Page 78 of It's All Sun and Games

I wanted to be the golden employee at work, and for James to finally notice me, to want me like I’ve wanted him. And here it all is, playing out before me.

It’s finally happening and… Oh, how bloody stupid it feels now, to suddenly realise that I want something completely different. This week with Andrea has been incredible, but now, in this moment, everything feels muddled. Was it all just too confusing to make proper sense of? I mean, it’s every teenage girl’s dream come true, that the friend they adore, who they think they can talk to about anything, should turn out to be a smoking-hot boy. And then I arrived here and we practically stumbled into our fake relationship, seemingly fell for one another, and then finally rolled into bed. It’s just a dream, right? A holiday romance, not real life.

But why do I feel like I don’t want James now? It’s like I’m standing at a crossroads, unsure of which road to take. Work is real life, James is someone from my real life… I don’t know what to do. What I need is some kind of sign, or something.

James holds out my arm before leaning in close. He plants a kiss on my neck, then my shoulder, and then lets his lips trail down my arm, his kisses tender and soft, but as he reaches my hand, he suddenly stops all of a sudden. His grip on my wrist quickly tightens.

I instantly tense up, because I can tell that something is wrong, I just don’t know what.

‘What’s the matter?’ I ask him.

‘Your engagement ring,’ he replies with a hint of surprise. ‘Where is it?’

It’s hard not to notice how bizarre his reaction is. It’s weird, almost like the ring matters to James, or more specifically, it being on my finger does.

Something is definitely going on. Perhaps I should call his bluff, just to see what he says…

‘I gave it back,’ I confess, bracing myself for his response.

‘What?’ James exclaims, his shock evident. ‘Why would you give the ring back?’

‘Because Andrea and I are not engaged any more,’ I explain calmly. ‘I broke it off with him.’

James’s grip on my arm slackens, his eyes widening with uncertainty. Then he drops my hand all at once.

‘I, er… I hope you didn’t do this for me,’ he babbles, taking a step back.

‘No, it just wasn’t meant to be,’ I assure him, the words slipping out effortlessly. ‘People grow, feelings change, that’s life. However, that does open the door for me and you, so…’

I watch my words slowly penetrate James’s brain. As they sink in, there is a visible shift in his demeanour. My words hit him like shots fired and, through the bullet holes, I can see any feelings he has towards me pouring out of him in real time.

James isn’t interested in me – I don’t think he ever was. I thought that him seeing me with Andrea had made him finally notice me, letting his true feelings come to the surface, but all James has been interested in, all this time, was wanting something because he knew he couldn’t have it. It was always about the thrill of the chase. I would say that my knowledge of fishing is – no pun intended – surface level, but what James is doing feels a bit like when you see people cast their line, hook a fish, reel a fish in just because they can and then throw it back, hurt, because they don’t actually want it. James has been like a lion, pursuing me, and now that he’s taken a bite out of me (it did feel like he was going to, before he noticed that my engagement ring was no longer on my finger) he’s just spat me back out and left me to bleed out.

Am I really going to let myself be a victim like this? No. No, I’m not.

I take a deep breath, feeling a new sense of clarity wash over me like a huge wave. Why did I even want James in the first place, if he doesn’t even like or respect me? What does any of this matter if it doesn’t make me happy? I know, it’s my job too but, at the end of the day, it’s just a job, right? Other jobs exist. I’m falling over myself to make Rick happy, to make James want me – what about what will make me happy? What about what I want?

‘Can you do me a favour?’ I ask James plainly.

He seems a little taken aback by how calm I am right now.

‘What’s that?’ he asks me.

I slide my work laptop across the table towards him.

‘My presentation is done, and it’s all pretty self-explanatory,’ I tell him. ‘Will you give it to Rick for me, when he’s back? Tell him he can use it, or he can delete it – I don’t really care.’

I start making a move, getting ready to head out.

‘Why?’ James asks, his brows furrowing with confusion. ‘Where are you going?’

‘I’ve got a hundredth birthday party to get to,’ I tell him, rising from my seat and gathering my things – everything but my work laptop.

‘Oh, and can you let Rick know for me that I’ve had to go, but that I’m sure I’ll see him tomorrow,’ I add quickly, sensing James’s mounting questions. ‘Best of luck with the pitch.’

Without waiting for James’s response, I stride past him, with a level of confidence I’ve never had, and might never have again.

I’m walking out on Rick, my job, James – and it’s a big thing to do, but it’s the right thing to do.

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