Page 88 of Love Lies Bleeding

I know, even before he says the words, I know the only reason he would’ve hidden it from me is because the truth is just too awful. I shuffle back, dropping my hand from his touch as he reaches out to try and stop me, but I can feel my body shutting down, my emotions going cold before he even utters the words.

“It was your father.”

“No!”

I scramble back, almost tripping on my dress as I stand before he reaches for me. I step out of his reach as he falls to his knees in front of me, the bowtie he’s worn all night hanging loose around his neck, his hair disheveled from my fingers.

“Blossom, listen, it’s not true. The file was fake. It was all bullshit. The man we stole the car from did die, but two days earlier and it was nothing to do with us stealing his car. His wife shot him after years of abuse. I was nowhere near your father’s car when it was stolen.”

“You promise?”

Relief hits me so hard that my legs give way and Jake catches me as we go down. His strong arms hold me as I shake, my emotions so scrambled that I don’t know what to feel. He cradles me against him as we sit like that on my living room floor for what feels like forever, both of us silent as we process the revelation.

Eventually, I slide out from under his arms and he lets me go as I step back, putting the coffee table I painstakingly restored between us. Jake watches me, his expression guarded and I don’t know how to let go of this anger.

“I don’t know where we go from here, Jake. You’ve told me what happened but it doesn’t change the outcome. I left Harvard, the place my father dreamed of going, under an ugly cloud. It colored every decision I made going forward. I gave up on my dream career. But what was so much worse was that I stopped believing in love. I fought not to fall for you. Then when I did, I fell so hard that when the rug was pulled away, I smashed into the rocks and I was left putting fragments of myself back together.”

Tears sting my eyes and, for once, I let them fall. If we’re to have any hope of making this right, he needs to see how his actions impacted my life.

“I know, baby.”

I shake my head. “No, you don’t know. I was destroyed. I couldn’t eat, I barely slept. I was a shell, and I was so ashamed for being a fool and falling for someone out of my league that I never shared a word of our time together with anyone for months. It was only when my mom dragged me to the doctor, thinking I was sick, that I got my shit together and realized that I didn’t even have the luxury of falling apart because I had people who needed me. Your actions did that.”

I hold my hand up as he goes to speak. “I know you didn’t mean it, I know you were in an awful spot, but if you had only trusted me, and believed me then this wouldn’t have happened.”

My chest is heaving as I feel the last of the anger drain from me having allowed myself to voice aloud the pain I had felt. His scent surrounds me and all I want is to feel his arms around me, but I need him to understand. Forgiveness isn’t like flipping a switch, at least not for me. Yes, a burden has lifted tonight but it will take time for me to trust him again, if that is even what he wants. “You were a coward.” My voice is softer as I move to sit beside him.

Jake winces but he doesn’t shy away from my angry words or reach for me.

“I was. I chose my fear of losing your love over your future and lost anyway. I think in my head, I couldn’t stand the thought of you thinking I killed your dad. I hoped one day you’d forgive me for stealing your future. It was selfish and wrong and my biggest regret. I am truly, truly sorry, Blossom. If I live to be a thousand, I’ll never be able to make up for the pain I caused you, but I want to try.”

And just like that, my anger at him dies, turning to dust in the face of his truth and honesty. I crawl into his open arms and bury my head in his neck, as he holds me like I’m the most precious thing in the world. Had he denied my accusation or tried to defend himself, I might have fought harder to forgive him. But the truth is, he made a mistake from fear and as I sit in his arms on my living room floor, I’m not sure I would’ve done things any differently. Jake didn’t engineer what happened to hurt me, he didn’t knowingly put me in that position. He just made an impossible choice from two options that both had tragically heartbreaking outcomes.

“You picked the choice that would hurt me the least.”

His nod brushes his lips against my temple. “I knew if you thought you’d fallen in love with your father’s killer, it would destroy you. This way you lost but you got to hate me without hating yourself.”

It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but I know in my heart he’s right. I would’ve hated myself, and though his actions were to protect himself, I can see he was thinking of me too.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you a coward.”

Jake’s arms flex around my waist. “You were right, I was a coward. I should have checked the facts but I panicked and when I did find out, I was too ashamed to come after you.”

“I’m not sure I would’ve listened back then. I can be a bit stubborn when I’m mad.”

Jake’s eyebrow rose and a smirk twitches on his lips. “A bit?”

“Oh, shut up.” I swat his chest and he catches my hand and brings my fingertips to his lips.

“What happens now?” I ask as butterflies flutter in my belly from his touch. “I do forgive you, Jake, but trusting you is going to take longer.”

He nods as he twines our fingers together, seeming to need the contact. “I know, Blossom. I have a lot of work to do to put right the wrongs I caused you, but if you give me the chance, I won’t ever let you down again.”

“You’d better not, I have friends that would happily help me hide your body if you fuck up again, Jake, and that includes Hunter.”

Jake chuckles, his eyes bright and full of love.

“You have my word.”

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