Page 7 of The Story Of Us

Now, I don’t even get to share it with her.

“I’m just stressed about uni and stuff. I also have the LNAT next month, and I still need to do my personal statement.”

The LNAT is a test I need to take as part of my application to study Law at Oxford. Although I don’t want to take it, I still have to because my parents are expecting it from me. My entire life has built up to me following in my parents’ footsteps to study at Oxford, but it’s not what I really want to do.

I don’t tell Luke that the biggest reason I’m stressed is at the thought of seeing Violet tomorrow after so long. I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since we broke up, and once I found out she had come back to school, I realised our first meeting would have to happen in front of all of our classmates. I don’t know how I can face her and pretend that she hasn’t been carrying my broken heart around for the past few months.

Luke approaches me from behind, and the weight of his hands on my shoulders forces me to drop my hands from my eyes. I turn my head to face him, and the reassuring smile he gives me has me placing one of my hands on top of his.

“It’ll be okay. We can write our personal statements together, and I’ll help you with whatever you need for the LNAT. I’m here for you.”

I tap his hand once, and he squeezes my shoulders before letting go. I put my glasses back on before standing, and I wish I could be completely honest with him at this moment because I hate feeling like I’m keeping secrets from him. He has no idea that I stopped planning on going to Oxford, no idea that I went out with Violet, or that we planned a whole future together that’s never going to happen. And maybe that’s why I convince myself not to say anything right now.

I don’t want him to feel like I hid stuff from him because I don’t trust him, but telling him in the past about Violet would have felt like a betrayal to her, and telling him now would just make him pity me. He’s been in a perfectly happy relationship with Jinhee for the past few months, and he’s never questioned why I haven’t dated or spoken about having a crush on anyone before. I think in his mind, I’ve just been focused on school too much to care about anything like that.

He doesn’t know that I’ve only ever liked one girl who captured my attention from the moment we first met. He doesn’t know that I had her and that she was mine, just like I was hers. He doesn’t know that I lost her and it was all my fault.

“I’m here for you, too. Thanks,” I say, and he grins at me before patting my cheek twice.

“Come on, let’s go eat. You’ve been stuck in here all day.”

“Okay, but you’re coming back after to actually help me put this stuff away.” I gesture to the piles of clothes that he made, and he just grumbles and trudges towards the door.

We leave my room, and just as we exit the building’s main door, I see my sister about to enter the girls’ building that’s right across from ours. Luke yells her name, and she spins around before running towards us, jumping onto Luke to hug him.

Sometimes, I think Izzy wishes Luke was her brother instead, and I can’t say I blame her. We’ve grown distant as we’ve gotten older, the pressure from our parents seeming to create a divide between us. Any time we’re home together with them, my mood instantly sours, and I never want to take it out on her, so I just avoid her completely and stay in my room as much as I can.

We don’t get much time together at school either, even though we both live here because we have different lunch hours, and she spends most of her time with her friends on the field hockey team. It never once crossed my mind that I could pursue a sport because I knew my parents wouldn’t allow it, but when Izzy told them she wanted to do it, I convinced them to let her try it out. All I’ve wanted is for her not to feel the pressure I have from them, so I’ve tried my best to protect her from it, but I think that’s what made us grow apart. It’s something I’m determined to fix before I go to university.

“We’re going to get some food. Do you want to join us?” Luke asks, and she agrees instantly, complaining that she hasn’t eaten since lunch, as if it wasn’t only a few hours ago. We start making our way towards the dining hall, and I just listen as Izzy and Luke catch up with each other. I wonder if Violet will be there.

The dining hall stays open all day on move-in weekend so that students don’t have to worry about getting here in time for the set meal hours, which means the possibility of seeing Violet is higher. In past years we’ve coordinated going to the dining hall at the same time so we could see each other without our friends being suspicious of where we were. Last year, just before we made everything between us official, it felt impossible to just watch her from a distance as she sat a few tables away from me. I don’t even want to think about what it’ll be like to see her now, knowing that I can’t speak to her.

We get our food and take it to the usual table that Lucas and I sit at with the girls. It’s not like there’s assigned seating at lunch, but everyone has the table they gravitate towards, and ours is in a prime spot. It’s right next to one of the huge windows that line the walls of the room and only a few feet away from the back exit of the hall, which lets us avoid getting caught in the rush when the warning bell rings for afternoon classes.

I pick at my food, not feeling particularly hungry, but I know I need to eat something. Luke and Izzy have enough personality between them, any way that there won’t be any awkward silences even if I don’t speak. I’m not really paying attention to what they’re saying until I hear the name that’s been engraved in my mind for the past six years.

“Oh, and I saw Violet yesterday, too.”

I look up from my plate and try to hide my surprise at hearing her name coming from my sister’s mouth.

“She’s in your class, right?”

“Yeah, but we don’t talk much,” Luke replies, and I drop my head again to look at my plate, forcing myself to pretend that I don’t care what they’re talking about, that I’m not desperate to hear even just the smallest thing about how she’s doing.

“I thought so. She was in a weird mood yesterday, I don’t know. Usually, she’s nice to me, and we talk whenever we see each other, but it felt like she didn’t want to yesterday.”

I knew Violet and Izzy had become something like friends ever since Izzy moved in, a natural occurrence from living on the same floor, and it always warmed my heart whenever Violet talked about her. But I never imagined she’d take the anger, hurt, whatever it is she feels for me out on my sister.

“What happened?” My curiosity gets the better of me and I can’t help but ask. I hope they both see it as me just being a concerned brother instead of a desperate ex.

“I saw her just after you dropped me off, so I said hi to her, and we walked to our rooms together. I was going to ask if she wanted to come to mine, but as soon as she got to her room, she just ran inside it and said she’d talk to me later. It was just weird. It felt like something was wrong.”

I know exactly what’s wrong, but I can’t tell either of them. She probably knew Izzy would invite her to her room, and she knew that I would be there helping, so of course, she didn’t want to go. But she could have easily just said no, so why did she hide away?

“That is a little weird. Maybe she had an argument with her mum or something?” Luke asks, and I try not to think about the fact that she would usually come to me when that happened.

“Yeah, it could be that. Can you check on her tomorrow to make sure she’s okay?” Izzy asks, directing her attention towards me.

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