Page 5 of Haunted By the Shadow of Death

“That’s probably how I’d describe it.”

That was it. No other explanation on how long it had lasted? Was that because it was still going on? Exactly how messy was this?

I wasn’t an idiot. He was a grown man. Of course he’d had sex before I showed up. I just wasn’t expecting to encounter a situation like this on the way. Attacks? Sure. Ambushes, maybe a death or two? That too. But not this, and I needed a second to adjust to the fact that we were going to have a sleepover at his girlfriend’s house.

“But you two broke up?” I asked, praying this was going to be a yes, and he’d provide a timeline that went back at least a couple of months.

“We were never official enough to have a breakup. With the distance and all, it made things tougher. Then of course Death Day complicated it further.” He was leaning against a tree, as if this weren’t a problem.

“So where did you leave it? Is that door still open?” I tried to keep my voice calm, but was pretty sure I was beginning to lose that battle.

“Obviously not at this point, but it’s something that’s going to need a conversation. I haven’t talked to her since our situation changed.”

“And you’re going to have this conversation with her when we show up out of the blue?”

This entire situation was beginning to feel like a toddler using finger paints to make a Jackson Pollock painting.

“I don’t think it’s going to be avoidable, considering I’ll be walking in with you.” He threw up a hand and headed toward the stream.

“What if you weren’t walking in with me? Then what? Would you still tell her?”

He stiffened, stopping to look me squarely in the eye. “I’d still tell her about you. Although I’m not quite clear on how to explain this situation, since I don’t even know what it is. Since you’re so interested in labels, do you care to enlighten me as to what you consider us?”

I didn’t want to have this conversation, but I would. It was hard to avoid after my line of questioning.

“Why didn’t you take another mate before me?” I asked.

“Because I didn’t want to. I wasn’t in love with anyone.”

A flare of hope burned in my chest. He’d never spoken of feeling to me, but maybe there was something?

“But you weren’t in love with me, and you took me as a mate.”

“Our situation made sense. I wanted a guide, and you needed a better pack to be with.”

“Yes, I guess that’s logical.” Definitely not the stuff of fairytales, but sensible enough. What else could a girl ask for but a sturdy match that kept her alive?

I didn’t have a right to be mad. He’d made a logical decision. At no point had he said, “I’ve chosen you because I want you.” He’d always been truthful, more so than Duncan had. I shouldn’t be mad, and yet I wanted to leap on top of him and start whaling on him. I turned into the corner and crossed my arms to keep from punching him.

He walked closer. “We can still make this situation work for both of us if you want it to. Are we even going to try to make a go of it, or is this it?”

A go of what? He’d just confirmed what this was for him, and he thought it would be cool to bang each other on top? More convenient for him?

“I’m sorry if I’m taking a little longer than you to figure out what I want. I guess this isn’t exactly what I was expecting my future to look like.” My voice was as bitter as coffee sitting on a burner for five hours. I couldn’t seem to tone it down, even as I saw him jerk back slightly.

“With me?” he said, sounding like his brew was a bit overdone as well.

It wasn’t him. He was perfect as far as men went, if he cared about me at all beyond wanting a convenient partner for sex. The idea of asking him if he could possibly ever love me, or have any deeper feelings, was so distasteful I’d rather choke on my own vomit.

He nodded, as if my silence had said it all. My silence was just the tip of the iceberg buried in a whole lot of salty waters.

He took another step away from me, his back rigidly straight. “This isn’t what anyone expected, and whatever works for you, I’ll deal with it. But I need to know where we stand.”

That was the problem. I didn’t want to pretend we were more than we were, blissfully walking along into a briar patch where I got caught but he didn’t.

“I guess… I don’t know. I guess…”

“Pips, spit it out. I’m not a lovesick teen with blinders on. I’m trying to see where we’re at, and I’ll deal with whatever the situation is.” His voice was nearly cold.

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