Page 75 of Collide

Noah tried to sit in the chair but Cooper tugged on his arm and nodded his head toward the bed. Noah climbed in beside him, wrapping his arms around the man. There was nowhere else he wanted to be.

***

Cooper slept with Noah beside him. He internally cursed every time a nurse came in to check his vitals or give him medication. All he wanted to do was lie with Noah. It didn’t matter that news would obviously spread after this. That people would find out before Cooper had the chance to talk to his work. He just wanted to lie with Noah. Needed to lie with him.

And so he did, as much as he could. For two days. Noah left to eat or change clothes but he always came back. When Cooper tried to talk to him, Noah would tell him to wait, that they could talk later.

Braden came to see him with Wes, which surprised the crap out of Coop. Jules and Heather had shown up too, both of the women surprised to see them together. Despite the fact that he’d never led Jules on, Noah had left to talk with her for a while. Cooper respected him for it.

He didn’t know what went down to make it that suddenly everyone came in, when before he had no visitors, but he didn’t care. Noah told everyone not to expect an answer from him, and growled at Cooper every time he tried to speak.

And Cooper growled right back at him. Cooper could take care of himself, but that didn’t mean he also didn’t like the fact that Noah was so worried about him.

Partially, he was glad he didn’t have to talk much. When he did, he would have to tell Noah about his mom and Vernon. The thought made him ill.

On the third day, Noah sat on the chair beside the bed, running his fingers over Cooper’s shortly cropped hair. “You scared the hell out of me, Coop. I know you go into burning buildings for your job, but this was different. You gotta stop holding yourself responsible for them. It’ll make you screw up. You made a rash decision.”

Cooper’s throat was still tender and his voice off, but he managed to speak a little more easily. “Saved…that…kid.”

“I know.” Noah leaned closer. “And, I’m so fucking proud of you, but that doesn’t change the fact that you ran into that house to save your parents. You can’t think that way. You’re going to get yourself hurt.”

“It’s my job,” he whispered softly.

“You know what I mean.”

Cooper nodded, because he did.

“It wasn’t your fault. I’ve said it before, but I don’t think you’ll ever truly be able to move forward until you accept that. Do you think that kid you saved could have gotten you out of the house? He’s just a kid, man, and so were you. Their death wasn’t your fault. Everything is not your responsibility. Just like dealing with my crap when we were kids wasn’t, and making your uncle happy, isn’t. You can’t control everyone’s feelings and be what everyone else wants you to be, baby. And…,” Noah squeezed his hand. “No matter what I said to you. When I told you if we moved forward you were mine, staying with me isn’t something you have to do either. If you’re not ready, then—”

“No.” Cooper winced, the force of the word making his throat burn. Noah was right about most of it. He understood that, but not when it came to how he felt about the other man. Those weren’t the same. “I love you.” He wished like hell he could speak louder.

“I know. I’m pretty irresistible.” Noah winked, at him but when Cooper didn’t smile, he continued. “That doesn’t mean you’re ready. I pushed you when I shouldn’t have.”

“Fuck…you…” If Noah thought Cooper didn’t know his own mind, that he would let Noah talk him into moving forward if he wasn’t ready, he was going to kick his ass. “You know me,” he cleared his throat. “Better than that.”

“You didn’t even tell them I was back. Is it because I’m gay? If so, we’re in a whole lot of trouble, baby, because for a while now, you’ve been with me.”

That’s where this was coming from. Cooper tried to sit up but struggled. Noah smiled before hitting the button so the head of the bed would go up.

“Stop getting all worked up. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

Cooper shook his head.

“I’m serious. I shouldn’t have brought it up right now.”

“Then, I would have.” Coop thought for a second, trying to figure out how to say this. “Vernon was angry when you left. At your whole family.” It drove him crazy how slowly he had to speak.

“I didn’t understand it. That was part of it. I know it’s wrong but I did feel like I would be letting him down, not just because I loved you, but because it was you. I didn’t want to hurt you by telling you.”

The set of Noah’s jaw, told him he’d done just that. “Why? I could tell he was angry at me when I tried to see you, but it doesn’t make sense.”

Cooper took a deep breath. Jesus, this would kill Noah. But he knew Noah better than to lie to him. He’d already done it on a smaller scale and anymore, Noah wouldn’t be able to forgive. Not after his mother’s lies, and David’s.

Cooper pulled on Noah’s arm until he sat next to him, and didn’t let go. “Your mom… and Vernon… .”

Noah turned to stone.

“I just found out…”

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