Page 11 of It's All Sun and Games

‘Why are you eating two muffins, Robin?’ Rick asks and, honestly, of all the things I thought he might say, that did not make the list.

I search my brain for a reasonable explanation. Well, I don’t suppose the truth would impress him much.

‘It was an accident,’ I say simply.

The look on Rick’s face suggests that he neither believes me nor approves of my breakfast choices today – not that I usually stop to wonder if my boss approves of what I’m eating, because why the hell would I?

‘This isn’t unrelated to what I want to talk to you about,’ he starts, which is concerning. ‘Robin, remind me what industry we work in.’

I pause for a second, wondering whether this might be some kind of trick question.

‘Advertising,’ I reply, the pitch of my voice creeping up at the end because I lose confidence in my answer around the third syllable.

‘And in advertising, presentation is paramount,’ he points out. ‘And we’re here, at the end of the day, simply to sell things. Part of your job, Robin, is selling yourself.’

Erm, I’m not so sure about that one. He might want to work on his phrasing there or he’s going to find himself in an HR nightmare.

‘Do you feel like you’re selling yourself?’ he asks.

I know what he means, I guess, and if I’m being honest then probably not. I never get in his face, preferring to keep my head down and let my hard work speak for itself instead. I don’t feel like I need to sell myself because I’m not the product. We have clients, who have needs, and I do whatever it takes to meet them. I’m not quite sure what he’s getting at because I don’t think it’s my work he has the problem with, I think it’s me. What’s wrong with my presentation?

‘I’m proud of the work I do here,’ I reply, confidently this time.

‘But are you proud of yourself?’ he replies, in a tone that I imagine is supposed to trigger some sort of philosophical (if not existential) questions.

Well, my confidence was good while it lasted.

‘Is there a problem with my work?’ I ask. ‘Or me?’

It takes a lot of courage to ask – especially the second part – because I have no idea what he’s going to say, but I can’t imagine it being anything I want to hear, or that will be good for me in the long run.

‘Well, let’s look at Liz, shall we?’ he begins, proving that things really are going to go from bad to worse. ‘She dresses well, has confidence, and always makes a good impression. Her style is bold and sexy, like her ideas, and her sense of style exudes wealth and sophistication.’

I frown at him. I want to say it’s involuntary but, come on, surely even he knows that he can’t say that to me.

‘You’re saying you want me to dress sexier?’ I reply. ‘For work?’

I should hope not, because that really would be a HR nightmare for him.

‘No, Robin, you are getting me all wrong,’ he insists. ‘That’s not what I am saying at all.’

Rick sighs deeply, clearly frustrated that I’m not understanding what he’s trying to tell me. If I am getting the wrong end of the stick then I’m relieved but, somehow, whatever he is actually trying to say to me, I still don’t think I’m going to like it.

‘Robin, you arrived at the office wearing a cap this morning,’ he points out, as though that’s some kind of smoking gun and not just something I did because it is boiling out there today. ‘And look, you’re wearing a plain black T-shirt. I’m not saying I want you to dress sexier, not at all, I’m simply saying you would do better if – like Liz, and everyone else here at the office – you exuded wealth and sophistication.’

I can’t help but think that if Rick wanted to me exude wealth then perhaps he should pay me accordingly because my bank balance certainly doesn’t exude wealth.

‘But not everyone in the office dresses in designer clothes,’ I point out, feeling the need to defend myself. ‘Look at Jill, for example. She wears plain, comfortable clothing too.’

‘Jill is a mum,’ he reminds me. ‘Jill has a family to take care of. Being a family person also plays in this industry because the kind of person who has a family is the kind of person who takes commitment seriously. Some people are cut-throat, and some people are committed and loyal. I need a strong mix of both on my team, Robin, but right now, you don’t seem to fit either category. You don’t have that brutal streak, that drive – like Liz – where I don’t even know for sure whether you’re going to screw me over to get to the top, which is surprisingly good for business. But then I also don’t know if you’re settled here, if you’re committed, if you have anything to lose. Sometimes it just feels like you’re turning up here, doing your job, and taking your pay cheque – like this is just a job to you, you know?’

I stifle a smile. Erm, yes, I do know, because that’s exactly what I do. This is just a job. It’s a job that I enjoy, and I do my best with it, but it isn’t my entire personality, and I’m not going to let it take over my life, because that seems crazy to me. Genuinely, what does this guy want from me? I work long hours, I try my best – even if my ideas aren’t sexy enough, it turns out – but I’m never going to be the kind of person who will trample people to get to the top and, as far as having a family goes, I suppose I get why he might think having and showing that level of commitment might make me seem settled here (or, more likely, financially tethered), but I can’t exactly force it, can I? If it were that easy to find someone and start a family with then obviously I would’ve done it by now. As far as I’m concerned, I am settled here, and I do want to move up in the company, just, you know, not by wearing low-cut couture to the office every day.

‘I see,’ I say simply.

‘I think you need to see this trip to Italy as an opportunity to ask yourself what you want, and to show me that you want it,’ Rick points out. ‘You’re good at your job, Robin, I see great potential in you. What I don’t see is drive and commitment.’

‘Then I will do my best to show you that I have both,’ I say plainly.

---