Page 22 of King of Guilt

I could have pulled away, but I didn’t.

I might have even kept my eyes open in anticipation of what she could have wanted to do next. But instead, I closed them.

A rare serenity took over me as I focused on my heartbeats, keeping rhythm with hers against my back. Silently, we laid there, as if again… the words didn’t matter at all.

Fully clothed and hardly conscious, I tried to regulate my breathing as I felt the hot air of her breath against the back of my head. Warmth soon took over me, as if her arms were the real shelter from the raging storm outside.

Every time I was about to fall asleep, I would urge my mind to remain present, feeling for any movement she might make.

But she didn’t move.

In fact, nothing happened.

Nothing at all.

Just us existing in this place together, barely fighting off sleep.

Why did I do that?

Why was I so afraid of falling asleep like this?

It didn’t matter now, since I could no longer fight the comfort that was taking over me, inch by inch… every part of me fell asleep.

In my wife’s arms.

eleven

Stalling

Emma

In the morning, I made it a point to wake up before Dean did, so that I could slip off to my suite to shower and get ready. In the shower, I recalled the peacefulness of our slumber through the night. I had only woken up once at dawn, and when I looked at him, he had the most serene look on his face. Glad that I could help with that, I tried not to think about how I hadn’t earned that penthouse his mother had supposedly left me.

Over breakfast, Dean and I didn’t exchange any words after a polite, ‘Good morning’. As I silently drank my coffee, I opened his calendar on my tablet. I found a half-hour gap available at one-thirty this afternoon, so I squeezed my name in for a meeting alone with him.

Our morning went about the way all the days had been going for the past month. God, had it really been a month since I had agreed to marry him?

It felt like an eternity.

When it was time for my meeting with Dean, I picked up the phone and called him. “Yes, Emma,” he immediately answered. “Please, come on in.”

Drawing a deep breath, I grabbed nothing but my personal phone and marched on, walking into his office with my head held up high. “Hi.” I smiled as I closed the door.

“Hi.” He tilted his head, his face expressionless, while he watched me walk toward the chair across from him. As soon as I sat down, he asked, “Here to finish last night’s discussion?”

“Do you mind?”

He shrugged. “Not at all.”

“Okay.” I paused, staring into his eyes. “When would you like me to leave?”

“I’ve been thinking about that. I must admit that, since I wasn’t aware of the dynamics of your personal life, I didn’t know how a quick divorce was going to affect it.” Looking away, he slowly nodded. “That was selfish of me.”

“No, Dean.” I tried to keep my voice calm, hiding emotions I couldn’t even name. “You were losing the most important person in your life. I hold no resentment. I came into this agreement knowing what it entailed.”

“Well.” He looked away for a moment before getting up, marching toward the bar. “Drink?”

“No, thanks.”

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