Page 74 of Mafia Star

“I don’t know yet.”

I believe that.

“Is this about today or something else?”

He remains silent. I can assume it’s about today, but who the fuck knows what else he’s been dealing with?

“Do you know if you’ll be back tonight?”

He doesn’t answer. I have other questions, but clearly it’s pointless. This is what I signed up for. These are the lies he told me he’d tell. Either by word or omission. He scoops me onto his lap, and I shift uncomfortably. Fuck. My sore ass meeting his rock-solid thigh doesn’t feel good. He cocks an eyebrow at me as if to say “see.” That was the point of the punishment. I wanted it, and I took it.

“You know I would answer your questions if I could. There will be times when you ask me things I can’t answer. I truly won’t know the answer. And there are times you’ll ask things I just can’t tell you. Part of me hopes you’ll keep asking. That you’ll wonder and care. That you won’t just resign yourself to me keeping things from you. But the other part of me fears you’ll stop asking because you’ll resent me never telling you the truth.”

“I will always wonder and care. But it is frustrating to know there’s no point.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not you, Marco. You’ve warned me since the start. I knew from Chelle. It’s just different when it’s happening to you.”

“I promise I will tell you as much as I think is safe. Right now, I don’t know enough to decide, so I’m erring on the side of caution. I will always do my best to say goodbye before I leave, even if it’s just a call.”

“I’d ask if you’re warning me that there’s always a chance you won’t come home. But after today, I’ll never wonder that again.”

He cups my cheek and kisses me with so much love and tenderness that I melt into him. I wish this kiss could carry on forever, so neither of us has to accept he’s going to drop me off with virtual strangers and leave. At least my sister will be there. Thank God for that.

But it’s over way too soon. He’s putting on the fresh clothes that appeared in a bag before we left the FBI. I’m wearing jeans and a nice shirt. I’d rather be in yoga pants and oversized -shirt, or better yet, one of Marco’s. But I try to appear presentable.

We’re quiet in the car to Queens. I nestle against him, his arms wrapped around me as I sit next to him. Halfway there, we both get fed up with the angle. I don’t know if it’s because it’s a town car, and it kinda feels like the old days of cabs where no one wore a seatbelt, or if it’s being with Marco, but I never question sitting on his lap. I snuggle with him as we both look out the window. I’m so comfortable I would fall asleep if I wasn’t so anxious about being around his entire family. On top of that, he’ll be leaving me with them to do heaven only knows what.

When we arrive, the door opens, and Chelle darts out. I let go of Marco and run to my sister. We crash into each other, and we’d fall over if Marco and Enzo didn’t keep us on our feet. We cling to each other much longer than most would consider necessary. It slams into me how close I came to never seeing my sister again. Marco and I haven’t talked about what to tell my parents. Neither has called, so maybe they haven’t heard about the press conference.

Chelle tucks hair back from my face as she looks me over, my arms still around her. We lean in again, hugging more than we have since our brother died. No one tries to hurry us. I noticed Enzo and Marco hugging, but they’re giving us time.

“Lizzie, I was so scared. And angry. Enzo practically had to tie me to a chair to keep me from going down there. I wanted to know what they were doing to my big sister.”

“When I saw Sinead, I wondered why you weren’t there, too. But I realized you’re not a defense attorney.”

“That had nothing to do with it. Enzo knew I was too furious. I didn’t trust myself not to lose my shit and make things worse. I knew you needed time with Marco, so I didn’t go to your place. But that took restraint I didn’t think I had. That was harder than not going to Federal Plaza.”

Now I feel guilty.

“Lizzie, stop. Don’t feel guilty. Not about not calling me or Mom and Dad. They know what happened. I talked to them. You and Marco needed to be alone to deal with this. It’s the first time for you. I needed it after the car accident, but we couldn’t have it right away. I’m glad you did.”

“We got lucky, and neither of us was seriously hurt.”

“But you could have been, and that’s why I was too enraged to go anywhere near the authorities. I would have been the one arrested.”

I glance over at Marco.

“I’ve always felt protective of you, and not just because you’re younger than me or because Sam died. When I learned what happened to you and how badly you could have been hurt or died, I discovered a newfound level of it. But what I felt today when I thought Marco was going to die— I didn’t recognize myself.”

“I know what you mean. How I feel about Enzo has heightened all my emotions. Seeing that press conference made me realize how important all my family is to me, and there is nothing I won’t do to protect it. I get my in-laws in an entirely new way. In a fucked-up way, I feel even closer to them, knowing I wouldn’t think twice about killing someone to save you.”

“Same.”

We hug again, and it brings me a different kind of relief from what Marco gave me. My sister and I walk into the house arm-in-arm. But I soon feel like I need to straighten my posture and get my manners together. They’re all there, even two little girls watching something on their device.

Nicoletta pushes past Luca and Enzo to get to Marco. He lifts her off her feet as she hugs her son. I need to call my parents. She’s speaking in such rapid Italian I don’t know if anyone can understand her. He puts her back on her feet, but neither of them lets go. I guess no one completely gets used to the threats and danger. They aren’t impervious to the fear and relief.

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