Page 10 of The Story Of Us

Once the bell rings, I start packing my stuff away, and he approaches me again.

“Violet, I want to fix this.” The softness in his voice is still there even after the way I spoke to him, and I don’t know how he manages it. I don’t know if I can ever speak to him the same way I used to. Sometimes, it even feels like all the kindness I had for him has escaped me.

“There’s nothing to fix.” I stand, shrugging my bag onto my shoulder and tucking my chair under the desk. He’s standing right next to me and doesn’t move at all, even when I try to leave.

“Please don’t say that.” He whispers, a pained look on his face, with his forehead creased, and his lips pressed together tightly. I think of all the times I would smooth the crease between his eyebrows to get rid of it because I hated seeing him like that. He tilts his head to the side, and I hate that I’m still so affected by his mannerisms that I still know them all intimately enough to know what he’s saying without words.

“Just leave me alone. We’re done.”

It’s harsh, and I know I’ve hurt him by the sharp inhale of breath he takes, his eyes closing for a few seconds before he opens them again. His gaze flits across my face, and I regret saying it. I want to take the words back because I know by the way he’s looking at me that he’s going to do exactly what I ask of him because that’s what he’s always done.

He takes a deep breath before nodding his head and doesn’t say a single word to me before he turns and walks out of the classroom, taking another little piece of my heart with him.

The sound of my phone ringing forces me to get up from where I’m lying on my bed and stumble over to my desk to answer it while it’s charging. Who knew pretending to do stuff on your phone just to avoid looking at your ex-boyfriend could drain the battery so much?

I answer it, and as soon as my mum says my name, it’s like the strength I’ve been forcing all day just completely collapses, and I sink back onto my bed, throwing my arm across my eyes as I will myself not to start crying.

“How was your first day?”

“It was fine.” I’m afraid that if I say anything more, if she asks about Isaac, I won’t be able to hold back the tears that are building in my eyes.

“Just fine? Did you see him?”

I can’t help the shaky breath that escapes me. I hope she hasn’t heard it, but then she lets out a sigh of her own. I’m torn between telling her what happened with him, how he said he wanted to fix it, and how, for a split second, I almost agreed. But then I decide it’ll just make her worry more than she already seems to be doing, so I don’t say anything at all.

“You’re allowed to be sad, meri jaan, and you don’t have to bottle it all up. If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

Mum knows that I never told anyone else, and so she really is the only person I can talk about him with, but I don’t want to. It still feels like I did something wrong by telling her in the first place because I just know he’s still kept our secret. I always thought he would tell Luke because of how close they are, but my gut instinct tells me that he still hasn’t. I’m the only one who’s broken that promise, but he’s broken so many others.

“I’m okay, really. It was just weird seeing him. But I can’t avoid him for the entire year, so I’ll just have to deal with it.”

“You can come home whenever you want.”

That brings me back to my senses, and I roll my eyes because I knew she would say that. She doesn’t understand that even though I love her more than anything else in the entire world, I want to leave her, move away even further for university, and not have to rely on her so much for everything. I sit up, frustration building within me because I know she’s only trying to help me, but going home won’t fix anything.

“I’m not coming home, Mum. The year just started. It’s way too soon.”

“I didn’t say you had to come home now, just whenever you want.” Her voice is still soft, but there’s a hint of annoyance coming through. I decide to just keep going since this conversation has started already and there’s no point pretending I have any other plans for the rest of the year.

“Honestly, I probably won’t come home as often. It’s my last year, and I need to focus on studying, which is easier to do when I’m here.”

She lets out a sigh, and I can picture her so clearly that I can tell that she’s probably pinching the bridge of her nose with her eyes closed as she tries to remain calm.

“Okay, whatever you think is best for you. I love you, meri jaan. Call me whenever.”

“Love you, too.”

I hang up and throw my phone back onto my desk. I’ve regretted so many things I’ve said today, not just to her but to Isaac, too, but I’m too cowardly to do anything about it. I spend the rest of the night trying to figure out how I can stop letting this hurt fester inside me, but I don’t find a solution.

4

ISAAC

It feels like it takes me years to walk back to my room, my brain filled with muddled thoughts of the upcoming year, university applications, and the LNAT, but the most distracting thoughts of all are about Violet. As soon as my mind drifts to her, it’s like I can’t focus on anything else. It’s always been that way, so I don’t know why I thought it would be any different now.

I don’t know what I thought would happen once we were back at school. A delusional part of me hoped that she would hear me out, listen to my explanation for why I acted the way I did, but of course, she won’t. The way she spoke to me, those few precious words she graced me with, told me everything I needed to know about how she feels for me now. She hates me, I think, and I only have myself to blame for it because I’m the one who broke her heart.

I drop my bag off my shoulder as I unlock my door and throw it on my desk. I decide to sit there instead of on my bed because I know as soon as I lay down, I won’t want to get up. Today has been exhausting, and it felt like all my energy was drained as soon as Violet told me to leave her alone.

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