Page 80 of It's All Sun and Games

Even Andrea can’t contain his amusement, despite his efforts to stifle his laughter. With a hand over his mouth, he guides me into another room.

As we step into the empty restaurant kitchen, I can feel my cheeks growing redder by the second. Thankfully there is no one else in here, because the food is already out.

‘I’m hoping you’re going to tell me that they weren’t laughing at me, but somehow, I feel like I might have been the butt of that joke,’ I admit, cringing.

But instead of the reassurance that I’m craving, Andrea’s laughter only grows louder. This can’t be good.

‘Oh, Robin, I’m so sorry,’ Andrea says between fits of laughter, ‘because it was so incredible of you to speak Italian to me. Thank you so much for trying, it just wasn’t quite right, which was a little bit funny, but that’s not what is important.’

I wince at his words.

‘I used an online translator, so I wasn’t expecting it to be perfect, but how bad can it be?’ I ask, once again hoping for reassurance.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Andrea insists, and yet he’s still laughing.

‘I’ll only wonder,’ I point out, unable to shake off the unease of not knowing exactly what I just said. ‘Honestly, I would rather know.’

‘Okay, okay,’ Andrea gives in. ‘So, when you say “Sono molto arrapata”…’

Oh my God, he’s laughing again.

‘I’m very excited,’ I say.

Andrea smiles as he shakes his head.

‘“Sono molto arrapata” means “I am very horny”,’ he points out.

‘Oh, boy,’ I blurt. ‘That’s not good, is it.’

‘And the rest…’ Andrea starts, still really struggling to contain his laughter. ‘“…avere più ani con te”.’

‘To have more years with you,’ I confirm, although, given his response, I’m not sure I’m confirming anything.

What I was supposed to be saying is: ‘I am very excited to have more years with you.’

Andrea shakes his head again.

‘Anni means years,’ he corrects me. ‘Ani means… Ani means…’

He can’t even say it.

‘Ani means anuses,’ he eventually blurts out.

‘Noooo,’ I reply, unable to contain my horror. ‘No, no, no. Tell me I didn’t!’

‘I’m sorry, Robin. It’s the gesture that is important, not what you said,’ Andrea insists, his laughter subsiding. ‘Please, come here.’

Andrea holds out his arms, offering me a comforting hug. I gratefully accept, burying my face in his chest, feeling safe and secure – but still mortified.

‘I thought you were doing your pitch this evening,’ Andrea says, his tone shifting to concern.

‘Oh, I’ve shagged it,’ I say simply.

Andrea laughs again, clearly amused by my choice of words – I’m guessing he hasn’t heard that word used like that before.

‘I’ve blown it,’ I clarify, making myself clearer. ‘Willingly, though. I just thought, you know what, it’s just a job. I would rather be here, with you and your family. I know that none of it was real, this past week, but I don’t know, I feel like I’m part of this. I feel like I should be here.’

Andrea isn’t laughing now.

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