Page 72 of The Right Move

In theory, it’s a simple question with a simple answer. But trust is the most complicated belief in my world of black and white. If most people asked the question, it’d be an easy no, but with Indy, after only weeks of knowing her, the answer is undoubtedly, “Yes.”

Looking over at her, her expression is soft, hopeful.

“What?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing. I just know how big that is coming from you.”

I stroke the back of her hand with my thumb as I turn my body to face her, the only remaining space between us is where our hands are connected.

“Will you tell me a secret?” she asks quietly. “Something no one else knows.”

Without hesitation, Marissa and the month following my college graduation runs through my mind. It’s my biggest secret. Only my sister knows what I lost, but as much as I trust Indy, I’m not sure if I’m ready to share.

Instead, I offer her another secret, something just as true. “You make me feel relaxed. Like I can be myself.”

She holds eye contact, reading me before breaking into a laugh. “Don’t lie to me, Shay. You constantly complain about how messy I am. No way in hell do I relax you.”

“You’re chaotic as fuck, Blue, but you bring me more peace than anyone else.”

She stops her giggling.

“Yes, I worry about you and that stresses me out. And you’ve practically shit a rainbow all over my apartment which almost gave me an ulcer, but when you’re home I don’t feel like I have to put on a show. I have a hard time with new people. I’m sure you know that by now. But with you, I can be myself, and that might seem like nothing to anyone else, but to me, it’s everything.”

Silence lingers between us, but I wish she’d just fucking say something.

“Stop being nice to me or you’re going to make me cry.”

I smile at that. “You always cry.”

“I know! But that was really nice to hear, Ryan.”

Fisting my free hand, I keep it at my side, holding back from touching her. I don’t want her to misinterpret my reasoning for being vulnerable. I did it simply because she deserves to hear how special she is.

“Since you didn’t give me the secret I wanted, I’ll just ask. You can decide if you answer.”

Pausing, I give her time to ask the question I inevitably know is coming.

“Why don’t you date?”

Exhaling, I scrub my free hand over my head.

Fuck it. I already know I’m going to give her the not so pretty details one day. “The last woman I was in a relationship with tried to get knocked up so she’d get eighteen years of child support from me.”

Indy stays eerily silent.

“As if she did get pregnant with my child, I wouldn’t be involved.” I chuckle without much humor behind it.

“Ryan—”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You won’t date because of that. That’s why you have a hard time trusting people? This is the woman from college?”

I nod, silently answering both questions.

In a rare moment, Indy is speechless, maybe picking up on the fact I don’t want to talk about this any longer. But she gives me her silent support through the squeeze of my hand.

“Will you tell me a secret now?” I ask.

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