Page 17 of Sheltering Lily

I shook off the thought, focusing back on my charge. “Bed for you.” I gave Sofia a kiss on the temple.

And a long, lonely evening for me, I thought.

Colin

I smiled at the lovely blonde across the table from me. She was exactly what Lily said she would be, exactly what I claimed I wanted. But I felt no spark for her. Lily was the one who made me come alive, the one I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing. With her it was way past sparks, bordering on fireworks. I’d done everything I could to douse those flames, but it wasn’t working. I wanted Lily in my life, in my arms, in my bed. I could no longer deny that.

But it would be self-interested to pursue something with her. I’d committed to giving Sofia a mother, someone who would always be there for her. Lily wasn’t a candidate for that, and Haley was.

“Tell me about your daughter,” Haley said after the waiter brought our drinks.

Her question was another reminder of what I should be focusing on, so I launched into how much Sofia enjoyed playing outside.

“Lily takes her to the park whenever she can,” I said, elaborating on where Lily took her and Sofia’s favorite things to do there.

“She’s a good nanny, then?”

“The best,” I said. “Lily was a find. I’m not sure how I’d have managed my work schedule lately without her. And she’s teaching Sofia so much. A lot about art. Lily’s into that, taking classes and all, but she convinced me that Sofia should be encouraged to express herself.”

I went on talking about the finger painting I’d hung in my office, the foam animals in the living room, and the hundred other things that Lily had brought to my home in the two months she’d been there.

“I’m talking too much about her, aren’t I?” I finally asked when I realized I’d dominated the conversation while we’d eaten our main courses.

“Do you mean Sofia or Lily? I think I’ve heard both names equally.” Haley’s tone wasn’t critical, just matter of fact.

“I’m sorry,” I said. I’d run on and hadn’t made my date the center of my attention. It would have been bad enough to have spoken so much about my child, but I knew I’d mentioned Lily too often to be appropriate while out with another woman.

“You know, you even called me Lily.” Haley’s smile was gentle. “Colin, you seem like a great guy, but it’s pretty clear that you’re on a date with the wrong woman. I think the one you want to be with is already at your house. We should skip dessert so you can go talk to her.”

She was right. I could no longer deny that Lily had become more than my nanny. I was lucky that Haley was so gracious. It was probably because she was a friend of Lily’s. Everyone who knew her had to understand she was special, that she brought a kind of magic with her.

“I apologize for this.” I felt a spurt of guilt over having taken up her evening for no reason.

“No apology necessary.” Haley stood, shaking my hand as if we’d had a business meeting. “Thank you for dinner, Colin. It was nice meeting you.”

I watched her walk out of the restaurant. I should be kicking myself for letting her walk away when she seemed to be exactly what I was looking for. Instead, I felt a great sense of relief as I paid the check and headed home.

On the drive, I thought about how I should handle this. I tried to analyze the situation and arrive at the best approach, but I drew a blank. No matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t see a future for Lily and me. Her goals in life were so different from my own, but I wanted her. And if I’d read the signs coming off her correctly, she felt the same. Maybe the only way forward for both of us was to try actually being together. There was always a chance that once we stopped fighting against our feelings, we’d finally be able to work through them and come out on the other side with a better idea of what the future held.

I saw the flicker of the television when I entered the house and headed to the living room. Lily was sitting on the couch, her bare feet resting on the coffee table. She was beautiful, even without the sexy glasses that I liked so much.

“Uh-oh. It’s barely nine o’clock,” she said, sitting up straighter. “Was the date that bad?”

“She’s very nice, but we both decided it wasn’t working, so we cut it short.” I sat next to her, placing my arm across the back of the couch.

“You weren’t attracted to her?” Lily angled her body toward me.

“No.” I kept my answer short as I made up my mind what I wanted out of the evening with her.

“I’m sorry. I thought you’d suit.” Lily seemed genuinely sad it hadn’t worked out. Did that mean she wasn’t interested in me? No, I was sure that she’d felt the connection between us just as strongly as I had. That day in my bedroom, I hadn’t been the only one who’d been primed for a kiss. So was she being selfless? That seemed the most likely explanation.

“As it turns out, she isn’t the type of woman I’m looking for.” My eyes stayed on her, trying to gauge her reaction to me.

“Oh, why not?” She shook her head, a sheepish expression crossing her face. “Don’t answer that. It’s none of my business. Forget I said anything.”

“No worries.” I had other things to concern me—like how I’d just blown off a date because I was infatuated with my nanny. A fact I couldn’t bring myself to regret. The question was, where could the evening take us? “What are you watching?”

“Just an old movie,” she said, hitting the pause button on the remote. “I should go, now that you’re home. Sofia hasn’t made a peep since I put her down.”

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