He read him so well that sometimes it scared Lucien. But mostly, it made him feelgood. Seen.
“You shouldn’t have wasted your money,” Lucien said.
“It was worth it. He’s still an asshole, but having his public approval will help you be accepted by the other snobbish assholes.”
Lucien smiled wryly. “I know. I already saw that it worked. But…”
“But?”
“It didn’t feel good,” Lucien said, his voice dropping to a harsh whisper. “I thought it would, that I’d finally feel like I belong, but now I realize that the acceptance of people I don’t respect means nothing.”
Aksel’s dark brows furrowed, his expression somber. “I’m sorry. I thought it would help you.”
“It did,” Lucien said. “In more ways than one. You gave me the closure I didn’t know I needed. I talked to my father and—it helped. I feel like I can finally move on from what happened.”
Aksel’s gaze became piercing. “Can you?” he said, pulling him even closer.
Lucien took a shaky breath, trying to suppress the need running through his veins. It would be so easy to bury his face against his throat and breathe him in, soak up his strength and comfort.
“Darling,” he whispered, barely audibly. “This still doesn’t mean we can be together.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“You know it doesn’t, Aksel.”
“I know no such thing.” Aksel’s voice was low and gentle, as if he were dealing with an easily spooked animal. “Stop fighting it, Luce.” Aksel’s hand on his back pulled him tighter. “Lucien.”
God, his head was spinning. All he wanted was to melt into him. “We can’t. We have no future together.”
“Says who?” Aksel said angrily. He heaved a sigh, his voice becoming toneless when he spoke again. “This year has been... empty in a way that fucked me up. I felt like my life was on pause, as if I was put together wrong.” He chuckled. “It makes sense, in a way. I’ve loved you all my life. It’s part of who I am as a person. I don’t know who the fuck I am if I can’t love you, if I’m not allowed to love you, if you don’t want me around.Even if I marry someone else, it wouldn’t change anything. I would still be miserable. I would still love you. I will stop loving you the day I stop breathing.”
Lucien swallowed. “You can’t mean that.”
“I can, and I do,” Aksel said. His eyes were fixed on him with an intensity that was both frightening and exhilarating. “I know you want me to be happy. But I’ll never be happy without you. All I want is you. Any other omega, no matter how beautiful, young, andfertile, would always fall short for me. It wouldn’t be fair to them. It wouldn’t be fair to the kids another omega might give me, because I would love them less than they deserve—because they would not be part of you. It sounds awful, but that’s the truth. I’d rather not have kids at all.”
“Darling,” he whispered, his vision blurring. “Don’t do this to yourself. You deserve so much more than an old, ruined, washed-up omega.”
“Let me decide what I deserve,” Aksel said, glowering at him. They stopped dancing completely. “And I’m done tolerating insults toward you—that includes you, Lucien. Enough. You’re not washed-up, you’re not old or ruined. I don’t give a fuck if we never have kids. I don’t give a fuck if some toxic assholes stop associating with me over the choice of my mate. As you saw yourself, the acceptance of people you don’t respect means very little. You’re enough for me. More than enough.” He cradled Lucien’s face in his hands. “You’re all I want. All I see is you. If the rest of the world disappeared, I wouldn’t give a damn, as long as I have you.”
Lucien tried to swallow around the lump in his throat and couldn’t.
“Remember the day we met?” Aksel said hoarsely, pressing their foreheads together. “I looked at you and... I’d never felt right in my skin until I met you, as if a vital piece of me was missing. I love you. I love you so much. Let me love you, Luce. Let me make you happy. Let me make you mine.”
He couldn’t do this anymore.
He was so tired of fighting his own heart.
But before he could say anything, the music stopped, and Lucien suddenly became aware of the whispers around them that were becoming louder and louder.
They weren’t actually alone.
They were in the middle of a party, with over a hundred guests in attendance.
Flushing, Lucien pulled back and looked around. He was met with wide, shocked eyes and open mouths. Everyone—literally everyone—in the room was staring at them.
Lucien licked his dry lips and looked back at Aksel.
Aksel didn’t even glance at the crowd, his eyes only on Lucien, searching. Still waiting. Waiting for him.