don’t regret it.”

His face fall. “Pips, you shouldn’t—”

“Don’t tell me what I shouldn’t have done,” I said, trying to keep myself together, but the damn tears started and wouldn’t stop. It was as if every tear I’d managed to hold back was pouring out of me now. He didn’t know what it was like watching him die, knowing it was my fault. How dare he judge me? “I’d do it again and again, no matter what the cost. Until you’re in that spot, you don’t get to tell me what I should’ve done until you’re the one sitting there watching someone die and you know you can save them.”

He nodded, taking me into his arms and tucking my head under his chin. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. I won’t leave you. We’ll figure out something.”

I sank into him, knowing that nothing was going to fix this. He knew it too. He’d said the words, but we both knew I’d crossed a line I couldn’t come back from.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

It took us two days to get back. The bike we’d found died at the base of the mountain road that led to the pack. We walked back into the Arkansas pack on foot, probably looking like we’d just escaped with our lives. We had. We’d changed our clothes, cleaned off in a river, but nothing about us looked the same. I definitely wasn’t the same, and the closer you looked, the more you could feel it. I could feel the change pulsing through me, changing me.

But something about the changes had been freeing. All my confusion—the debate on what to do, where to go—had disappeared. This was Kicks’ home. If I left, so would he. I wasn’t doing that to him, and screw anyone who thought I should. I didn’t care what the pack thought of me anymore. The only thing that mattered was Kicks. This was where he needed to be. The people here loved him, and he loved them. And it wasn’t just Kicks. Charlie would have a good life here if Kicks was the alpha, even if I became something beyond recognition. They deserved to have this place.

As we walked into the community, people came out of their homes and buildings. There was a mixture of expressions upon their faces, from smiles, as they saw Kicks, to fear, as they saw me. Some rushed forward. Some hung back, skeptical because I was beside him.

Evangeline rushed over to us, giving Kicks a fierce hug.

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