Page 53 of Haunted By the Shadow of Death

I was still in the same spot when Kicks finally came back. I doubted he’d gone far. He wouldn’t have been out of earshot, or at least I didn’t think.

His flesh was clean, his hair wet. The stream had to have been freezing, but the cold never did bother him, not like me.

The other difference in him was immediately obvious. All the sharp edges were smoothed out.

“Are you okay?” he asked, sounding calmer than he had been.

“I’m fine. You?”

“When I shift, my emotions run closer to the surface, but I’m better now.”

“Makes sense,” I said. It didn’t matter. Most important was he wasn’t revved up to a ten anymore, and neither was I. We’d both seemed to reset in the last few hours.

He took a branch and poked at the fire. “Are you hungry? I can go get us something to eat.”

“I’m okay. I ate some protein bars.”

He then moved about the camp, and I tried not to haunt his every step with my stare. He finally settled down, making it easier to keep track of him.

He stared into the fire. “Is Blondie dead? I heard her body drop.”

Wrong or right, I hadn’t planned on telling anyone what had happened to Blondie, especially not him. It felt like adding another brick in the wall that was going up between us, partially by my doing. I wasn’t in the mood for wall building tonight, or seeing the look of distrust that was going to come with it.

“She’s dead. Not intentionally, but yes.”

He nodded.

This wouldn’t be the end. I waited, knowing it was coming.

“How did she die? Do you know?” he asked, proving me right.

“No,” I said, hating the lie I couldn’t stop myself from saying.

He turned my way, looking as distrustful as I feared. At some point I might feel bad enough to divulge my secret, but not yet, not when I still couldn’t wrap my head around what I was becoming.

“You’re lying. I know you’re lying. Even if I didn’t see it in your eyes, I can smell the lie on you. You know something about what’s happening and you won’t tell me.”

He was staring at me so intensely that I almost caved and told him everything. I wanted to tell him until I imagined the shock, aversion, and disgust he’d feel. He’d run away from me as fast as he could because it was the only sane thing to do.

He could’ve trusted the old Piper, the one who would’ve told him what was going on. Not the thing I was becoming.

“I can feel the change in you,” he said. “I’m not just talking about picking up on your moods. I can physically sense it.”

He waited, as if he thought this would make me talk. It didn’t. He thought he wanted to know what was wrong. He didn’t. I knew, given the choice, I’d have no part of this.

“I didn’t imagine our relationship would ever be like this,” he said, sounding as if he were giving up on me.

The words felt like someone taking a sledgehammer to whatever hope I had left in me. I stayed silent because I couldn’t bear to speak at this point.

He continued to stare at me, but I wouldn’t look at him. It was too hard. I didn’t know what to say, how to tell him what I was becoming. I didn’t want to see the revulsion in his eyes. I’d rather he think I was too screwed up to trust him than know the truth. Somehow even that seemed better than telling him.

“I won’t come back to the pack with you. I just need to figure out where I’m going,” I said a few minutes later.

“You can’t leave. You’ll be dead,” he said.

“I won’t, and it’s not your problem anyway.” I’d make it work. One way or another, I’d have to.

“I don’t walk away from my obligations.”

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