Page 84 of The Story Of Us

“Then we’ll figure it out together. Whatever happens, we’ll be alright. You will be alright.” She pauses, and I wish I could have the same faith in myself that she seems to have in me. “I’m here for you no matter what.”

I hear the words she isn’t saying, that she’ll still be with me even if the slimmest chance comes true and I do end up at Oxford. But I’m determined not to have her make that choice - I’m going with her, and we’re chasing the dreams we made together.

The sound of my dad’s car pulling up in the driveway extinguishes any good thoughts I had, and it must show on my face because then Violet is telling me, again, that she believes in me and that we’ll be fine. I hang up the phone and drop it on my bed, trying to steady my breathing before leaving my room.

When I get downstairs, my dad is in the kitchen, briefcase in hand, with his tie loosened around his neck and exhaustion clear on his face. I wonder if that’s what I’ll look like when I’m his age, whether I’ll be as worn down as he looks because of the job I’m working. I hate the thought of it - that’s not the life I want.

He says my name when he catches sight of me and gestures towards the table, telling me to sit. This is it.

“Are you still set on taking a gap year?” he asks, once again avoiding any niceties and getting straight to the root of what he wants to talk about. I can’t even remember the last time he asked how I was.

I brace myself, hands clasped under the table so he can’t see the way my nails are digging into the backs of them.

I want to lie, to pretend that I want a gap year and that I’ll go to Oxford next September instead. But then I think of Violet, of a future with her, and that gives me the bravery I need to say the truth.

“No, I’m not.”

My father just looks at me, the lines on his forehead getting deeper as he raises his eyebrows and nods to himself.

“Glad you got that out of your head before it was too late. Get your laptop, and we’ll confirm Oxford as your top choice.”

I exhale shakily, my hands still clenched together as I force the words out of my mouth.

“I’m not going to Oxford.”

His expression changes in an instant. His eyebrows drop, and the crease between them becomes more prominent as he frowns.

“This isn’t the time for jokes. I thought we got rid of this silly idea last year.”

“It’s not silly.” I know I sound like a child, but I can’t help it. “I don’t want to go to Oxford or do Law or do anything like that.”

“What does wanting have to do with it? It’s all been lined up for you. You just have to do as we say.”

“But why? Because you and mum did it? You both love your jobs, and I’m appreciative of everything that you’ve provided for me, but it’s not what I want to do.”

“You think I love my job? The long hours, the tedious clients, the unending paperwork? There’s nothing to love about it, but I do it so I can give you the life that you and your sister have enjoyed since you were born.”

“Don’t bring Izzy into this.”

“I know what you’ve been trying to do to her, too. Putting the same foolish thoughts into her head that fill yours, but I won’t allow it anymore. You’re going to do as you’re told, and so is she.”

“Again, I’m asking why? You just said you hated everything about it, so why do you want that for me, too? I have a path I want to follow, one that will make me happy, and I’ll actually enjoy. Why can’t I do that?”

“Because that’s not what the real world is like, Isaac. We’ve let you live in a fantasy for long enough at that school, but it’s time to stop now. You’ll confirm Oxford and finish the year out, and then you’ll move on with your life.”

It feels like I’m outside of my body watching this conversation happen like everything is muffled and I’m underwater.

I think about Izzy and how much I don’t want this to be her life, too. I think about Violet and the life I want to have with her. Thinking about the two most important girls in my life is what gives me the courage to finally stand up to him.

I’m tired of having to lie to them, tired of keeping up the pretence for so long, tired of not being supported by the people who are supposed to.

“What if I don’t?” I keep my tone steady, not letting it waver for a single syllable.

“Don’t what?”

“What if I don’t go to Oxford? What will you do?”

“Don’t be stupid.”

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