Page 78 of Tongue-Tied

“I was thinking that since I’ve been getting more experience with you anyway…” My pulse patters in my veins. “That maybe you should be the one to take my virginity.”

Dex’s eyes widen, and he steps away from the next hole, allowing another group to get ahead of us. “Don’t you think it should be someone you feel special about?”

I can’t look him in the eye. “I feel special about you.”

“Damn, Austin, what are you thinking?” His breathing is getting so labored that I’m regretting bringing it up.

“You know what? I should’ve never mentioned it.”

“No, it’s okay.” Dex seems to snap out of whatever shocked state he’s in. “Maybe you should practice more with Dildo Baggins.”

“Already have.” I lower my voice. “It’s not the same, and you know it.”

He traces a hand over his face. “You’re killing me here.”

“We already proved that our friendship can hold up through all this pretending and practicing…” I glance over his shoulder to be sure the group moved on. “So why not help a virgin out?”

“I…” He shakes his head. “I’ll think about it. Let’s just get through the rest of this game.”

The last hole is the garden scene, and by then, I’m ready to be rid of this neon-pink ball. Dex is obviously taken aback by discussing my virginity, but he also seems upset, which is confusing. Did I offend him in some way? Haven’t we been touching and kissing under the guise of fake dating? How is this any different?

We get a rideshare back to campus and are dropped off in front of Poli House.

“I’m sorry if I ruined our night.” I huff out an exasperated breath. “But at least let me explain myself better.”

Dex looks conflicted, but he says, “Please do.”

“The thing is, my first time is probably gonna hurt.” I pick at the hangnail on my thumb, nervous to say the rest. “But if it’s with you, then at least it’ll help me feel more comfortable.”

Dex’s jaw clenches as if he’s imagining such a scenario. “If the person who gets that privilege goes slow and takes care of your needs first, it won’t be as painful.”

“But there’s no guarantee of that, especially with a random hookup—if I decide to go that route.” Dex’s nostrils flare, which tells me he hates that idea. “I suppose I wouldn’t be the only person to have a terrible first-time experience, so maybe I’ll chalk it up to a rite of passage.”

“No.” Dex’s hardened eyes study me. It’s that look he gets when he’s feeling protective of me. “I asked you to let me think about it, and I meant it.”

So there’s a shred of hope after all. Though the odds seem low. “O…okay.”

He breathes out in relief. “For now, let me walk you to your dorm and kiss you good night like a proper date should.”

My knight in shining armor, I want to tease but hold back because of how serious he seems. “That’s pretty swoony for a guy who’s never had a proper date.”

“Sure, I have. Four of them, in fact.”

I swallow roughly as the butterflies go wild in my stomach.

He holds my hand as we walk across campus, then presses his lips against mine outside the dorm. I want more but don’t push. It feels like we’ve gone back in time to our tentative first date, and I blame myself for that.

“Night,” he says, and I watch him walk away.

31

DEX

Austin and I haven’t discussed a fifth date or the topic of sex since it came up during Putt-Putt last week. But that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it constantly. The idea that he would ask some rando to take his virginity really bothers me. But taking it myself does as well for vastly different reasons.

I want to talk to someone about it, and normally, I would go to Austin with these things, so it feels extra nerve-racking.

Milo and I are in the living room, playing a racing game, and I’m so distracted that I let him win more than once.

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