Page 1 of Fear of Flying

Chapter One

Drew

Drew was never going to get married.

Even if... even if he were out and dating—nope. Drew stopped that train of thought as abruptly as it had started and hefted his suitcase up onto the hotel bed so he could start packing. The fact of the matter was that he was not and probably never would be out. So the whole idea of marriage was a moot point for him anyway.

But yeah, even still, marriage seemed to be a damned shit show. Maybe that was why they never showed the happily ever after in romantic comedies—because the ending wasn’t actually happy, or forever. Drew was satisfied, living vicariously through all the swoony, one-true-love relationships he read about in books and watched in movies and on television. That’s what fandom and fanfic were for, right?

Then again, Drew’s parents did actually seem to have a happy marriage. In fact, although they’d been married for almost forty years, his mom made a habit of declaring, “I’d still say yes if he asked me again today.” It stung every time she said it, though, as if she didn’t even realize that marriage was something Drew would have wanted. It was so foreign a concept to her that her gay son would marry, that it probably didn’t even occur to her that she was hurting him with her declarations of everlasting love. She only ever wanted him healthy and safe, after all.

But deep down, he wished things were different.

Drew consoled himself sometimes with the fact that so many marriages ended in divorce anyway, and he let himself take that jaded, cynical outlook on marriage and relationships. He knew this view of his was part self-preservation, but it was also him trying to talk himself into liking his career more, making it feel like more of a smart move and less like purgatory.

God, he hadn’t planned on being a divorce attorney. It’d just happened. Been easier. Been more financially prudent—better for paying off his student loans. Been “a good opportunity to build experience and a track record” in family law.

Been his way of eventually becoming the type of lawyer who could make the world a safer and more just place for people who were out, his way of fighting back against his too-sheltered childhood and closeted existence.

Dammit. He needed to stop that train of thought too. He was too tired for this, and things always affected him more deeply when he was tired.

The firm almost always put him on the cases that required travel, especially the ones that required him to work on the weekend. Damn congressmen and corporate elite and their penchant for contentious marriage dissolutions and absolute “need” to get their depositions done on the weekend when they weren’t working, even if they were out of town.

Send Drew—he doesn’t have his kid’s baseball doubleheader to worry about. Send Drew—he’s young and single and needs the chance to pick up some classy outta-town broads.

Send Drew. Send Drew. Send Drew.

“Send Drew,” he said aloud in a mocking tone as he settled himself at the desk in his hotel room. “He doesn’t mind working all weekend, listening to misogynistic men berate their soon-to-be exes and then hopping on a conference call first thing Monday morning for the weekly staff meeting.”

Fuck, these weekend work trips made him hate his job so much more than he already did—which was quite a bit. Just shy of ten years at Vanderwall, Stockton, and Peters, and he was exhausted and not even close to making partner yet, which was what he was supposed to want, strive for, work fifty-plus hours a week for.

“You’re not hungry enough, Parker! You gotta work harder if you want the higher-profile cases with the bigger bonuses.”

He didn’t, though. Those weren’t the cases he wanted, not the cases he’d dreamed about representing when he was in law school, not the reason he’d been interested in family law in the first place.

He let out a heavy sigh and unlocked his phone to dial into the conference bridge that Shirley had emailed him the info for, and when the line let him on, he announced his presence and cheerfully wished everyone a good morning. No, the weather in New York was great. Yup, had a great time. Haha, yep, you know me—night clubs and ladies. Thank god Mr. Peters finally entered the conference room at the firm’s office in Dallas to start the meeting.

Drew muted himself on the call and let out another heavy sigh as Peters went around the table to get case updates from the associates on-site, then from Steve, who was also remote today, and finally from Drew. He gave his report on how the lengthy deposition had gone, trying not to sound as relieved as he felt that now his work on the case was finished and to be handed up to a partner. Maybe next he’d get a reprieve and get to work on a boring custody arrangement revision for a happily divorced couple or... something.

After Peters wrapped up, Drew did his best to pay attention to Vanderwall Junior’s nasally voice as he updated everyone on the firm’s new cases this week, especially since one of these would likely be assigned to Drew. But god, it was hard to focus. He felt drained and exhausted, and he was more than ready to fly home and take his comp days. That was probably the only good thing about working over the weekend—comp days in the middle of the week meant that much less time at the office.

Drew hadn’t realized he’d zoned out until he heard a sharp “Hah!” of derision, and the words that came after made him sit ramrod straight in his chair, the buzzing of anxiety spreading with a hot heat from his chest outward.

First, laughter from someone—Meyers, maybe? And then . . .

“I thought the gays were so keen to get married. Now they want divorces too? Can’t make up their damn minds.”

More laughter—everyone this time, it seemed like. It was far from the first time he’d heard things like this, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. Hell, the firm had represented same-sex couples before. Same-sex marriage had been legal in Texas for almost ten years now, and they still...

Drew swallowed, trying to bury the feelings deeper. Just... old white men. As much as he hated to be the one to stereotype, they were the biggest problem in the state, the country—large and in charge, and they enjoyed acting like it too. Probably got off on it, even. Drew just had to remind himself that Dallas on the whole was a bit more blue. And the larger cities too, some of them were finally trending more LGBTQ-friendly. Progress, they said.

Drew wasn’t all that sure and... God, he hated politics, and he always felt guilty as hell burying his head in the sand when it came to issues that affected the LGBTQ community, especially considering what he’d actually wanted to do with his law degree. He really—

“Parker, you still there? Maybe you got yourself on mute still?” said Vanderwall Junior.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Yes, here! Sorry, sir! Yep, had myself on mute.” That was technically true, at least.

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