Page 89 of Unwanted

Jak left the library, the place where he’d felt safe and…happy. For a time. Now, now there was nowhere he felt safe.

Brett stepped out of a doorway, opening his stupid big-toothed mouth to say something, and Jak growled, pushing him out of his way. He stopped, hoping Brett would want to fight him, but he stumbled back, letting out a high-pitched sound like a girl chipmunk. It would be no fun to fight a female squirrel. He’d crush him. “Jesus, you’re an animal,” Brett said to his back as Jak walked on. Brett was right. Jak couldn’t hide it. He’d thought he could, but he was wrong.

The sound of the crying birds drew him. He entered the aviary, stopping and looking around at the beautiful sad creatures. The cat-pretend-bird lady was there, and she moved toward him. “I knew you’d come around.”

Jak stepped by her, moving toward the cages. He flung one of the doors open and then moved to the other two, the birds quieting, hesitating. He reached in and took one of the bright-yellow creatures in his hand and threw it into the air, the bird whooping and fluttering her wings, flying free. “What are you doing?” Loni screeched.

He flung the third birdcage door open, and a few birds flew out. He began tossing more of them into the air, their wings flapping with happiness, and after a moment more followed.

Jak ran to the wall of windows, unlocking them and flinging them outward as Loni screeched some more, trying to get the doors of the cages closed. But she was taken over in a massive fluttering of wings, the bird cries turning to laughter that rang through the room, growing louder, more joyous. They rushed toward the window, following one another to freedom.

“You beast! You uncivilized savage!” she screeched. “You’ll kill them! They’ll all die out there!”

He walked past her, heading for the door. Yes, he knew that. Creatures couldn’t live where they didn’t belong. But at least they’d die laughing.

Chapter Forty-Four

He’d disappeared. Apparently during a riotous bird jailbreak. Now no one knew where he’d gone. Harper’s heart twisted as she paced her apartment. Jak, Jak, Jak.

She could only imagine the torment he’d felt when Agent Gallagher told him about what they’d found. He’d not only survived those unthinkable moments, but they’d been orchestrated, saved on film. Critiqued. Twenty-four hours later, she could hardly fathom the evil. Could hardly think about it without tears springing to her eyes.

“Where are you?” she murmured. The only place he knew was the forest. Would he go back there now that he didn’t have a house to live in?

She had a feeling he would. She had a feeling he was hunkered down somewhere alone. A cave or a cropping of trees. Somewhere he felt safe. Did you not come to me because you didn’t know how? Because you felt so lost in this world? Was it because she hadn’t gone to him? She’d wanted to, only Agent Gallagher had thought it best that he deliver the news, get the answers he needed. And truth be told, she’d needed some time to get herself together after what she’d seen. God, her heart hurt.

She couldn’t simply sit around waiting for news, and the sheriff’s office wasn’t mounting a search. He wasn’t a criminal. Well, if you didn’t count the whole bird-freeing thing (but his grandfather had apparently talked his step-grandmother into not pressing charges for that). Nor was he a missing person. He was a victim. And he’d walked away from Thornland Estate without a backward glance.

Harper threw on her coat and pulled on her boots, grabbed her purse, and locked her door behind her. Twenty minutes later, she was pulling off the highway onto the back road that led to the closed-off logging trail.

The walk to what had been Jak’s house was easier now that some of the snow had melted. Despite her worry and fear that she wouldn’t find him, Harper was able to appreciate the beauty of the forest. The air so clean and fresh, the birdsong all around her, the sense of being part of everything in some indefinable way. Jak had walked through this forest all of his life, thinking his own thoughts, dreaming his own dreams, learning, growing…not a single person to share any of it with. The loneliness he must have felt… She couldn’t even fathom how he’d survived any of it, but mostly the loneliness. Mostly that.

She came to the house he’d lived in. Everything was still…hushed. She walked to the door and knocked but received no answer. At the back of the house, she put her hands around her mouth so her voice would carry. “Jak?” she called into the forest, stepping closer. She felt him; she swore she did.

