Page 253 of The Moment We Know

Ashley thought of all the times she’d put on elaborate make-up because she’d thought it made her look prettier for him, and she’d probably been wrong about that. One more thing in a long list of things.

After David released her, Paige started to leave the living room, only to turn back and say to Ashley, “By the way, it’s sort of a tradition to dress up for birthday dinners … no matter where we go.”

“Even to fucking Cracker Barrel,” David said.

Ashley glanced down at her skinny jeans and casual sweater, and knew she’d definitely be changing into something nicer. “Thank you for letting me know.”

“You’re welcome.”

This time, when Paige left, David let her go, watching her until she was out of sight. When he turned back to Ashley, she tilted her head. “You know, over the years, I’ve thought a lot about how things would’ve worked out if I’d been honest from the beginning,” she mused. “But it was always her, wasn’t it? Even when you were with me.”

“I think so, yes, deep down on some level,” he admitted gently.

Ashley was touched by the fact he was trying to not hurt her feelings, but hearing David had basically been on loan to her while they’d been together, actually made her feel a smidge better. It made her realize, to a certain extent, that while her actions had undoubtedly brought about the demise of their relationship much quicker than it probably would’ve occurred naturally, the demise had likely always been on the horizon. Knowing that gave her a bit of release from the regret she’d felt over destroying something that (in her mind) could’ve lasted, but it didn’t release her from the shame of her destructive actions.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like a dick,” he said, in response to her pensive silence.

“You didn’t,” she quickly assured him. “I was just thinking about regrets … and shame. I’ve lived with a lot of both over the years, much of it related to Jacob, obviously, and I know my apology to him was a very small thing—”

“I don’t think it was small. I don’t think he did, either.”

“Thank you, but …” Ashley gave a quick shake of her head and looked away for a long moment. When she looked back, her expression was full of heavy remorse. “I know my apology to you will be equally as small—not to mention, long overdue—but I still owe you one, as well.”

“Ashley—”

“Please. It needs to be said just how sorry I am for lying to you, and going behind your back to do underhanded, shitty things. For every time I didn’t help out, every meal I didn’t make, every dish I didn’t wash, every load of laundry I didn’t do, every diaper I didn’t change. For not even doing the bare minimum when it came to raising and loving my own child, and for not appreciating what I had with you, which was everything. I really did love you, David, even though it probably never seemed like I did, and I threw it away with both hands.” She pursed her lips. “For a long time, I hid behind the excuse that I was young and immature, until I finally faced the fact I was neither, that I was simply a selfish, thoughtless, and narcissistic bitch, something I’ll always be ashamed of.”

He could hear the utter sincerity of her words, and was floored by them. Never in a million years had he thought they’d be having a conversation like this. “Apology accepted,” he finally said.

“Thank you. That really means a lot to me.”

They shared a long look in the wake of her brutally honest apology, the air between them slightly awkward. Crossing his arms across his chest, he debated whether or not he should add to the awkwardness, then decided to go for it. “Can I ask you something?”

Instead of appearing wary at the question, she actually seemed amused. “I assume it’s about Liam?”

He nodded. “I was wondering how long you two lasted.”

“About a year. Until I found out he was cheating on me.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t seem surprised by that.”

“I’m not.” He took a deep breath and released it. “To be honest, I knew he was cheating on you.”

“How did you know that?”

“I overheard him talking about his ‘other piece of ass’ in a bar one night.”

Ashley raised a dark eyebrow. “How did you happen to be in the same bar as him?”

There wasn’t any sense in lying to her now. “I’d been following him, so I knew what bar he liked to, uh, frequent.”

“You were following him?”

“Yes. I was trying to gather information, so I could fuck him up a little bit.”

“Are you serious?”

---