Page 2 of It's All Sun and Games

‘Okay, but the client doesn’t really know what the client wants – we all know that, right?’ Liz says, addressing Rick and the handful of others in the room. ‘What the client actually wants is results, and what will get them results is a campaign that leans into their strengths, not their weaknesses. So screw Robin’s happy-ever-after, right, boys? It’s always going to be sex that sells.’

Ugh. Rick is smiling, James is grinning (although that might be because of the woman writhing around on his lap) and almost everyone else in the room seems to be onboard with Liz’s idea too. Everyone apart from me and Priya, my work bestie. At least she always has my back.

Priya tucks her sharp brown bob behind her ear – one of our secret signals for when we think everyone else is being ridiculous. I give her a half smile, letting her know that I know when I’m beaten.

The thing is, though, I spoke to the Matcher team for over an hour about how much they want to change perceptions (and use) of the app, because they never set out to create a platform where women would be judged in a split second on their appearance, and men would write entire bios that seemed to almost aggressively mention how much they loved protein. Speaking as someone who has been single for some time, and who has given Matcher a go, trust me when I say that it is a recipe for disaster. The girls are just as bad as the guys, I’ve found out, too. It’s amazing how many women list a minimum height for men, like they are a rollercoaster, and you have to be this tall to ride. And most of the men, well, they’ll tell you whatever you want to hear, get you into bed, and then never call you again. It’s a hook-up app, whether you want it to be or not, and I respect that – even with all the money they are making – the owners want that to change.

It isn’t up to me to decide what is pitched to the client, though, so I guess Liz wins this round.

‘Okay, Liz, we’ll give your idea a shot,’ Rick says, clapping his hands as he takes to his feet. ‘Julie is sending out a reminder for later in the week, for our last meeting about the Italian job, so make sure you get that in your diaries. Otherwise, back to work.’

Julie, Rick’s long-suffering assistant, has fallen victim to some kind of Stockholm syndrome, where she feels genuinely tethered to Rick, like she’s his work wife – he does have an actual wife, though. Well, almost – they’re actually tying the knot next week.

Between Rick and Julie, they have decided that our next project – for an Italian client – should be referred to internally as ‘the Italian job’ and they’re so, so pleased with themselves. The Italian job that they are referring to is a first meet with a new potential client – one who we are going to Italy to meet (fun) and we’re all going together (not fun).

I sigh. Perhaps I’ll have more luck coming up with a pitch for that one.

‘Well, I’d better get back to work,’ James says, prompting Liz to get up from his lap – she takes her time, though.

‘You don’t want to grab dinner together later, do you?’ Liz asks him. ‘Just me and you. We could go over the project, run some more lines of flirty dialogue together, really get the idea down between us, because I really feel like this is something you and I can run with together.’

Oh my God, could she be any more transparent?

‘Sorry, Liz, I’m meeting a buddy at the gym after work,’ he replies.

Liz pouts.

‘Oh, okay,’ she says. ‘Maybe some other time.’

‘Maybe,’ he replies as he heads for the door.

Something stirs inside me. Perhaps I need to be more confident, like Liz. Perhaps it might get me a little further. I might not have pitched the best idea, but what if…

‘Oh, James, I was just wondering,’ I begin as I catch him up – there’s no turning back now. ‘I wanted to see if you were available for a drink after work – maybe tomorrow?’

Liz catches us up and, upon hearing the last part of my sentence, stands next to us, glaring.

‘Oh, I, er…’ James laughs awkwardly. ‘I don’t know if I, er…’

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I need to walk this back, to save face.

‘No worries if you’re busy,’ I interrupt him. ‘I just thought it might be a good idea to have a sit down – those of us pitching for the Italian client – ahead of our meeting with Rick. I actually studied Italian culture, so I thought we could get our early ideas together, so when we go into our meeting, we’re all on the same page, and we’ve all done our homework. It’s just an idea.’

Not the best way of explaining what I mean (or what I’m pretending I mean, anyway) but I think I’ve styled it out.

‘All of us?’ Liz interrupts.

‘Yeah, all of us,’ I reply. ‘I only just had the idea, so, yeah, this is me, asking everyone, now.’

‘Okay, sure,’ Liz says, a hint of suspicion in her tone.

‘Yeah, sounds good,’ James replies. ‘I’ve got to dash, but send round the details, yeah?’

‘Will do,’ I reply.

Just as soon as I figure them out.

‘Let me know then, I guess,’ Liz tells me. ‘Oh, and Robin, no hard feelings about today, yeah?’

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