“Jak?” she called again, louder. “Please come out. Please. I’m alone, and I’m…afraid.” It was true, but she knew she was using manipulation. If he could hear her, he would come. He wouldn’t resist her plea for help. She knew him, and she used his goodness. Because I love him, she told herself. Because I haven’t even said it to him yet and he needs to know. He needs to know he’s loved.

She heard a rustling. Footsteps. And he appeared, stepping between two trees, his head lowered. He looked so different now than the first time she’d seen him standing amid the forest. His coat was store-bought, his boots clean and new, his jaw only showing the bare bit of scruff. When he looked up, the expression on his face was wary, afraid, filled with…grief. Shame.

“Jak,” she said softly, using her arm to gesture to the forest around them. “You…you don’t belong here anymore.” You belong with me. Come home with me.

He looked down, shaking his head. “I know, Harper. But…I don’t belong there either. I don’t belong anywhere.”

She rushed to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, pressing her face to his chest, breathing him in. “I know it feels like that, but it’s not true,” she said, holding him tighter. He’d gone still when she’d wrapped him in her arms, and now he let out a tortured sigh, his arms coming around her, running over her hair, her back, a groaning sound emanating from his chest.

She tipped her head, looking up at him. “Jak, I was so worried.”

Confusion skated over his face before he let go of her, stepping away, turning again. “You saw,” he said, his voice a broken whisper. “You don’t have to pretend. I know you saw all of it. You saw. What I did. You…saw.”

Oh God. He’s…ashamed. So wrong. Although he had to be more upset by the revelations she knew Agent Gallagher had shared with him, by the news of the terrible crime committed against him. She took him in, his shoulders hunched, head hanging low. He looked like a wounded animal. Lost. Her heart twisted, cracked.

She took a deep breath. “Yes,” she confirmed. “I saw.” She moved closer, putting her hand on his arm, though he still didn’t turn toward her. “I saw pictures of you surviving in ways that will never be erased from my soul. Not because they disgusted me, but because my heart bled for you and rejoiced with you and found awe in your courage. Your will to live. The pictures I saw broke my heart, Jak, but more than that, they made me proud and deeply humbled by your strength. They…made me love you even more than I already did,” she finished, her voice filled with the heartfelt passion that lived in her heart for the man in front of her, feeling shame for things he was not responsible for.

He turned then, though slowly, his face filled with wary surprise, a glimmer of hope. But as quickly as she saw it, it disappeared. “He described me as a possum sometimes, other times a deer.” He stepped back, away from her. “He also called me the wolf.” He let out a deep tortured breath. “And…I’m all of them, Harper.” He said it as though his heart broke to admit it, such sadness in his eyes that she almost couldn’t bear it. “I’m each one. I tried not to be, but I am.” He shook his head. “I haven’t been the possum for a long time. He was the scared boy. But the other two…they’re who I grew to be, and I can’t leave either one behind.” He took a shuddery breath. “Do you want the buck who will shake hands and use table manners or the wolf who might tear you apart? And what happens if I can’t promise you the wolf won’t come out when you least expect it? I can’t be just one or the other. I’m both.” His voice broke on the last word, fading away.

She stood straighter, his words bolstering her. Yes, she’d known that, hadn’t she? She’d sensed him holding back, for her, felt him trying to suppress that part of him—the wolf. She’d been glad for it because that side of him was an unknown and it scared her, but beyond her fear, there had been the spark of…disappointment, hadn’t there? Disappointment at his restraint. And she understood what he was telling her. She couldn’t have him in pieces. He’d spent his life surviving because of that wild, beastly part of him. To reject it would be to reject the very core of who he was.

“I want the wolf,” she said softly. “I want you. I don’t need you to hold back.” It was the truest thing she’d ever said, she realized. She was willing to cast away any fear because she trusted him. There was no part of him she didn’t want. Each piece of him had been hard won. Hard fought for, and she’d take them all.

He studied her, his eyes narrowing, watching. “Before I lived in that house, I lived in caves, Harper, or sometimes holes animals dug in the ground.”

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