Page 44 of Forced Vows

"My uncle wouldn't do that." Uncle Brogan might see us as pawns on his chessboard, but not as cannon fodder. "If I were a spy, you'd kill me. Mamo told me what your cousin did. Uncle Brogan knows about it too."

And doesn't care because in his words, "There's nothing for you to be afraid of. You're not going to betray Miceli or his family."

He's got that right. Everyone in New York knows what the Genovese do to traitors and death isn't the worst of it.

"You might not even know you are doing it."

"Thanks so much for thinking I'm that easy to dupe." What a superior jerk. "I might not be as old as you, or as experienced, but I know what it means to betray a secret."

His gorgeous face shows nothing, certainly not belief. "A lot can be learned in normal conversation."

"Which would require my uncle talking to me. That's not as common as you think it is. Remember, I didn't even know your name until the morning we signed the contract."

"But you do talk to your cousins."

"He's no closer to his daughters than he is to his niece." Is the De Luca family really that much different from ours? "If you distrust me so much, why are you going through with this?"

"I told you, the alliance is good for the Genovese Family. Besides, I won't be telling you anything I don't want your uncle to know."

"How do we make a marriage work when we don't trust each other?"

"The same way everyone else in our families have done. We work at it."

"By we, you mean me." The walls are closing in again, but they have been since that day in my uncle's office.

I should be used to feeling like this by now.

"You'll have to make the most changes in your life, yes." There's no apology in Miceli's tone.

He's so darn complacent. And sure of his view of the world. Was my dad like this with my mom in the beginning? No way. My dad was never like this.

"And that's why what I did in Portland was necessary," I say helplessly.

The look he gives me is incredulous. "In what way was anticipating our wedding vows necessary?"

"Do you hear yourself? You sound like a Victorian spinster. We weren't anticipating anything. I was choosing my own partner to have sex with for the first time."

"You were a virgin!"

"I know exactly how much sexual experience I have and I also know that there was no way I was getting married without having had sex with at least one other guy."

"At least?" The tendons in his neck look ready to snap. "What the fuck does that mean? You're not letting another man touch you."

"Oh, so you were a virgin too that night?" I don't give him a chance to reply. "Of course you weren't. You were just another Cosa Nostra leader with the same double standard as every other made man."

"What double standard?"

I've heard the term, a voice that could cut glass, but never really understood it until this moment.

"The one where it was okay for you to be out on the prowl for a one-night-stand, but you're now having a tantrum because you learned the woman you're supposed to marry was doing the same thing."

"You planned to give what should have been mine to someone else."

I do not believe this guy.

"I didn't owe you my virginity." I jump up from my chair and shout, "My body was and is mine!"

"That might be true, but it doesn't justify what you did in Portland."

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