Page 180 of The Right Move

“Please don’t tell him how shitty my coffee was!” Rio shouts from the kitchen.

Ryan’s Range Rover sits parked on the curb outside the front of the house, windows rolled up, but I can see him reclined in the driver’s seat with a coat bundled around him.

Tapping on the glass, I stir him awake.

He startles, taking a moment to reacclimate himself to his surroundings until his attention falls to me, just outside the window. His brows pull in, but a breath of relief blows from his lips.

I assumed he’d roll down his window so we could talk, but instead, Ryan opens his door and instantly pulls me into his body. Standing and swaying, he keeps his chin on my head and holds on to me like he never plans on letting me go.

“Did you get some sleep?” he asks.

“Not really. Did you?”

“Not really.”

“I would bring you a cup of coffee, but Rio’s coffee sucks compared to yours.”

His laugh rumbles in his chest, until finally, he pulls away enough to see me. “Please come home.”

Tears prick the back of my eyes. “Ryan, I can’t.”

“Please, Ind.”

“Do you remember what you said to me the first morning we had breakfast together? You told me that I should never have to beg someone to be ready for a future. And I won’t. Not again. Those were your words, Ryan.”

His eyes close as he runs his palm down his face. When they reopen, they’re as glassy as mine.

“You don’t have to beg, Ind. I’ll give you everything you could want.”

I’d love to believe him. Everything would feel better if I did, but I know deep down it would only fix the hurt on the surface. Ryan has never once shown any signs of wanting the family I do, and I blindly turned away as if I didn’t notice. Anytime children came up in conversation, his desire for them was always used in past tense.

“But is it what you want? Or would you have children with me just because it’s what I want? Ryan, I love you far too much to allow you to spend the rest of your life fulfilling my every wish if those dreams aren’t yours also.”

“They are,” he begs me to understand. “I told you, I’m in it.”

It might hurt, but I don’t know how else to get him to comprehend my fear that the words he’s saying could just be pretty words he knows I want to hear.

“Ryan, I spent six years hearing those exact words.”

He jolts, his head falling back to his car. “I’m not him.”

“I know you’re not. I just want you to understand where I’m coming from. Yesterday scared me, Ry.”

“I didn’t mean to say that. To compare you to her. I didn’t really even think that.”

As if it were second nature to him, Ryan thumbs under my eyes, more concerned with my emotions than his own.

“You could tell me until you’re blue in the face that you want to have kids with me, but what if that was my test? What if I really was pregnant? You were petrified, almost upset, thinking I was. Ryan, promised words don’t mean much when that reaction was our reality.”

His Adam's apple moves in a deep swallow. “I know. I fucked up and I’ll own that.”

“Let’s think for a second, okay?”

“I don’t need to think! I know what I want.”

“But I do need to think,” I say softly. “I love you, Ryan. So much, but I can’t go back to that apartment right now when I know the second I walk through the door, I’ll forget about everything simply because being there with you makes me happy. I owe myself a moment to think clearly. This is the rest of my life. Yours too.”

He blows out a deep exhale, looking away from me as he tries to come to terms that I’m not going home with him today.

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