Page 85 of Ten Hammers

“Do not ask me an open ended question,” I warn her.

“First, I have to say, I bow down to you, Winnie Wainwright. You are my queen forever. I am so freaking glad you went for it. Second, since you sound conflicted… I’m assuming that A) Diesel is the only one who has told you he’s in love with you and B) he’s not the one you’re going to choose? Those are both yes or no questions, by the way.”

This isn’t something I’m proud to admit, even to myself, much less out loud to someone else.

“I’ve been so enraptured by the journey I kind of… well, I won’t say forgot… but… definitely have not been giving much thought, if any, to the final destination. Then Diesel said those words and I am officially shaken to the core. He didn’t follow the telling-someone-you-love-them rules.”

Okay, even I know what I’m saying sounds ridiculous.

“The rules?”

“Golds. You’re a reality TV producer. You know the rules. They say I think I’m falling in love with you. Then, at a later time, they say, I’m falling in love with you. Then, after that comes I’m in love with you. Diesel just blew past the first two stages. I had no warning, no…”

“Ahhh. You’ve just realized you have the power to break their hearts and it terrifies you,” Goldie says.

Just hearing her say it clenches my chest up again. When we started this experiment, I only worried about myself getting hurt. I felt lucky just to discover they’re interested in me, so to think I could have one Hammer love me the way I loved him was too good to be true.

Now, I see the darker side. I know they said there would be no hard feelings, but there will be broken hearts… and why the fuck didn’t I even consider that my heart might not be the only one?

“I’m a selfish cow,” I wail to Goldie. “Should I just end the whole thing now? Save all our hearts before any more feelings are out in the open?”

“Winnie Olivia Wainwright, I know you don’t think that just because Easy Deezs said it, he’s the only one who has caught the feels. If these boys all want to line up and date you one by one, there’s a chance feelings are already at play. And why not. You’re hot, you’re sweet, you have great taste in best friends…”

“So what do I do?”

“You probably know what I’m going to say.

“It better not be follow your heart, Goldie.”

She sighs. I was right.

“Alright,” I say. “You want me to follow my heart? That’s impossible, Goldie. Because following my heart means I have all of them. Seriously. All ten of the Hammer brothers all to myself forever and always. That is what I want.”

Greedy as it sounds, it’s the truth.

Chapter 31

Axel

I don’t mean to listen in on Winnie’s conversation with Goldie, I swear on my life.

Not at first, at least. I woke up to a barrage of online bullshit regarding a picture of Winnie dancing, got sucked in, and spent far too long anonymously battering trolls with my wit. I know, I know, useless past time, as they weren’t even bright enough to realize they were being outwitted. But before I realized, half the morning was gone.

That’s when Winnie came bursting into her room. Her room and mine share a wall, and this house has walls that are a bit thin.

So when that girl throws around words like cockhopper and love and all ten of the Hammer brothers… Well, a guy would have to physically and forcefully cover his ears in order to stop listening.

Like hell I’m doing that.

Especially when I’m fully engrossed in the story of Diesel telling Winnie that he loves her (shit, Deez, seriously? Rookie mistake, brother). I’m only hearing one side of the conversation, yeah, but I can imagine Goldie reacting to it well enough.

And I’m laughing at Diesel, quietly, but then Winnie says, “Should I just end the whole thing now? Save all our hearts before any more feelings are out in the open?” and my heart sinks down into the pit of my stomach.

No no no, that is the last thing I want. The last thing any of us will want. Except Max, maybe.

But I know that sound in Winnie’s voice all too well. She’s more guarded than Fort Knox. She wants to run, as if running away from us will make anything easier.

For her, maybe it will, but it won’t be easy for me. I have been deeply in love with that girl for too much of my life for feelings to be easy. Since long before the family pact to not date her. And now that I have kissed her, and placed my mouth in the perfect spot to pull the sweetest sounds out of her, I will fight to keep her.

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