Page 12 of Testing the Goalie

He carries himself as a confident and dominant man, which in turn triggers me into a more submissive role that I don’t experience with anyone else. Around anyone else, I act a lot like Ian does, with confidence and a swagger that has earned me the attention of many.

With my shoulders rounded, I sit next to him on the couch, so close our legs rub together. Obviously, I could have given him more space, but I didn’t want to. I mean, at least I didn’t perch myself on his lap, right? I might be submissive around him, but I’m still me, and I want to make my intentions known.

“I was hoping to talk in your bedroom,” I tease, trying out the bratty side of myself that Ian told me he liked when we were at the resort.

Ian shakes his head, scootching away. “Ben, we can’t do this,” he states, and his words hit me square in the chest like a dagger.

My gaze drops to the floor. I might want to fuck him so bad it hurts, but I do respect boundaries, most of the time. “Why not?” I counter, needing to hear an explanation.

When he was leaving the resort and asked for my number, it sounded like he wanted something, but I wasn’t ready then. Honestly, I’m not sure I’m ready now, but I do know I want him. I just don’t know how much I can give. “You’re not my professor.”

Ian sighs. “You’re right, but it’s still ethically not right.”

“Is there a rule against it?” I inquire. “Would you lose your job?”

He shakes his head, and my heart flutters with the smallest amount of hope. “You and I would have to fill out paperwork, but technically it is allowed. Most professors, however, don’t cross that line.”

“If you’re not going to get fired for it, how come you’re pushing me away? You know how good we are together,” I remind him.

“Besides the fact that it doesn’t look right, I don’t have time for a boyfriend. I spend most of my nights grading papers and working on new lesson plans. I won’t be able to give you what you need. You were right for not giving me your number when I asked because a relationship between us could never work.”

“I don’t need a boyfriend,” I reply. “Like I told you at the resort, my life is crazy, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have needs. I was thinking more like a friends-with-benefits situation.”

He stares at me for a moment, his gaze so intense it almost steals my breath. What is going through his head right now? Is he considering agreeing to this? Please, God, let him say yes.

“I don’t think I can do that,” he whispers, breaking the eye contact.

I want to beg, but I also have pride and am aware when enough is enough. I knew tracking him down in the hall today was a long shot, but it was also my last shot. If Ian doesn’t want to be with me, I have to accept that.

“You have my number if you change your mind,” I tell him, standing and heading toward the door.

When my hand touches the doorknob, I pause, wishing Ian would stop me, but he doesn’t.

I have to be okay with that.

Maybe it’s best that we don’t pursue something new. That way, the memories of our two days together in paradise won’t be tainted, and I can cherish them forever.

It’s been a little over a week since Ian shot me down, and of course, he’s all I think about, which is why I’m at a house party on a Friday night with a beer in hand, hoping to find someone to take home tonight. I mean, what better way to get over someone than to get under someone else?

“Ready for hockey season to start?” Michael Danvers, better known as Dano, a football player, asks as I scan the crowd.

“Yeah. We’re already practicing our asses off, but I like the thrill of winning or losing.”

“I like that too. I’ve been training all summer. I’m ready to show the coaches that I’m better than ever,” he tells me with a big grin.

I clap him on the shoulder. “That’s awesome. I’m stoked to see what you got. But if you’ll excuse me, I’m on the prowl tonight.”

He chuckles. “Get it.”

I wander to where a group of puck bunnies is sitting, but I quickly make a beeline in the opposite direction before they see me. For some reason, the idea of taking one of them home tonight curdles my stomach.

Maybe I need more to drink. A little liquid courage never hurt anyone. So, I make my way to where a group of guys are playing beer pong.

“Mind if I join?” I ask.

“Fuck yeah!” one of the guys yells, letting me join his team.

Before I know it, the world is swirling around me, and I’m laughing at a dumb joke I don’t really understand.

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