Page 23 of Ten Hammers

“You have a point,” I agree.

Jack holds up a hand to stop me before I can apologize. He knows me well enough to know that’s what I was about to do. “We were offered a spin-off show. The network didn’t want to let us go.”

My eyes automatically go to Max. Now he’s looking out the window.

“The ten of you?” I ask, trying not to feel hurt, because the sadness isn’t even from the fact that they kept it from me. It’s that 1 Girl, 10 Hammers wouldn’t have existed without me, and apparently the network had no issues letting me go. Of course, the audience’s love for me was never as ubiquitous as it was for the guys. The guys could do no wrong. I was Winnebago.

“The ten of us, yes, but you would’ve been the star,” Max says.

I couldn’t have possibly heard him right.

“Wait, what? I would’ve been the star?” I blink. “I would’ve been the star, and I’m just hearing about it now?”

Jack clears his throat. “Because we turned it down.”

Why hadn’t they told me? Why wasn’t I a part of the decision?

My anger simmers, but underneath it, an insidious whisper of self-doubt creeps in. Am I just not good enough for them to think of me as star material? I know they don’t see me as Winnebago… at least I don’t think they do. But are they ashamed of me?

“Why?” My stomach twists. “What was the concept for the show?”

Gavin is one of the most sensitive guys I have ever met. His piercings and his raven hair make him look hard, but he’s just a sweet cinnamon roll. Which is why it cracks my heart when he says, “Similar to the Bachelorette. It was centered around you, Win. And your journey to finding a connection.” He clears his throat, uncomfortable. “With one of us.”

“They pitched it to us as ‘Winnie’s Favorite Hammer,’“ Theo says. “You would date us all, eliminating us one by one, until you chose the brother you felt was the one you could fall in love with.”

“Or are already in love with,” Leo adds, shooting a disgusted look in Max’s direction.

You would date us all, eliminating us one by one, until you chose the brother you felt was the one you could fall in love with, Theo’s words echo in my ears.

Not only were none of them interested… none of them even wanted me to know about it.

As the weight of all this information settles over me, I hear my father.

Where are you running off to, girl? Another dinner with that fancy family? Hope they still want you ‘round after you’ve eaten them into bankruptcy. People like them don’t think girls like you are cute forever, remember. They’ll be laughing at you behind your back. Ashamed to be with you. Take my advice: turn down the sweet tea and cakes you stuff your face with over there. Sure, cry now. But you’ll thank me one day.

A sickening realization churns in my stomach: maybe my father was right about me all along. Maybe I am just a punchline, a joke for others to laugh at.

My brain can’t process any of this. It’s just too much.

Winnie’s Favorite Hammer. The title alone feels like a blow. How could the producers reduce the amazing legacy we built into some kind of tragic dating parade, and with me being dangled in front of the brothers like a prize pig at a county fair?

My face burns. The idea of being reduced to an object of ridicule makes me furious.

But that isn’t what burns the most. It’s knowing now, for sure, that despite how much I desire all of them, not one of them desires me back.

Of course they don’t, and of course they’d say no. I’d say no to myself if I were offered the same ‘opportunity.’

What the hell was last night with Max, then? What has the whole past year with him been? Was my first time with him just going to be a pity fuck?

I can’t believe that. I can’t believe he’d lie to me, toy with me like that. I won’t.

“We’re sorry,” Jack says, genuine remorse in his eyes. “We should’ve talked to you about it. We were just caught off guard by the offer.”

Max interjects, “We didn’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position.”

I sigh. I can’t believe Goldie hadn’t breathed a word of this to me, either. I think about the last time I sat in the 1 Girl, 10 Hammers hot seat. She knew I didn’t want to be a plus-sized Bachelorette, but I can easily see that twinkle she gets in her eye, and can imagine her hoping for something she’d find even sexier, and therefore perfect for TV - a Bachelorette starring all of America’s official favorite brothers.

“Goldie knew I didn’t want to star in a plus-sized Bachelorette,” I say through gritted teeth.

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