Page 75 of Mob Princess

“Would he take you?”

“Yes.”

That’s easy to answer. He wouldn’t intentionally hurt me. But he would force me to go with him. I don’t doubt he’d bind my wrists and gag me. I would go willingly if it were Sean doing that. But I’ll fucking kill Justin before he takes me away from Sean.

I don’t know how to account for these emotions. I’m terrified, angry, frustrated, confused. It’s a fucking hurricane in my head right now. I’m so fucking frustrated. I don’t know if the anger I already have toward my brother fuels my refusal to trust Justin or consider leaving Sean here. I don’t know if it’s fear that he’s going to die, and I’ll feel guilty if I leave. I know I’m confused because this might or might not be about me. I don’t know if I’m terrified I’ll die if I go anywhere without someone in his family with me. I don’t know a lot of things right now.

The thing I do know is that I’m going nowhere without Sean. I’ve never felt such physical pain as I did the moment I saw the blood. It was like I was between those enormous metal blocks they push together to crush cars. For those moments when he wasn’t moving or talking, when he looked like chalk, it was like being tossed in a vacuum. There was no future to guide me out of the abyss. It just felt empty when I thought he was dying. He might still die.

I’m holding myself together, but only by a thread. I don’t like public displays of anger or sadness. They make me feel weak. But my hand is clutching my phone to keep from hurling it across this motherfucking room. My eyes burn from the tears that want to fall again.

I am a mob granddaughter. I am a mob daughter. I am a mob sister. And according to Sean, I am a mob girlfriend. I do not show any emotion in public that I don’t want to. I control them. They do not control me.

I keep telling myself that as the minutes tick by, and Cormac and Seamus don’t press for more. When I’m calm enough to control my voice, I turn to them.

“Justin is likely on his way here. He’s been my bodyguard since I moved to Boston and was when I would visit. I’ve known him since we were kids. If he tries to take me from Sean, kill him.”

Chapter Fifteen

Sean

Motherfucking son of a goddamn bitch.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. My Catholic grandmothers are doing cartwheels in their graves at my blasphemy. But holy fuck this hurts. This hurts more than the time Maks Kutsenko shot me for punching Bogdan after that shitwad tried to knife Dillan. This hurts more than the time Jorge Diaz shot me after I shot him. I didn’t have a reason other than he pisses me the fuck off, and I didn’t feel like looking at him. Mom said I got what I deserved for that one.

My throat burns as I come round, but the pain in my back and ribs threatens to make me pass out all over again.

Shite balls. Mom and Da are going to be so pissed. At least it wasn’t Mom’s carpet I bled on this time. She hates the smell of that carpet cleaner she insists upon using. It takes weeks to go away. If she’d just use the stuff our guys use when?—

“Sean.”

I didn’t imagine that, did I?

“Lina?”

“Yes, nounours. What are you saying about carpet cleaner? I don’t understand.”

I said that out loud?

“Lina! Lina!”

I struggle to get my eyes open. I need to find her. I need to hold her. Did they shoot her too?

“Shh, nounours. I’m right here. I thought you were already awake. Shh.”

My eyes finally pry open as a cool hand strokes my forehead. She’s leaning over me, and I have the most glorious view down her dress.

“You have the most sensational bre?—”

Her hand covers my mouth as I reach for her. I hear laughter, and I realize we’re not alone. She straightens, and I see Cormac and Seamus.

“Feck off. Way to ruin the dream I was waking up to. Go away and let me say hello to my girlfriend properly.”

“Sean, they?—”

“They’ll be the next ones shot. Go away.”

Their laughter trails them to the door. When I’m certain we’re alone, my left arm—the one I can lift—wraps around Lina and tugs her to me. She scrambles not to land on me, but I only tighten my grip.

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