Page 18 of The Northern Lights in His Eyes

“William,” Garvin said softly as he came into the room, also wrapped in a blanket. He sat down next to him, shooing Sasha off. “You know, sometimes when I think I have you figured out, you surprise me completely, and I have no idea what you’re going to do or think next.”

“Look—”

“No,” Garvin said. “You need to know something. John was a huge part of my life, and losing him left me completely lost for a long time, probably longer than it should have. I’ll admit now that I should have gotten help coping with the loss. But I couldn’t. Getting help would have meant saying goodbye to him and letting go of part of him. So I held on to the grief and hurt because it was all I had left of him.”

“I get that. But are you still holding on to it and looking to replace him?” William had always known that coming here was a risk and that it could blow up in his face.

“I know that I still love John and I probably always will, but it isn’t like it was when he was alive. Like you said, he’s gone and I can’t get him back. I never could.” Garvin held out his hand. “The truth is that I never compared you to John. The two of you are very different. You remember John—he was quiet, and he had that crooked smile he used whenever he felt uncomfortable.”

William nodded. “He was also a complete nerd. He loved games and action figures.”

“Yeah, he did. Used to drive me crazy.” Garvin got up and went to a box on one of the bookshelves. He pulled out a key and dropped it in William’s hand when he returned. “I didn’t have the heart to get rid of them when I left, so I put them in climate-controlled storage before I left. All of them.” He smiled and then began to laugh. “God, I am such an idiot. I thought that letting them go was letting go of John.” He laughed harder. “I hated those damned things.”

William began to laugh as well. “I always thought it funny that you made John keep them in that one room in the house.”

“I told him he could have whatever he wanted as long as he kept it in there. I never did understand that part of his life. But I didn’t have to. Those figures gave him joy, and he loved collecting them and spending his time hunting the damned things down. In the process, he made a fortune selling the gems that he didn’t need. They were his passion—”

William shook his head. “You were his passion. We all knew that. John loved you more than anything else, and keeping those figures just demonstrates how much you loved him.”

“I did… and I do… but not the same way I did when he was alive. John was a nerd of the highest order… and he was also the most passionate person I have ever met. No one will compare to him, but no one has to. John was an individual, and there’s no one else like him, just like there’s no one like you.” He squeezed William’s hand. “I love John, but he would never have gone out with me to look for avalanche victims. He would have stayed back here where it was warm. John hated the cold with a passion. When we went to Las Vegas, it was a hundred degrees. John walked most of the strip and was perfectly happy.”

“Yeah. I get that. But….”

Garvin squeezed his fingers. “You will never replace John because you don’t need to. These last few nights, I haven’t been in bed thinking about John. I’ve been thinking about you, and when we kissed earlier, I can tell you that I did not even have a ghost of an inkling about John. It was all about you, your scent, the way you felt in my arms… everything was about you.” He held William’s gaze, and William could barely blink. “So to answer your first question, no, I will not be comparing you to John or him to you. That part of my life is over, and it’s long past time that I figure out what comes next.”

“That’s good. But do you know what you want, or is this some exploration?”

Garvin chuckled. “Life is exploration. When I first met John, I didn’t know what I wanted. I was in college and wasn’t looking to meet someone who would be that special. In fact, we weren’t at first. Things got off to a slow start for us, and the first date was a disaster. He spilled water all over the table and ended up drowning the pizza. It was a soggy mess. I figured that after we got home, he and I would go our separate ways. But John was nothing if not persistent.”

“And you agreed to a second date after that?” William asked. Garvin was handsome now, and he had been back then as well. He could have dated any number of guys.

“I almost didn’t.” Garvin pulled the blanket up over him and then got up to add wood to the stove. “I didn’t think he and I had anything in common. I figured we’d end up staring at each other across the table. I agreed anyway, and he took me out for fried chicken. We had a great time and ended up talking about all kinds of things. After dinner, we spent hours sitting outside under the stars.” He yawned, covering his mouth with his hand. “He and I went out after that, and things clicked between us.”

“I never had anyone like that,” William confessed. “I had a few boyfriends back then, but they were more about the physical than anything else.” He shrugged.

Garvin stood. “Come on. I think I’ve taken you down memory lane for long enough. Now that the weather has cleared up and power and internet are back, I have a class to conduct at eight in the morning.” He stood, and William did the same, following Garvin into the bedroom.

After kicking Sasha off the bed, they slipped under the covers, and Garvin snuggled close, holding him tightly. William wasn’t sure what to expect next, but he did his best to close his eyes and try to get some sleep.

Chapter 9

GARVIN WOKE to William returning to bed. “It’s still early. I built up the fire to warm the place up, and I let Sasha out.” He slipped under the covers, his skin cool to the touch. Garvin tugged him close and lightly kissed the back of his neck.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes. It’s still pitch-dark, and nothing seems to be moving outside. Sasha stayed out just a few minutes and is sleeping in front of the stove.” He rolled over and pressed Garvin back, kissing him lightly. “Do you think that maybe we could make up for our interruption last night?” He kissed him, and Garvin hummed his most pleasant agreement, sliding his hands down William’s back to cup his perfect behind.

“Are you sure?” William asked, and Garvin showed him by kissing William deeply. He was quite a man, and Garvin let his hands roam. More than once he had gotten a feel of William as they slept together, but he had always been careful because he didn’t want William to think he was perving on him, even though he was. After all, William was stunning, with his highlighted hair, intense eyes, and fantastically lean body. Something about William really got him going, and Garvin wanted William to know that. He wanted him to feel it, not just hear the words.

“What are you thinking about?” William asked.

“How amazing you feel in my arms,” he answered without missing a beat. “I was a fool to not have seen you for all these years.”

William nuzzled his neck. “You see me now, and that’s what matters. The past is just that, and neither of us can change it.” He wriggled his hips, and Garvin groaned as William’s cock slid alongside his own. “All any of us can do is move forward.” He captured Garvin’s lips and held him tightly as the two of them slowly rocked together. It was sweet and slow. Garvin should probably have been in a rush after all this time, but he didn’t want to hurry William. They deserved to take their time, and Garvin was a patient man. William was the one who usually rushed into things, and he seemed more than happy to go at Garvin’s pace.

“Do you work out a lot?” Garvin asked as he ran his hands down William’s chest.

“Yeah. It’s part of the job description. Everyone wants their models to be slim. Hell, I swear it’s the most unhealthy profession there is. When I’m home, I have to watch everything I eat.” He smiled. “But I don’t have to do that with you. I can just be myself.”

---