Page 63 of The Moment We Know

She was sitting on his side of the bed, her face pale, her expression a mixture of uncertainty and apprehension, as if afraid he might go nuclear on her. Setting her phone on the nightstand, Paige got to her feet when she saw him and he immediately crossed the room to engulf her in a hug, the need to hold her absolute. “Jesus, I’ve been so worried about you. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she replied, the words coming out barely louder than a whisper; he was squeezing her so tight, it was actually hard to take a breath. “I feel like a total asshole for leaving, though. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“Yeah, about that,” he said gently. “What happened?”

Even though it was difficult, she pulled back to look at him, his question reinforcing her confusion. “You were there. You know what happened.” She swallowed hard and forged ahead. “I was … raping you.”

It took him a second to register the word raping, and then another second to realize she was dead serious. “What? Jesus, is that what you thought?” He was stunned. “You weren’t raping me, Paige.”

Her eyebrows drew together at his utter sincerity. “You were saying, ‘No,’ and begging me to stop—”

“Yes, I was, but—”

“—so you obviously didn’t want it.”

He put his hands on her face and pulled her in for a hard kiss. “I did want it. Holy Jesus, did I want it. I just didn’t want it like that. I wanted you to stop so you could take the cuffs off me. That’s all.”

“That’s … all?” Paige blinked at him in consternation. So what she had thought had happened, had all been in her head? She’d been thinking she’d violated him, but she really hadn’t? It was like finding out the earth was actually flat. “Really?”

“Yes.” He kissed her again, this time with more finesse and felt himself stirring. “Your, um, take-charge attitude was more than welcome, and I was totally on board with your initiative until I realized our only real connection was my dick, and I couldn’t participate like I wanted to. I couldn’t do anything to make it good for you, or even touch you. I felt … helpless.”

She thought about how she’d have felt if their roles had been reversed and almost missed what David said next.

“All I could think about was wanting our first time together—or rather, our second first time together—to be something we did together. I was afraid that if we weren’t both actively involved, then it wouldn’t be as good as it could be. And if it wasn’t as good as it could be, then maybe that would be damaging to you. To us.”

“Oh.” Paige felt like she was going to cry again. “Well … fuck.”

“When you left, I thought you’d been triggered in some way.”

“I wasn’t triggered. I was ashamed and … I disassociated, I guess. I barely remember leaving, to be honest.”

“Where did you go?”

“I ended up at Walgreens.”

“Walgreens?”

She nodded slowly, then told him about her call to Jules from a pay phone because she’d left her phone at the loft.

“Well, shit. That explains a lot. I was thinking …” he trailed off, shaking his head.

“You were thinking I was ignoring you.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. What else were you supposed to think?” She looked down for a moment, then back up. “So, you really went to my apartment?”

He nodded with a half-grimace and proceeded to tell her about his encounter with Mrs. Harte.

“I’m sorry this night was such a disaster,” Paige murmured.

“Yeah, it probably could’ve played out better.”

She almost laughed at his ludicrous understatement.

“But, it also could’ve played out worse,” he added. “I mean, my phone could’ve been in the living room, leaving me without Siri to call Dick and he could’ve been unable to come by—”

“Oh, my God. That’s how you got out of the handcuffs?”

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