Page 21 of Monstrous Urges

The one who chased me and pinned me to the dirty ground. Who made me wet with a knife against my pussy. The man I freaked out on and blurted a safe word to, who then faded away, leaving me alone in the dark.

In the moment, yes, it was too much. Too insane, too dark, too dangerous.

Too everything.

But now, I’m sitting here supremely pissed at myself for having chickened out and ending it before I could find out how deep I was willing to go.

How far I was prepared to peer into that darkness inside myself.

By now, he’s obviously lost interest. Which means the more times I flip back to my message exchange with him, the more pathetic I look, or at least the more pathetic I feel.

Yeah, it’s time to move on. And the next time, I swear I won’t be blurting out any safe words too soon.

The next time, I’ll have the courage to explore the inky darkness hiding inside me.

Switching back to NapoleonInExile’s profile, I scowl as I tap the three dots at the top of his profile and click “block”.

Instantly, our chat vanishes.

Then, I switch to my own profile and click the little toggle back to “actively seeking partner”. I’d turned it off before, after connecting with my stranger from the woods. But with it back on, other prospective partners from the app will be able find my profile and maybe connect.

Screw the psycho in the woods. Like, maybe give someone a heads up when you’re directing them an hour from home into the fucking forest? Maybe mention your knife play kink?

Yeah, because you really minded both of those…

Oh, shut up, self.

I mean, dipping a toe into my slightly south of vanilla fetishes is one thing. What happened last night was diving head-first into the deep end and only then discovering I only half-knew how to swim. The next time, when I connect with someone, I’m going to dial it back a little so I can explore?—

My phone buzzes in my hand. I blink, shaking away my thoughts and pretending to laugh at something Tempest’s just said, even though I wasn’t really listening. I eagerly glance at my phone, thumbing back to the Venom app.

Dear SecretSlut,

A match has been made for you with another member. You have both been notified. Please use this link to open a private chat with your potential partner. Like at the Club itself, we encourage the use of anonymity, as well as open and honest communication. Both parties should discuss hard limits and safe words before meeting. Please be safe and enjoy your experience.

My pulse thuds. The same sort of nervous, giddy, slightly scared and very excited spike of adrenaline I got the last time teases through my veins. I click the link, feeling a ball of something clench in my core.

It’s not until I read his message that the meaning of his username stabs into me, making me freeze as my mouth falls open.

YouCanRunButYouCantHide

I was very clear. The safe word “vault” ends it.

A little siren in the back of my head begins to whine in my ears. Goosebumps break out over my skin as a cold shiver snaps my spine upright.

Holy shit.

It’s him.

YouCanRunButYouCantHide

You chose to walk away. You don’t get to come back.

I stare at the screen, my hands shaking.

YouCanRunButYouCantHide

Cat got your tongue, my little fuck toy?

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