Page 16 of Warped

Chapter Nine

V

I managed to hold it together long enough to finish my interview with the lawyer. The nausea didn’t return, but I still felt lightheaded and not really with it. I put the feeling down to not having eaten so far that day, and I’d thrown up the coffee I’d drunk.

I left the court with Tony’s men flanking me. I was relieved that part, at least, was over, though I knew it was only the start. I had a long road ahead of me; I just needed to focus on the end goal.

“Hey, do you mind if we stop off somewhere and grab some takeout?” I asked Warren. “I haven’t eaten today and I think my blood sugar must be low or something.”

He exchanged a glance with the other guy, Paulie, as he tended to do. It was as though neither was capable of making a decision without consulting the other one, and he shrugged. “Sure, that would be fine. I’m kinda hungry myself.”

“Yeah, me, too,” Paulie agreed. “It’ll be okay as long as we’re quick.”

Relief made me sigh, my shoulders sagging. I hadn’t wanted to go back to Tony’s just yet. I knew my sister would pepper me with questions, and I needed some head space to get my thoughts together before I had to tell her what had been said. Of course, we weren’t supposed to discuss the case outside of the courtroom, but in a way, she was involved. She’d needed to know I’d told the police she wasn’t there when our mother died. A part of me had worried she would go to the police herself and tell them it hadn’t been our father who had killed our mother, but instead it had been my finger that had pulled the trigger. But she had been there, and even though she thought there must have been something else I could have done about our mother’s death, she knew it had ultimately happened because our father, Mickey Five Fingers, was a sadistic, control-freak fuck.

We climbed into one of Tony’s cars, which was parked outside. I took the back seat while the two gangsters sat up front, Warren driving. They pulled away from the imposing building, and I sat with my head pressed against the window, staring out at Lower Manhattan as it passed by. The chill of fall had set in, people favoring sweaters and jackets to summer dresses and sandals. Another few weeks and we’d start to see snow. This place had once been my home, but now, even though I was back, I felt utterly removed from the place. It was as though I was a ghost wandering among the living.

I watched all these people carrying on with their lives, clueless about the dark, dangerous world that surrounded them. Young women carried numerous shopping bags with the names of expensive stores plastered across the sides. Businessmen strode with cell phones permanently clamped to their ears. Stressed out moms hustled older kids down the street, while they pushed strollers containing the little ones. I envied them their easy lives. I knew they had their own stresses, mortgages to pay, relationships that were breaking down, demanding bosses, but I couldn’t imagine any of them were dealing with the sort of things I had to.

My gaze landed on two men standing on the street. Something about them drew my attention, though I wasn’t sure what. They looked as though they were fighting, but then one clapped his hand on the other man’s shoulder and laughed. The man wearing black. The man, who, as he turned to face the road as we drove by, I saw was X.

My heartrate skyrocketed, adrenaline firing through my veins. I slammed both hands against the window, my nose pressed against the glass, my eyes widening. Without any thought to the consequences, I yelled, “Stop the car!”

The panic in my voice must have been obvious, because Warren stamped on the brakes, throwing me forward.

“What the hell?” Paulie exclaimed.

I suddenly realized these men would want X dead. Hell, they thought he already was dead, but to discover he was alive again would have them painting another cross on his back.

My mind raced. “Umm … That hotdog place is my favorite. We have to go there. It’s the best in the city.”

Paulie peered toward the place I’d motioned to, his eyes squinted as he took in the sight of the rundown corner restaurant advertising hotdogs and coffee. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, it’s like New York’s best kept secret. You won’t regret it, I swear.”

Someone behind us honked their horn, and I stared with my heart tripping and palms sweaty as X glanced in our direction, drawn by the sound.

I willed for him to notice me, to sense me there, as I had so often sensed his presence, but he just turned back and continued to talk to the guy he was with.

“You wanna go for a hotdog, Warren?” Paulie asked, and it was all I could do to stop myself either screaming at him to pull over, or throwing myself from the car. My heart pounded, my breathing shallow.

Warren shrugged. “Sure, why not.”

It was all I could do not to launch myself out of the car and run through traffic to reach him. Only knowing it would alert the two gangsters in the front of the car that X was still alive stopped me, but I was getting desperate, certain X would walk off at any moment, and I’d miss him.

Thankfully, they pulled over the car and I was able to get out. I darted a glance in X’s direction. He was still there, still arguing with the guy in a suit. What was going on there? Who was the other man?

I was furious and confused, elated and heartbroken. If he was still alive, why hadn’t he come back for me? I couldn’t believe he was still in New York, just wandering around the streets like a regular person. What did he think he was doing? Did he no longer care people wanted him dead? I had to see him. Had to speak to him. What if he wandered off, and I never saw him again? I couldn’t handle that—the not knowing, all the questions. Where had he been these last couple of weeks?

Hadn’t he cared for me at all?

Seeing him, obviously alive and well, here in New York, when he knew Tony had me this whole time, made me think he didn’t. Or had he decided Tony was my best choice? He knew I wanted to testify, and Tony had been offering up protection. Or was I just making excuses for him—wanting to believe that rather than believe he had simply never given a shit about me?

“Come on, then,” said Paulie heading to the restaurant.

“Actually,” I said, “I’m just going to use the bathroom. All that coffee has gone straight to my bladder.”

He gave a sigh of exasperation. “Fine. But we’re going to eat. I’m starving. You want me to get you something?”

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