Page 35 of Haunted By the Shadow of Death

I rose before the sun with my thoughts already spinning. I was so distracted I didn’t notice Kicks lying on the floor until it was too late. I fell onto him, hearing a grunt as my knee connected with a sensitive spot.

“Oh no, are you okay?” I scrambled off him, my heart pounding.

Kicks nodded but held up a finger, silently asking for a moment.

“It’s not my fault,” I said, grimacing as he looked as if he could barely breathe. “I didn’t expect you to be there.”

Waiting for him to compose himself, I noticed the blanket and pillow on the floor.

“You slept here?” I asked, my voice sounding smaller somehow.

“Yes,” he replied, running a hand through his disheveled hair as he finally got to his feet. “It was bothering you that I was sleeping at the mill.”

Hope sparked in my chest. Maybe he hadn’t been with anyone else recently? Rastin’s advice echoed in my mind: you don’t walk away from a man like Kicks. He was right, but I didn’t see a way forward.

“Thanks,” I said.

“I wanted to talk to you before Charlie got up. I know you were looking at the maps, and I can guess why.”

This was no surprise. I’d left handwritten notes of possible places I could live and be self-sufficient on different pages. Most of the places were near small bodies of water, where fishing might be feasible. The maps had a layer of dust and seemed like they’d never been used. Who would imagine he’d suddenly want to look at them?

“I don’t want to leave, but I can’t shake the feeling that it might come to that,” I said. I’d never wanted to lie about it. Part of me still hoped some miracle would occur that would allow me to make a home here with Charlie and, yes, Kicks.

“I reached out to the guide in California. He couldn’t tell me much over the phone, but he said if we go there, he’d try to help, maybe give us an idea if it’s you and there’s something we can do to fix it. It’s a long shot, but it’s all we’ve got at the moment. I would’ve mentioned it earlier but there were a couple of hiccups.”

Me. I was the hiccup. No one wanted anything to do with me—not even a pack thousands of miles away. No one but Kicks was standing by me, and yet in order to not ruin his life and Charlie’s, I might have to leave them both.

“We’ll work this out. Just promise me you won’t take off on your own?”

“I’ll try,” I said, knowing it was the best I could offer. He deserved honesty. If I could say goodbye when the time came, I would, but I wouldn’t make that promise.

Kicks had headed out, likely to the mill or to tackle another project in need of repair. The community had enlarged, and the growing pains were far from over. I’d grab a hammer and help if I didn’t think it would scare away all the other workers.

I’d just dropped Charlie at school, which was going better than I’d hoped, when there was a knock at my door. An older man stood outside, looking in. They’d said Zetti was the oldest in the pack, but this man appeared to have some years on her. With so many people around, a stranger wouldn’t have been easily let in. As I looked past him, no one seemed to notice or care about his presence.

“Can I help you?” I asked, opening the door.

“My name is Old Freddy. Wanted to pay my respects to the new mate.” He had the kind of friendly demeanor of the lucky few who could put anyone at ease, even me.

“Oh. Um, okay. Would you like to come in?” I held the door open.

He walked in, leaning on his cane, looking about the place.

“Can I get you something to drink?” I offered, trying to be polite.

“Nah, I’m all good,” he said, sitting on the couch as if he planned to stay a while. “Nice little home you have here.”

“Thanks.” I’d figure he would’ve been in here before, but maybe he didn’t get out much?

“Lots of tongues wagging, but I can tell you’re a good sort.”

“Thank you. You might be in the minority, but I appreciate the support.”

“I wouldn’t upset yourself about Zetti. She wasn’t as good as they say she was. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to come have this chat with you.”

“Um, okay.” This was not a conversation I’d been expecting, but when someone this old spoke to me, I liked to hear them out.

“She wasn’t that good,” he repeated, louder this time.

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