‘That was why I hoped you and Mina would work out, even though I didn’t like her,’ Helena pressed on, breath coming harder and quicker. ‘No, she didn’t make you laugh like Leander did, but she made you smile again after the separation between you, and that was enough for me. You seemed almost happy again.’

Christós. He’d thought he’d hidden his feelings better. He’d had no idea how obvious he’d been. His parents hadn’t wanted to speak about the separation widening between their sons, hoping that it would blow over. Leo had told himself he’d hidden the wrenching pain that was threatening to tear him apart at having been severed from the person he’d thought he knew better than himself. The person who had been almost half of himself.

‘I really didn’t mean to overhear your conversation,’ she said apologetically.

He huffed out a painful laugh. He should have been the one apologising.

‘What were you doing there anyway?’

Helena bit her lip. ‘I wanted to give you your Christmas present.’

He frowned, remembering more of that day than he had before. ‘You didn’t get me a present that year.’ He’d remembered it because...because of the present he’d bought her.

She inhaled a shivery breath and gave him a sad smile. ‘I didn’t really feel like giving it to you after...’

Leo nodded. ‘I can see that,’ he admitted roughly. ‘What happened to it?’ he asked, curious.

She shrugged, sending a ripple of glitter across the sequins. ‘I put it in the hiding place.’

The cubbyhole. It was a place where he and Leander used to leave messages or stupid little things in the house on his parents’ island. They’d shown it to Helena when she was little, but he hadn’t thought about it for ages. He certainly hadn’t looked in it since well before that Christmas.

‘It’s probably still there,’ Helena said as she walked past him to gaze out at the nightscape beyond the window.

He shook his head. Presents, painful misunderstandings. He thought of the peony necklace, the one that Helena thought was from Leander. The delight that she’d expressed in that moment, looking up between him and his brother; he remembered it now like a punch to the chest. It was the last time he’d seen her look like that in his presence.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, the words shuddering out of him. ‘There is no excuse for my behaviour that day or for what I said.’

Helena stared at the small circles of light punching holes into the darkness, illuminating unfamiliar shapes of shrubs and flowers that were beautiful and bright in the day and bleached and alien in the night. Her arms wrapped tightly around her waist, holding herself together, holding the tears back.

She’d never said that out loud. About her parents. Certainly not about the father that she’d hero-worshipped. Not even to Kate, who seemed to understand without her having to explain. But Leo had been there, he knew. And she wasn’t sure that she could hide it any more.

But acknowledging it didn’t change anything. It didn’t stop her still hoping that one day her mother might soften just that little bit more. Like she had at the wedding. Each time she saw a glimpse of it, of the love there, she wanted more, like an addict only given enough to get by. So, was it naïve to keep hoping for something that might never happen?

Was it naïve to let Leo’s apology soften the blow of his words that day? Because if she let that happen, if she allowed him to soothe that hurt...then what would be left to keep her feelings in check? What would stop her from—

She shook her head at the thought. The seesaw of emotions from that evening alone were almost enough to knock her out for a week. Seeing Leo at the club, relaxing and talking to Leander’s friends—even if it was just for show—it had seemed for a moment that he was almost having fun. Then dancing with him on the dance floor, running into Mina, the kiss...

She hadn’t even had time to think about the kiss.

A kiss that was just for show.

It hadn’t felt like it was just for show.

She had felt wanted. Desired. Needed.

But hot on the heels of such an argument? She shivered, tiredness and cold creeping up her skin, wrapping around Leo’s apology. There was too much past between them, too much hurt.

‘You were having a private conversation with your girlfriend, Leo,’ she said in response to his apology. ‘There’s nothing to apologise for. It’s not your fault I overestimated my value to you in my imagination,’ she said quietly, making it easier for him. For them. Because now, when Leo was more dangerous to her than ever, she had to have done that. Had to have overestimated her value.

Leo pulled her back round to face him, a frown marring those startlingly gorgeous features. ‘You didn’t. You should never think that. You were hugely important to us.’

Then why was it so easy for you to push me away?

Helena couldn’t bring herself to ask the painful question. In part, because she didn’t want to hear the answer. It was a question that was all too familiar to her, one that had littered her childhood, not about the twin Liassidis brothers but her parents. When her father was too busy to come to piano recitals and ballet performances. When her mother was present, but so much more absent than her father. Each time they’d failed to show up for her making it both worse and easier to bear at the same time. And then Leo had pushed her away and even now, with Kate—

No. She wouldn’t let herself think that. Kate was following her dreams and nothing, nothing, would make Helena begrudge her that.

‘Helena...’ Leo tried.