Page 13 of Ten Hammers

Then I’m wrapped in his arms. He presses his lips against my temple.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Any time you want to stop, you say stop and you will not get any pushback. I’ll make sure of it, alright?”

With a shaky breath, I nod. Letting me go, he holds out his hand and I take it. I manage not to swoon when he entwines his fingers with mine and leads us back around front.

Anna practically tackles me in a hug.

“My Winnie,” she says when she finally lets go. She holds my shoulders, taking a step back, and when there’s an arm-length between us, she looks me up and down. I’m grinning, full-force, and not a bit insecure. There’s not a critical bone in Anna’s body.

“You are gorgeous. Do my boys tell you you’re gorgeous on a daily basis or did I not raise them right?” she demands. There’s so much love in her voice, happy tears fill my eyes.

She’s the gorgeous one, elegant and graceful. She’s wearing a flowing floral dress, and matches her house so perfectly she could be on the cover of a magazine.

She pulls me close again and then whispers, “My boys are still all smart, aren’t they? I don’t know why not one of them has swept you off your feet yet. I really don’t.”

Jack clears his throat. “Ma, the car’s here.” His voice sounds rougher than usual. “You and Pops need to get to the airport.”

As if on cue, Jonathan Hammer, who has always insisted I call him Pops, like one of the family, comes through the front door. His dark hair, shot through with silver, is covered in a wide-brimmed straw hat, and his warm eyes match the soft blue hue behind the bold flowers of his Hawaiian shirt.

“Winnie-bug!” He beelines towards me and sweeps me up into a bear hug.

“Popsy!” I sniffle, settling into his embrace. I can’t remember my own dad hugging me. Ever.

I hate to see them go the moment we arrive, but at least I get to hug them now, when I wouldn’t ordinarily have gotten the opportunity until Thanksgiving. They’re the ones who make the five-hour drive to my cottage each year. When the boys surprised Anna and Popsy with the trip a month ago, I’d been so bummed that I couldn’t see them off with Axel, Diesel, and Cruz, who’d planned to house-sit. Back then, I couldn’t have imagined coming back here for anything. I’m here now and I still can’t believe this is really happening. I’ve allowed it to happen.

“You all promise not to throw too many wild parties while we’re away, alright?” Popsy jokes. “Winnie-bug, you’ll keep them in line?”

Despite everything, I laugh. “As much as anyone can!”

“Let’s cancel the trip!” Anna cries. “I can’t be gone for eight weeks with you all here! I want to stay here and spoil you all rotten.”

“Ma,” Jack says. “We’ll still be here when you get back. You’ll have plenty of time to spoil us.”

“Yeah, besides, some of us are already pretty rotten,” Theo sniffs the air. “Who didn’t shower this morning?”

“Oh my gosh. You all behave.” Anna wags her finger at them, then gives them each a quick hug. “Winnie, you make them behave.”

I promise that I’ll try.

Within minutes, it’s just me and the guys again.

Me and the guys and the elephant across the street.

I still can’t look over there.

“We don’t have to start today or even tomorrow,” Jack reassures me, as if reading my mind. “Whenever you’re ready.”

The thing is, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.

After a full day at the Hammer house, caught up in a maelstrom of memories as I went from room to room, focusing all my thoughts on the happy times they always provided me, we ended the day with a BBQ on the back deck, and talked until long after the sun went down. I’m now exhausted and in the coziest bed imaginable, but I still can’t sleep.

No. That’s not accurate. I can fall asleep. But I wake up immediately, my heart a wild thing in my chest, convinced I’ve heard my father yelling at me.

I sit up in bed, trying to calm my ragged breath.

Just the memory of his voice makes my entire body tense, every muscle rigid with dread.

He made me hate my own name.

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