Page 37 of The Story Of Us

I let out a sigh, not having a response for him because I can’t tell him that I don’t want an offer. I don’t even want to sit this exam at all.

We make our way to where Olivia and Jinhee are waiting for us on the field, Luke picking up his pace once Jinhee smiles at him. I trail behind him, once again watching him sweep Jinhee into a hug, and I wish I could have done that with Violet just once. Hugged her in front of everyone and held her hand just so everyone would know that I was hers and she was mine. But it never happened, and it never will.

When I reach them, Olivia links her arm through mine, leaning her head on my shoulder as she offers words of encouragement.

“You’ve got this, Isaac.” She squeezes my arm once before letting go, and then Jinhee comes forward, extracting herself from Luke’s grip. She pulls me into a hug and whispers in my ear.

“Just try your best, Isaac. Your worth isn’t measured with an exam. Whatever happens, we’re here for you.”

I hug her tightly, gratefulness overwhelming me as I realise I’m so lucky to have such supportive friends in my life.

But I can’t ignore the fact that the one person’s support I want the most isn’t here. I don’t have the right to lean on her anymore, to get her words of encouragement, and I don’t think I realised how much I needed her until just now. I always thought of her as such a constant in my life that I never imagined not being able to turn to her, but I’ve lost that privilege now.

I say goodbye to my friends and drive home alone. Izzy decided to stay at school because I wouldn’t even be at home, so there was no point in her having to deal with our parents alone. I’m only spending the night here because it’s closer to the test centre where I’ll be taking the exam.

When I walk into the house, my parents are both in the living room watching TV. I try my best to step quietly in an attempt to avoid conversation, once again having some strange hope that they won’t have heard me pull up in the drive or open the front door.

“Isaac?” My mum calls, and I sigh.

I make my way into the living room, standing to the side of the sofa as I look down at my parents. My mother tilts her head to look at me, giving me a tight smile before turning back to look at the TV that my father hasn’t looked away from.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” he asks, not even bothering to turn his head slightly in my direction.

I know it’s a rhetorical question - in his eyes, there’s no doubt that I’m ready, considering he thinks that I’ve been spending all my time studying for it. In reality, I’ve been trying to juggle studying for this, along with homework and working on the project for Violet.

“Yeah, I think I should be fine.”

“You know what we’re expecting from you, right?”

“Yes, I know.”

The test gives a result out of forty-two, with the average being around twenty-four, but I know they expect higher from me to guarantee I get an offer from Oxford. Getting a high score will make the rest of the application process easier by putting me ahead of other applicants, and in my father’s eyes, this is the most important part of the process.

“Make sure you get enough sleep. We’re all up bright and early tomorrow.”

I nod at them, even though they’re not looking at me, and turn on my heel to walk up the stairs to my room.

As I lay on my bed, I felt like I had taken five steps backward with Violet when I had only taken one forward, and that short conversation with my parents had completely drained me. I just want to sleep forever.

I take my glasses off, pressing the heels of my hand into my eyes as I start thinking about how tomorrow is going to go. I spent all summer studying for this exam, hoping that it would be a good distraction from thinking about Violet. But every time I studied, I would think about her and the fact that I had once resolved to never take the exam at all, and that would leave me wanting to stare at the ceiling for hours instead.

Eventually, I decide that I’ve done enough self-wallowing to last a lifetime and force myself to sit up, putting my glasses back on. I pull out my phone from my pocket, scroll through the notifications, and pretend I’m not looking for a certain name to be there. Instead, Luke’s name pops up, and I tap the message to see what he wants.

Luke

You didn’t tell me how it went today with Violet

Isaac

Terribly

Luke

It can’t have been that bad

Isaac

It was

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