Page 73 of Mark & Don't Tell

It’s not surprising that other people know Ryan expects everyone to bow down at his feet and worship him.

He expected it of me. At first, I’d thought it was fun, dropping to my knees at his barked command. I’d thought it was kinky, but then he’d call me terrible things—like disgusting slut—or tell me I was just another hole he wanted to use as I sucked him off. And when he came, he’d walk away and pretend like he hadn’t torn my dignity to shreds.

The rest of the pack wasn’t too terrible, and sometimes, Ryan was so nice...so kind that I let those darker moments slip by. Looking back now, I’m glad I found out they were cheating. Quinn and I had long talks about the breakup, and eventually, I confessed the way Ryan had treated me, and seeing how livid she was told me all I needed to know. Ryan was toxic.

Thinking of the way Vic took care of me after the chase scene, I feel doubly stupid for putting up with how Ryan treated me for so long.

I find myself in the elevator and heading to the rooftop patio Terrance told me about, putting as much space between me and my ex and his dad as possible. Fuck. Linc is my ex-boyfriend’s dad. I mean, technically, the entirety of Pack Kelly are his dads.

Which is a next-level complication.

I slip out of the elevator and onto a cute little patio. The top of the building is lined with nine-foot-tall panes of thick glass. There’s a sprinkling of picnic tables underneath a constructed shading—various wind resistance materials stretched tight between metal rods.

Taking the spot farthest away from the few other people eating, I unpack my lame lunch. A sandwich made of bread heels, one slice of cheese, and my last piece of turkey and a bag of the broken chips from the bottom of the bag.

Fuck Ryan. I was going to have Thai food, but now I’m stuck with this.

No. Double fuck him. Not only are my scent matches the parent of that scumbag, but I’ve already fucked one of them and let another get me off more than once. I was 100% going to let Lincoln follow through with whatever he had planned. Now, though...

Frankly, I don’t give a fuck. Even though I didn’t set out to fuck his dads to get vengeance, it is a sweet sort of karma. The ex-boyfriend situation doesn’t bother me. It might bother the pack, though.

Especially since he comes to visit one of his dads at work.

Clearly, I have to tell the pack, so yeah, double fuck Ryan.

I take a bite of my sandwich, pretending the dryness and lack of substance don’t bother me. I get paid soon. Rent has to be paid first. That’s non-negotiable. Whatever is left over, which won’t be much, will go toward utilities and groceries. I might have to give up my Wi-Fi for a few months to recover from helping Marco and Mom.

The next bite is hard to swallow, and as I go to take a third, I realize my hands are trembling. Pinching my eyes shut, I set the sandwich down and take a breath, begging the tears not to fall. There are other people up here. I turn away from them and stare at the view the rooftop patio offers, not really seeing any of it as my vision blurs.

I’m really, really tired of life shitting on me.

Right when I thought, perhaps, I’d finally get my dream, a wrench is thrown in. I may very well lose my fated mates.

Ryan and his pack don’t mean anything to me. Sure, I thought I loved them at one point, but I didn’t. But not loving them doesn’t erase the betrayal or the hurt that came with the cheating. Maybe it hurts more because of how long I’ve tried to find my fated mates. Maybe it hurts because that breakup was another rejection added to the unsteady pile of rejections that’s threatening to topple over.

My mom over and over.

All the other packs.

My best friend in high school, who constantly told me I was embarrassing her.

Everyone who ever told me I was too loud when I was excited.

Everyone who told me I was being too extra when I was simply being myself.

Yeah, I love myself, but it still fucking hurts to realize people don’t like you.

Throat burning, I bite the inside of my cheek until that pain overrides the anxiety and doubts and heartache. I have to stop. I can’t keep spiraling like this. Vic’s already seen me at my worst. I’m not ready to share the mess of my emotions and wounds with the rest of the pack, at least, not until they know about Ryan.

Not until I know that Pack Kelly will really be mine.

Eventually, once I’ve compartmentalized everything and the tears are gone, I force myself to eat the dry sandwich and chips, taking drinks of water from my new Good Vibes tumbler.

As the roof slowly fills with more and more people, I linger a bit past the one-hour mark, hoping that, by the time I head down to my office, Ryan will be gone.

I will tell the pack, but I’m not looking to confront my ex right now.

The last time we talked was less than pleasant, and somehow, he managed to make me feel like shit, even though the pack fucked up.

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