Page 59 of Haunted By the Shadow of Death

“Yeah, sure.” It wasn’t okay, and after yesterday, I wasn’t sure anything was going to be okay.

For a little while there, I’d thought that even if Kicks and I didn’t end up having a love story, we’d at least have a decent life together. Maybe a friendship and peaceful existence. It had been a foolish thought. Before him, I’d thought I was going to be able to make a life at Groza’s pack. I was beginning to think of my life was a stand-up routine for God. He was probably laughing in the aisles at this point.

I tossed down my stick and turned to face Kicks. I’d barely spoken last night. It was pointless to even continue on with him today. I knew what had to happen. There was nothing left to do but get the hurt over with.

“I’m not going back with you.”

He’d been rolling up the blanket but froze. “What are you talking about? Of course you are.”

“No. I’m not.”

He looked too surprised to be hurt yet, but that would come. Unless he felt relieved. Either way, by the time this conversation was done, he’d probably be grateful I’d left of my own devices.

“You’d leave Charlie?” He spoke to me like he didn’t even know who I was.

“I have to.” My voice cracked.

What else could I do? I couldn’t stop her, or her plans. What would happen if this stole all my humanity and left nothing but a monster? What would become of Charlie? My leaving might be the only thing that would save him.

Kicks took a few meaningful steps toward me. “I won’t leave you out here alone, so you better tell me what’s going on.”

I’d had a feeling that this was the way it would go down. He really wouldn’t let me go until he heard the horrible truth. It was the only way he’d see this was the way it had to be. In truth, I’d wanted to tell him for so long. The only thing restraining me was the fear of his knowing what haunted me. The disgust I’d see in his eyes.

“You’re right. You have to know.” Keeping it from him wasn’t going to change it. No, it was time to deal with the inevitable.“I need some guarantees before I tell you.” I sat on the nearest boulder, feeling defeated because that was what I was. By telling him, I was accepting the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to stop her. I’d lost.

“I’ll try to do whatever you need,” he said, not hesitating.

I’d known he would. He’d probably do what I needed without my asking because that’s who he was. Part of me needed to hear the words anyway. I didn’t want an ounce of doubt in my mind that Charlie would be taken care of.

“I need to know you’ll take care of Charlie, protect him like he’s your own.” Kicks would be a good dad. He’d do what he had to for Charlie, protect him. Hell, he’d probably thought I was killing off his pack, and he’d protected me.

He grabbed my shoulders in a firm grip, dragging me up. “What do you imagine is going to happen to you?”

“I need you to promise to care for Charlie first, and then I’ll tell you everything.” I had to have those words from his lips. He’d honor his promise, no matter what he might think after he heard the truth. He was honorable, much more than I’d ever realized or could’ve hoped for.

“I give you my word I’ll care for him. Now tell me why you think you won’t be around.” Kicks was still holding me, and it was clear he wasn’t letting go until I spilled everything. “Pips, tell me.”

“I didn’t kill Zetti or Louise, and it’s not a guess or because Fifo said it. I know I didn’t.”

Here was the tough part. How much could one person hear before they went running and screaming from you? I didn’t know when it had happened, how it had happened, but he’d become my anchor, my security, my comfort. I didn’t want to see him look at me with revulsion.

“You might not believe this, but I’ve wanted to tell you since the moment I knew. I’m not sure you’ll want to hear it, though.” I wrapped my arms around myself. “It’s…terrifying, and that’s coming from someone who lived through Death Day and can kill with a touch. I’m not exaggerating this.” He’d want to know, just as I would. Kicks wasn’t one to stick his head in the sand. It was one of the things I admired and respected about him. He’d take the hard truth, no matter how ugly, over a prettily wrapped-up lie. It was more of a warning to prepare him for what I was sure he’d choose.

“Tell me anyway,” he said.

I looked around, wondering if Death would appear, and decided it didn’t matter anyway.

“Shortly after the ritual that changed me, the one we did in Groza’s garden, something happened. In addition to seeing some dead people and being able to kill people, I started seeing something that wasn’t a ghost, that wasn’t ever human or shifter or of this world.”

I shuddered, thinking back to the first time I’d seen Death, walking toward the dead body. It seemed even worse now, maybe because part of her was inside of me.

“I’m not sure what you’d call her, but I call her Death. Maybe most would call her the Grim Reaper. I don’t know what her true name is, as I’ve never asked. I hear her when she’s coming, and then I see her go to the dead and collect their souls. But she doesn’t just come for them anymore. She talks to me as well. She’s the one who’s been killing people around me.”

He let go of me and stood still for a second. He didn’t look scared, exactly, but he was a far cry from his typical at-ease appearance.

“You’re saying Death killed my pack members?” he asked. “You’re sure this thing you’re seeing is Death?”

It sounded insane. Maybe he wouldn’t think of me as a monster, more criminally insane. Was that better or worse?

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