Page 40 of Keep Me

Does he like me? Are we more than friends? What. Is. Going. On.

Ryker clears his throat. “I can’t offer you anything more than something physical…I need to focus on the draft and I don’t do relationships.”

My romantic heart deflates into a sad puddle. I should’ve known, yet I always hope for the best. Sometimes that positivity stuff I have going on can make letdowns really fucking hard. The worst part is that I find myself wanting whatever he’ll give me.

If my parents find me soon and I’m forced to go home, at least I can say I had this with him, with the man who makes me feel safe, wanted, and happy.

“Why’s that?” I ask, needing to know why if I’m going to consider what he’s offering.

I expect him to grunt and tell me to mind my business, but he doesn’t.

“My dad left my mom when I was twelve. I haven’t heard from him since that day.” He swallows roughly, his jaw ticking. “He was always bitching at my mom about how she never had time for him, that she wasn’t fun anymore. She’s a veterinarian, which meant she worked long hours sometimes and he hated that even though those were the days we played ball together. That’s how I grew my love for the sport.”

I bring my hand up to his jaw, rubbing my thumb across it to offer some sort of comfort. “I’m sorry.”

“I went off track there.” He grimaces. “I’ve grown up with this mindset that if my own blood could leave me, who’s to say someone else won’t? I saw how much it hurt my mom, and I can’t afford that kind of pain or distraction. Not when I have the draft looming over my head. Love is an inconvenience, to put it simply.”

I want to argue with his opinion, explain why I love love and all the beautiful things about it. But I don’t because it’s not something that can just be explained. It needs to be felt, in all the ways it can be.

Love can be your cup of coffee in the solitude of an early morning, evening cuddles with your pet on the couch, or running around with your siblings outside in the summer sunshine. It can also be the thing that gets your heart thudding so loud you can’t hear the thoughts in your head that haze your judgment and allows you just to feel.

It’s electric, passionate, and consuming. Not that I would know romantic love, but from what I’ve seen in my life, I think my opinion would be deemed accurate.

“I’m sorry that happened to you. He lost out on knowing a great man,” I murmur, my chest tightening at the image of a young Ryker wondering if and when his dad would ever come back. I can’t imagine the kind of pain he’s endured.

My eyes fill with tears at the thought of what he lost and how much it’s affected his view on life.

“Don’t waste your tears on me,” he orders softly, rubbing his thumb across the small of my back while his other hand gently wipes them away.

I shake my head, keeping my thoughts to myself. “Where does that leave us?” I ask as if there’s even an us.

“Like I said, I don’t date. But I care about you, princess, and I want you to myself. We can be friends with benefits…if that’s something you want,” he offers, those blue eyes locked intently on mine.

“You’re the only guy I’ve felt safe with in years…and I’d like to explore that further, for myself.” I blush, instantly feeling shy.

“Me too,” he whispers, his hand on my back rubbing small circles.

“You can’t be with anyone else,” I state because I don’t like to share.

Ryker chuckles, the sound startling, yet wholesome to my ears since I don’t hear that often. “Princess, I haven’t even been able to look at another girl since I laid eyes on you at that gala.”

Keep your cool, I repeat over and over in my head, but my heart doesn’t get the same memo as it dances wildly in my chest.

“The gala…I didn’t even go to last year’s.”

Quentin surprised me with a week-long vacation in Costa Rica for Christmas, so I skipped last year’s annual Christmas Eve Gala.

“I know…that’s how long you’ve been running rampant in my mind,” he admits, and if it were possible, I’d be melting into a puddle right now. He really needs to stop saying things like this if all we’re going to be is friends with benefits.

Ryker’s lips tip to the right, a shy grin on his lips. “So don’t worry, princess, I’m all yours.”

“Good.”

“And no one touches you while you’re mine, got it?” His words skate over my skin, spreading warmth in their path.

“When will it end?” I bring up the lingering question that neither of us wants to talk about. I already know my heart is going to take a hit, and I’d like to know when.

Ryker’s hand on my lower back pauses. “Maybe when I get drafted in July, since I’ll have to move. My agent has been in talks with Detroit and New York so far, but I could be going anywhere.”

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