Page 12 of The Story Of Us

He groans before rolling himself off the bed and onto the floor, then stands up. I don’t know how that seemed like a more efficient way for him to get up, but it worked, so I don’t acknowledge it.

“Jinhee’s already in a mood. She keeps doing this weird thing where she waits for me before she eats. She never used to do that.”

I tuck my phone into the back pocket of my jeans before crouching down to put my tan Converse high tops on. Violet mentioned she liked these shoes once, and I’ve worn them every day since.

We leave my room, Luke closing the door behind us.

“I think most girls are like that with their boyfriends.” I shrug.

I don’t tell him that I heard it first-hand from Violet on one of those days when we considered telling people just so we could act like every other couple at school who got to sit together at meal times. There would be other times when Violet wanted a snack while we were studying but wouldn’t eat anything unless I did. I never wanted her to be hungry, so I would just eat whenever she did, leading to so many stomach aches, but it was always worth it.

“I didn’t think she’d be like this,” he pauses, and the smile on his face tells me he’s thinking about her. “I really like it though.”

He’s had a crush on Jinhee for so long that it didn’t surprise me when he came to my room last April and told me that they had kissed. I wish I could have told him about Violet then, but instead, I just listened as he spoke about Jinhee and congratulated him on finally making a move.

We head towards the girls’ dormitory, catching each other up on our days even though we’ll have to do it all over again when we meet the girls. Luke suddenly picks up his speed, and I look ahead to see that Jinhee and Olivia are waiting outside their building. They catch sight of us, too, and as soon as Jinhee starts waving at Luke, he nearly breaks into a full-on run just to reach her. I can’t help the smile on my face when they hug each other, but it immediately drops when I hear the door open and turn my head to see Violet coming out of it.

She’s with Avery, her best friend, whom she’s been inseparable from since the first day of school. Seeing them together now has me thinking about how different things might be if Violet and I hadn’t spoken on that first day or if we’d never found out we shared a birthday. I can’t imagine now having known her for these past few years considering how much she’s changed my life.

The only thing I know for sure is that my heart wouldn’t be pounding so fast just from watching her walk past me, not even sparing a glance in my direction. I wonder how it can be so easy for her to pretend that nothing ever happened between us when every time I see her, it feels like I have to fight to keep myself from collapsing to the ground.

I try my best to shake those thoughts away before I start spiralling. I did enough of that over the summer, thought so much about how different our paths could have been if we hadn’t started up a friendship all those years ago, and it just made me feel worse.

I ease back into the conversation with my friends, and we start walking to the dining hall, inadvertently ending up behind Violet and Avery. I keep all my focus on Olivia, attempting to listen intently to whatever she’s saying, but all I can see is Violet’s hair right in front of me. She hasn’t styled it like she usually does; it’s just tied back in a ponytail, and I guess she was probably just too tired to do anything with it.

It used to be my favourite game to play with myself before school every day, wondering what style she would have it in or if she would wear the pretty butterfly clips that I loved so much or not. When I told her how much I liked them she started wearing them every day. I don’t think I’ll see them in her hair ever again.

When we enter the dining hall, Luke and Jinhee head for the food line while Olivia and I go to our usual table that luckily hasn’t been overtaken by any new kids. We take our seats, and although I’m growing tired of torturing myself, I scan the room to try to find Violet. It only takes me a couple of seconds, that instinct that feels ingrained in my soul, to always know where she is, not failing me even after our breakup.

Tray in hand, she walks side by side with Avery as they sit at a table a few rows away from us, the same one they’ve been at for the past few years, too. We have a perfect view of each other’s tables, something we worked out once we started becoming closer, and our glances turned to lingering stares.

An elbow nudging my arm makes me turn my head away from Violet, and Olivia points towards Luke, who is carrying two trays. It seems like it wasn’t enough for him to just carry Jinhee’s bag to and from classes. Now, he has to carry her food, too. I want to make a snarky comment, my own bitterness at never being able to do any of that with Violet overtaking me, but luckily, Olivia does instead.

“Lucas, stop being weird. She can carry her own food.”

Although her delivery is a little mean, she phrased it much nicer than I would have. I’m happy that Luke and Jinhee are together, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel a pang of envy every time I see them.

Luke was always so excited and nervous whenever he spoke to me about his crush on her, but I could never tell him about mine. I’ve only ever had a crush on one girl in my entire life and she won’t even give me the time of day. I never understood why it was called that before, but now I do because it feels like my heart is being constricted every time I look at her.

“Okay, but I’m her boyfriend?” he says, puzzled, as he places the trays on the table and then pulls out a chair for Jinhee, who’s right behind him. She drops into the seat and pulls the tray closer to her, clapping her hands together with a grin on her face. Luke sits down as Olivia, and I stand, but I can’t miss the look on his face as he watches Jinhee start to eat, as if she hung the moon and the planets and every star in the sky.

“You guys make me want to throw up,” Olivia remarks as she takes hold of my arm and pulls me towards the food line. I keep my gaze focused ahead as we pass Violet’s table, even though my heart tries to force me to look at her. We grab our food and head back to Luke, and Jinhee and I congratulate myself for going for five minutes without looking at Violet. It felt like an eternity.

We spend the rest of dinner talking about how our days went, and the pressure in my chest lightens as it finally hits me. I’m back at school with my best friends. We have the whole year ahead of us, and I want to make the best of it. I don’t think about what will come after because I know regardless of what happens and what path I take, the three people around me are with me for the rest of my life. I allow myself to steal a glance at Violet, and the voice inside my head whispers that I wish she was part of it, too.

5

VIOLET

The rest of the week passes in a blur, and by the time Friday rolls around, I’m already overwhelmed by the amount of work that I’ll need to do this year. None of my classes have exams until May, but deadlines have already been set for essays, which are due in December. There’s not much preparation I can do for them yet because we’ve only just been introduced to the syllabus for this year, but it’s just another thing to add to my never-ending list of to-dos.

I haven’t even considered how much time I’ll need to spend making sure my personal statement is good enough for university applications. I knew the last year of school would be intense, but I thought they would ease us into it more. Instead, it’s only the first week back, and I’m trying to figure out how long I can hold off on having a breakdown.

When the final bell rings for the day, I say bye to Avery and agree to meet her in the dining hall after Creative Writing Club. I started attending it a few years ago, deciding on a whim to try it out. I’d always been more of a reader than a writer, and I only really planned on going to a few sessions, but then I was given a gift on my fifteenth birthday that made me keep going.

I’ve done my best to avoid Isaac this week, and when we do have to see each other during classes, he hasn’t tried to speak to me again. But that doesn’t mean he hasn’t occupied my thoughts. Even attending writing club makes me think of him because he’s the reason I’m still in it.

I hadn’t realised how much of my life I’d let him into during our first few birthday meetings, how much I shared with him before we were even anything special to each other. I think he’s always been special to me, though, since that very first day.

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