Page 95 of The Devils' Darling

I have two more tests in my bag if needed. These are the fancy new ones where you don’t get the lines but get a screen that says pregnant.

“It’s going to be fine,” he reassures me. “Whatever the result is, everything will be okay.”

I cover my face with my hands. “I feel sick. I can’t look. I just can’t. You’re going to have to do it for me when the three minutes is up.”

“I can do that.”

I’m pacing in the small space, gnawing on my thumb nail, breathing too fast.

His voice is low and soft. “Kenzie, come here.”

He reaches for me and pulls me into his arms, holding me tight. I bury my face in his chest and wrap my arms around him. I realize how much I’ve missed him—God, how I’ve missed him.

The alarm sounds, and we jump apart. It’s time.

I blow out a shaky breath. “Oh, God. I don’t think I can do this.”

“I’ve got you,” Tino says.

He picks up the test and stares at it. Adrenaline pumps through my veins, and my mouth is dry. Tears fill my eyes.

“Tino, what does it say?”

“Pregnant,” Tino breathes, holding it out for me to see the word on the test. “Fuck, Mackenzie, you’re pregnant.”

I swallow hard and stare at the test as my hand automatically goes to my stomach. Tears spill down my cheeks. I have to do this alone, without my mom to guide me.

“Hey.” Tino brushes the tears away. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“I don’t know how to do this without her,” I say.

He doesn’t need to ask me who I mean.

“You can. We can. It’s not you and this baby facing the world alone. It’s you and the three of us raising this baby.”

“We’re all so young. What if some of you change your minds? Things do change.” My fears rush to the surface, taking over. “I could end up alone. No family. No money.”

The thought of being in that situation while going through a high-risk pregnancy is, frankly, terrifying, and I don’t even want to think about what it would be like trying to raise a child by myself.

“You’re not going to be alone, and the money side of the equation is easy enough to sort out. We all need to talk about this together, but you’re our Duchess. We won’t let you down.”

He pulls me into a hug again, holding me so tight it’s as though he’s trying to squeeze my fears out of me. I cling to his t-shirt, burying my face into his chest, allowing him to be my strength.

When we step apart, he turns on his heel and marches into the bedroom. He returns with the pills and the bourbon. He proceeds to empty the meds bottle down the toilet.

“No more pills.” Then he does the same with the bourbon. “No more booze. I will prove to you that I’m here for you.”

I gently touch his face. “What about your pain?”

He shrugs. “It’s getting better, and I can take Tylenol. You mean everything to me, and now so will this baby. It’s scary, Mackenzie, but God, it’s so miraculous, too. Don’t you see that?”

I nod fiercely, not trusting myself to speak. A tight knot forms in my throat, and I’m sure if I try, I’ll burst into tears.

His deep brown gaze holds mine. “So much loss,” he says. “So much pain, but from that, a new life.”

Part of me knows he is right, but also the fear is still there. It’s such a mix of emotions. Fear, elation, excitement, guilt about my medical condition, and pain that my mom won’t see her grandchild. Nor will my father. Grigoriy wanted this, and it’s happened, but he lost his life trying to force it to happen his way and ensure the baby could only be Kirill’s. The whole world tried to put us in a box and make us behave the way they saw fit, but we’ll never fit in those neat boxes they want for us.

I put my hand on my stomach. I might still be an orphan, and an only child with no siblings, but soon, I’ll have my baby and three amazing men. I will still grieve for my mom. There won’t be a day I don’t miss her, but maybe I can also start to look to the future, too.

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