Page 31 of Sheltering Lily

Ipaced through the house, checking the windows and doors to make sure they were secure. From the kitchen, I peeked out into the backyard. It was empty now. The only sign of trouble remaining was the yellow crime scene tape flapping in the breeze. I shivered. I didn’t want to return to my apartment or be alone until Colin returned home.

“We’re safe,” Carolyn said as she made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at the counter. “There’s a police car parked at the end of the driveway. Nothing’s going to happen. You should sit.”

I appreciated that Carolyn had come over and brought Austin and Sofia with her. It cut short the sleepover, but I was glad to have company, and I knew Colin would want his daughter under his roof when he got home from the hospital after getting his injury treated.

“How long do you think they’ll be?” I asked. Colin had refused the responding officers’ offer to take him to the hospital in the squad car despite my arguments. Zach had volunteered to drive him and stay with him there.

“You know hospitals. They take time,” Carolyn said. “He’s going to be fine.”

My rational brain knew that. His injury wasn’t serious, but thinking of it made me queasy. I wasn’t squeamish, but if the bullet had hit him in the chest or head… An image of him lying in a pool of blood made me shudder. I could have lost him that day, and all because some creep had become obsessed with me.

“Sit down,” Carolyn said gently. “You’re pale as a ghost. I’ll get the kids settled, and we’ll talk.” She carried the tray of sandwiches into the dining room, calling for Sofia and Austin.

I watched as Carolyn got the kids interested in coloring-book pages. The cousins were so cute together, sitting at the kids’ table that I had convinced Colin to put in the corner of the dining room a few weeks earlier. One more way he’d bent and changed in the time I’d known him. The brightly colored plastic table and chairs wouldn’t have fit in the house he’d once maintained, but it looked just fine in his home with the way it was now.

“I think they’re good.” Carolyn came back toward me. “Wine or coffee?”

“Wine,” I said, hoping it would calm me. Caffeine would be a mistake, since my heart beat faster each time I thought of what could have happened in my apartment.

“Good choice.” Carolyn pulled a bottle of white from the refrigerator and poured us each a generous glass. Together, we sat at the kitchen island, where we could see the kids at their table. The children were happily coloring and eating, their heads bent close together and giggles sounding every few seconds. They’d get jelly on the coloring-book pages, but that didn’t matter.

“Thanks again for coming over,” I repeated for the third time. “I wanted Sofia here, and I didn’t want to be alone.”

“In this family, we take care of our own,” Carolyn said with a smile.

It was nice that Carolyn included me as part of the family, but I wasn’t and never would be. After the conversation I had with Colin about the internship, the distance between us had grown into an extended, uncomfortable silence. I regretted letting that happen, since I wasn’t sure there was any way back to even a friendship. Knowing Carolyn was waiting for a response, I said, “I’m not a Vale or a McCallister, but it’s nice to see a family that sticks together so closely.”

“They’d go through fire for each other,” Carolyn agreed.

“They’re good men,” I said. “All of them.” They were toughened by experience and training but loyal to those they held dear.

“I’m partial to Zach.” Carolyn chuckled. “Feel free to think differently.”

I did, but could I say that to Carolyn? Carolyn had become a friend in the past months, and it would be nice to confide in someone. I took a sip of wine, letting the cool liquid slide down my throat as I tried to decide what to say next.

Carolyn’s phone lit up with a message. “It’s from Zach,” she said. “The doctor says that Colin’s graze wound isn’t serious. It just needs to be cleaned and sutured. They’ll be back when that’s done. See? It’s fine.”

I nodded as Carolyn typed a return message. The report from the hospital wasn’t a surprise, but I was still glad Zach had taken the time to send it.

“Lillee.” Sofia was suddenly at my feet. I scooped the girl up in my arms and squeezed her tight until Sofia squeaked and giggled. At least I could still give Colin’s child the affection that I wanted to give him.

“Are you done coloring, sweetie?” I asked.

“I’m sleepy,” Sofia said to my surprise. It was unusual for her to admit to being tired. She and Austin must have played hard that afternoon at Carolyn’s house.

“Let’s get you ready for bed.” I carried her up the stairs. Sofia revived a little in the bathtub as she played with some of the foam animal shapes we’d cut out, but by the time I got pajamas on her, Sofia’s head was drooping.

Unwilling to put her down just yet, I held her, rocking her while Sofia snuggled into my shoulder, unaware of the tension of the day. I wished I could forget all that had happened, but it kept replaying in my mind.

I’d gotten out of my art class early and headed home.

When I got there, I’d gone to my apartment, telling myself that I needed to gather a few items, since I was still sleeping in the main house at Colin’s insistence. The truth was, I’d wanted to be alone. Living with Colin had been tense, even exhausting for the past few days, and I’d wanted my own space to sort out my thoughts.

I was already in my apartment when I heard voices in the backyard and peeked out to see Stout and the ponytailed man. They were too close for me to get to the rarely used stairs that connected directly to the house, so I’d hidden in my bedroom closet. If Colin hadn’t come home when he did, I didn’t know what I would have done. I could have tried to fight the men off, but against two of them, I didn’t know if I could have managed. And what would Stout had done if he'd gotten his hands on me? I cringed at just the thought of it.

Sofia’s breathing was soft and regular. Once again, I thanked my lucky stars that the girl hadn’t been home that day. My only consolation while I’d waited in my bedroom was that Sofia was safe with Zach and Carolyn.

When I’d heard Colin’s voice, I’d felt relief that he’d help me and fear that he’d be hurt. And he had been. It wasn’t a serious injury, I reminded myself, but it could have been. That’s what I struggled with so much. He could have been mortally wounded, and then Sofia would have been an orphan again, and I would be…would be…alone, having lost the best thing that had ever happened to me.

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