Page 57 of Antidote

“I firmly believe that you were at this meeting for a reason, and maybe that reason was for you to find me. I know you don’t believe one day is a miracle, but I do. I’ll help you stay sober. I’ll check in with you every day, and I’ll make sure you come to meetings. I want you to know that I’d rather you be here, even if you’re thinking of using, than not be here and dreaming about getting sober.”

I nod once. “Okay.” She beams at me, and my stomach tightens. She appears so damn happy…and I’m just…not that way right now. Although she does give me a little bit of hope. Hope that I can get through this. “Will you be my sponsor?”

Lisa jumps and claps. “Yes!”

The next few minutes are spent talking and exchanging phone numbers. We agree to meet up later in the week for coffee or dinner, and then I’m on my way home.

But this time, I promise myself I’ll make it to one year sober.

One step at a time.

There’s a knock at the door, and I hurry over to it, fixing my hair for the millionth time. Hunter watches me from the couch, a scowl on his face as he turns his attention back to his video game, his lips pursed and eyes tightening at the corners. Right now, he looks much older than his twenty years of age, and it makes me sad for him. I don’t say anything about it—but I’ve heard him crying at night once or twice, and it breaks my fucking heart. Lucy’s death hit him hard, and how could it not? He’s always been a momma’s boy.

It’s been a few days since I’ve felt better, and we’re back to our usual distance. After he kissed me and cuddled me to sleep, I woke up to an empty bed. That was our agreement, but it didn’t hurt any less. Since then, he’s been a shell of himself. He barely looks at me, and he definitely doesn’t talk to me.

I’ve been wanting to act out, just to get his attention. Which is why I invited Jamie to the auction tonight. As my date. I could go alone, yet I also want to get a rise out of Hunter. If only because I miss him acting like he cares, even if it’s for a few seconds. The look of pure jealousy and rage crossing his face right now is enough to hold me over for a few more days. It may be immature, but I don’t care. I need it.

I smirk and open the door, and just as expected, Jamie whistles and pushes past me. “Goddamn.” He grins, “You clean up real good, Oliver.”

My name on his lips doesn’t bother me, probably because he doesn’t mean the world to me. And that’s exactly how I want to keep this—a strict friendship. Yet here I am, unable to help myself as I smile back. For Hunter’s benefit, I say, “Look at you,” I chuckle. “You look hot as fuck.”

Jamie takes a hold of my hand and spins me in a circle like we’re dancing, and I feel Hunter’s eyes on us as we giggle like fucking idiots. He huffs from across the room, and I turn my face to see him watching us with interest—and disdain. He gets up from the couch and closes the distance between us, pulling me away from Jamie. Only Jamie doesn’t look concerned in the slightest as he looks between us with a smirk.

“I’ll meet you outside,” Jamie says with a smile.

“Okay.” I nod, then turn around to face Hunter.

There’s anger lining his features as he scans me from my toes all the way to my face, a furrow in his brows. He invades my space, closing the distance between us until his nose brushes against mine, and his hand cups the back of my head, fingers getting lost in my hair. I close my eyes and relish in the feeling, his nails scraping my scalp softly.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he asks, and it reminds me of the time he convinced me not to go on a date. Except this isn’t what’s happening. He’s not going to sweep me off my feet again and keep me.

“Going out.”

“On a date?” he asks through gritted teeth.

“Does it matter?” I search his eyes, search for answers, yet all I see are questions. “Why do you care?”

“You know it matters, Blue,” he whispers. “Fuck.”

I sigh and try to push away from him, but he doesn’t let me, tightening his hand in my hair until it’s painful. I’m sure he’s giving me bedhead, and I’m going to have to fix it again, but right now, I can’t bring myself to care. “Why are you doing this?”

“I can’t—” His voice breaks. “I can’t watch you?—”

I chuckle. “What?” He stiffens. “You can’t watch me live my life?”

And just barely audible over the wild beating of my heart, he says, “Not without me in it.”

“Fuck,” I growl. “Make up your fucking mind, Hunter. You won’t have me, but you won’t let me go either.” His breath hitches. “Let me go,” I croak. “Please. Don’t do this.”

Hunter closes his eyes. He stays frozen, and I’m almost afraid of what he will do. But at the same time, all I can think of is our loss of contact, how I want it—crave it—back.

“Where are you going?” he asks, though it’s not a demand. It’s almost as if he’s genuinely curious about how I’m spending my time.

“An auction. I have a painting to sell.” Of you.

“That’s—amazing.” He grins and I return it. “Behave, Blue.”

I smirk and whisper back, “Never, Green.”

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