Page 10 of The Northern Lights in His Eyes

Garvin stood up because he needed to move away from William. “You think you get to come up here, sit on my sofa, and tell me what I’m doing wrong?”

Damn it all, William stayed where he was and seemed calm. “Someone has to.” He drank some more and set the mug on the table. “I know you miss John, but it’s been a long time. Do you remember what it was like to live with him? What John loved most other than you? Can you remember how he smelled or what he looked like? Or are you grieving and wishing he was here out of habit, or just because you think it’s what you have to do?” Garvin thought he was going to explode as William got to his feet. “John was a wonderful friend, the best. He also went, like, a million miles an hour all the time. Do you remember how he could barely sit through dinner? His legs would shake because he had so much energy. His mind went as fast as the rest of him. He threw all he had into everything he did, starting the business, building it into the online powerhouse it still is today… loving you.” William looked hurt. “We all miss him. That spirit he had that infected everyone around him.”

Garvin’s shoulders slumped. “He swept me off my feet after two dates,” he remembered. “The two of us struggled together for the first few years, but then John finished medical school. He was a brilliant doctor, an amazing businessman. The practice started off slow at first, but he had a vision. He worked night and day for months to get it off the ground, and once others saw how he did business, they wanted to work with him and the practice grew even more. And yet he always found time for me.” He swallowed hard. “John worked hard, but even when we were in school and had just met, he never canceled a date or showed up late. He supported me when I went into teaching.” Garvin was tearing up.

“John was so proud of you,” William said, and Garvin nodded.

“I made peanuts compared to him, and yet he always told me that what I did was more important. He never missed a function at school.” Garvin stared at the near whiteout conditions. “I remember the time he had flown to Tokyo for a huge medical conference that he was supposed to speak at. My kids had a concert that night, and I knew he would miss it. I went to school, helped set up, and got the kids all in place. When we all stepped out on stage, there was John in the second row. I’d never seen him look so happy or so tired, but he clapped and cheered for all the kids, and then the next day, he flew back to Tokyo to speak and bring the international medical conference to a close.” Garvin wiped his eyes. “I always knew where I stood with him because John made sure I—”

“John always made you feel like you were the most important thing in his world,” William said.

Garvin nodded. “Do you know what it’s like to have that and then have it ripped away? To know what true happiness is, and then have it come to an end in your arms?” He shivered and barely noticed as William added more wood to the fire.

“I can’t say I do.” William closed the stove door. “But I know that John would not like this. He wanted you to be happy. John wanted both of you to be happy, and I just think that would mean you rejoining the land of the living.”

Garvin turned around. “And I suppose that means going back to LA?” That was never going to happen. His life there was over, and going back wasn’t an option.

“I didn’t mean that. But you need to find a way to be happy. To stop living like you expect John to walk thorough your door at any moment and you’re just waiting for that to happen.” William kept his voice low.

Garvin didn’t know how to respond, because at some level he knew that William might very well be right. “How in the hell do you know how I feel?” he snapped.

“Because I miss him too. John wasn’t my husband, and we were never lovers, but he was there for me too. You know that John and I knew each other before he met you and that we met in college. It was John who pushed me to go to my first audition. He drove me there and waited outside until I was done. Then he drove me to the next one. I wasn’t going to go because I didn’t feel well, but he practically manhandled me into the car. I got that job—and the one after it—because of him.”

All of a sudden, Garvin could see what William was doing as he stood by the stove, soaking up the heat. He was channeling John. No wonder William seemed different than he usually did. “And now you think you need to return the favor?”

“No. But maybe it’s time you came out of your shell and just let yourself live again.” William crossed the room and stood right next to him. “God knows I’m not John and can’t replace him, but….”

Garvin had had enough of this conversation. When he’d asked William to stay, he hadn’t expected a dissection of his entire life to be part of the deal. “How about we let this go. I promise I’ll try to… I don’t know… get out there and try to live a little more, if you promise not to bring this up for the rest of your visit. Okay? We can just be….” He almost said friends, but the word stuck in his throat. William looked stunning in the waning daylight, and as much as he wanted to discount his own feelings, having William here made him happy.

“Okay,” William said. If Garvin expected them to shake hands, what he got was a hug that left him breathless and his body on fire, hotter than the flames in the stove. Damn it all, he shouldn’t feel this way, but William’s hard body against him and the way he seemed so strong and permanent had a wave of excitement running through him. And damned if he didn’t feel that same excitement pressed against him.

Garvin backed away. “I should see about dinner.” It was early, but he needed to do something to back away from William and this attraction he knew he shouldn’t feel… and yet he couldn’t help wanting him so damned bad.

Chapter 6

WILLIAM KNEW something wasn’t right—tension washed off Garvin—but he wasn’t sure he should ask him about it. They had talked about some pretty intense subjects, and maybe it was too much for him. William probably should have kept his mouth shut. Talking too damned much had always been one of his flaws, and while what he’d said had been what he felt, it was pretty obvious that Garvin didn’t agree.

Maybe William was stupid to think that he would agree. Garvin had been spiraling for years. William smiled as he thought about that term. He’d heard it in a TV show and never understood it until now. “Garvin… are you going to be okay?” He went to where he was making dinner at the small counter and stood across from him. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“You didn’t,” Garvin said without looking up. “I’m just trying to work through some things.” He continued working.

“Okay. But why are you chopping the poor onion to near oblivion?”

Garvin’s knife came to a stop. “Shit.” The poor thing was nearly paste.

William blinked his watering eyes as Garvin slid the mush on the cutting board into the trash. William watched and waited, hoping Garvin would open up. It usually worked pretty well. Or it used to. He’d had to learn patience over the years. It was not something that came easily to him.

“What am I supposed to do?” Garvin finally asked as he began cutting a new onion. “You’re here, and we’re going to be in this cabin for a couple days. The road is going to be blown shut, and the snow will be a couple feet deep by the time this ends. We can go in on the snowmobile, but that’s about it.”

“And that makes you nervous?”

Garvin shook his head. “You do.”

“I make you nervous.” He leaned over the counter. “How do I do that?” It was too much to expect that the nerves came from the same source as his own.

Garvin shrugged. “It’s probably just me. I need to learn not to overthink every single thing in my life.” He finished the onion and then began cutting four slices of bacon. He added that to a pan and got it cooking just as the lights switched off and the room went dark.

“Crap,” Garvin swore. “Come over here and watch this. I need to get the lamps.”

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