Page 77 of Knot Your Business

The paperwork taunts me from the small end table in the living room, an invisible spotlight continuing to draw my attention to it from where I sit perched at the island. I can’t decide if it’s the form itself or my signature that keeps drawing me back toward it. Or maybe it’s the location. I’m used to seeing it in my nightstand the last few weeks. Sighing, I push around the pasta on my plate, not really even hungry but not sure what else to do with my time.

Rylan left early this morning for a marathon recording session, something he said is common during the summer when the symphony is on hiatus. His gaze had been sad, his hands gentle on mine. His kiss had been even more soft, so full of emotion it made me want to collapse on the floor and scream at the entire situation. He hadn’t looked at the paperwork as he’d left, but he knew it was there. I’d cried on his chest all fucking night, after all.

Jasper’s out on his daily run, though he nearly didn’t go when he saw the mood I was in. It took everything in me to get him out the door. I needed the time. My eyes settle on the paperwork again, and I can feel my heart shatter. Again.

There’s a lot I can handle. But yesterday with Dominic was a line I can’t come back from. I can’t live my life terrified of my own home and my place within it. I spent so much of my childhood walking on eggshells. Designating as Omega made it hundreds of times worse. And watching what it did to my dads? For all my dread of having to go on suppressors or end up completely alone, I’d rather face those realities than live in the suffocating panic that was my childhood home.

I just need to figure out how to tell Jasper so he doesn’t think I fucked him over again. How do you tell someone you love with your whole fucking heart that you’re leaving?

I hadn’t had to tell Rylan. He just knew. Once he’d managed to coax out of me what happened with Dominic, he connected the dots on his own. He’d spent the night worshiping my body, never letting me get so deep in my sorrow that it overtook me completely. There will be plenty of time later for that.

Bile burns my throat, and I drop my head into my hands, trying to breathe through the wave of nausea the thought of leaving brings. My phone rings before I can really get it to go away. For a moment, relief floods me. Talking with Faedra is exactly what I need right now, even if seeing her happy makes me want to sob. Except isn’t she doing that hiking event with her guys this weekend? Or was that next weekend? I can’t remember.

My stomach drops as I see who it is.

Of course she would call now. It’s like she has a fucking radar that tells her when I’m at my most vulnerable. I swallow around the lump in my throat and blow out a deep breath, building up those walls to keep her from disintegrating me right now.

“Oh, Violet, so nice to finally get to chat,” my mom says once I’ve answered the phone. “The last month has been just so hectic.”

I roll my eyes and push away the uneaten lunch.

“What’s up?” I ask, doing my best to keep my voice neutral.

“Well, I hadn’t heard back from you about the event tonight, and I wanted to make sure we didn’t accidentally coordinate. I mean, I know the men will. It’s impossible for them not to when there’s only three options, but still.”

Confusion races through me, and I cut her off. “Event tonight? You didn’t tell me you were in town at all.”

She scoffs and then sighs, the sounds of her ruffling through something filling the background of the call. “Johnathan has his annual fundraiser tonight for that charity. I’m sure I sent you the information about it.”

No, she hadn’t.

Dad hosts a large fundraising gala once a year for two LA nonprofits that help underserved and marginalized youth. Mom has never invited me to it before. I would remember if that had changed this year, especially since I’m nearly positive Dad would have called to give me a heads up about it since the match has been so messy.

“Anyway, you absolutely must be there,” Mom continues, sighing like all of this is one giant inconvenience for her. “Can you imagine what the press will say if my daughter that lives in LA isn’t in attendance at our LA function? Absolutely not. You’ll be there. On time. And not in that disaster of a green dress.”

She hangs up the moment I offer a small agreement, too engrossed in whatever prep work she’s doing to notice I’m not even faking it well at the moment. I leave my phone on the island and step onto the front porch, resting my head against the door as I sit. I try to take in the landscape, the house, the way this part of the land shades out because of the positioning of the house on the cliff. But my head is too much of a mess to really enjoy any of it.

Do I have a dress that will work? It’s not like I can just order one and have it ready to go in three hours. I love my body, but finding clothes that work off the rack is hard, especially in this city that worships at the altar of unrealistic beauty standards.

I mentally go through the options I have, trying to decide which one will keep her from being angry at me. I can’t come up with a single one. They’re all either too bland, too underdressed, or too “improper.” My heart races as the panic starts to set in.

How the fuck am I going to face my mother tonight with the annulment paperwork sitting finalized in the living room just waiting for the Council member to process it?

“Love?” Jasper’s soft voice breaks me out of my panicked haze. His finger is gentle under my chin as he urges me to look at him. He’s crouched in front of me, his shirt sweat-soaked and his hair a spiky mess. “What’s wrong?”

Everything.

Shrugging, I get to my feet and walk into the house, grabbing my phone from the island. Jasper keeps a hand laced with mine. A single text waits for me, the invitation mom swore she sent me earlier. I open it and show it to Jasper, blinking back tears.

I do not have what it takes to tell him about the annulment and also face my mother tonight.

He mutters a curse but nods. “Wear the blue dress you wore to brunch the other week. I’ll give Rylan and Dom a call to see if they’ll be able to make it, too. We’ll need to be leaving in an hour to get there on time. Don’t worry, love. We won’t make you face that woman alone, all right?”

My heart is in my throat.

I can only manage to nod, the tears coming too fast to blink away now, pouring down my face. He curses again and wraps me in his arms.

“Don’t cry, love. It’ll be all right.”

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