Page 151 of The Right Move

Those four questions consume me, blind me as they repeat over and over while I watch the girl I’m completely gone for with another man. And I have to get on a plane, leave Chicago, and pray that I’m enough.

It’s a twenty-minute drive to the airport and I give her that much time before I call her.

“Hi,” she says, swallowing.

And I know her well enough that she’s swallowing down emotions.

“Are you okay?”

Exiting the bus, I linger on the tarmac as the rest of the guys board the airplane.

A sob breaks free from her chest. “Yes.”

“Indy.” I close my eyes, sighing. “Fuck.”

Not only do I hate hearing her upset, but not knowing exactly why is eating me alive.

Scrubbing a hand over my head, I pace the quickly cleared tarmac and listen to her broken breaths and sniffling nose.

Finally, she says, “I’m fine, Ryan.”

There’s a bite to her words and I’m not sure if she wants me to leave her alone or if she’s simply trying to sound unaffected.

Tension lingers on the line.

“He wants you back, doesn’t he?”

She doesn’t answer, and my heart plummets from her blaring silence.

“What exactly did he say?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“How could you say it doesn’t matter, Ind? It clearly matters to you. You’re upset.”

“I’m processing. That’s a lot of years to say goodbye to.”

Fuck. None of this is what I wanted to hear, but I’m not sure what I expected. Did I really think she was going to answer the phone and tell me she told him to fuck off or that he didn’t affect her at all?

Indy is sensitive. Initially, it turned me off, but it’s what eventually made me fall so hard for her, her openness to feel. Of course, that conversation would affect her. She wouldn’t be her if it didn’t.

But what I need her to tell me is that nothing changes between us and clearly, she can’t.

“Shay, let’s go!” one of the team staff members shouts from the top of the aircraft stairs.

“Blue…” I begin but can’t seem to find the words.

I need to tell her how much I want her. I need to tell her I can give her the life she’s always wanted if she would let me. I need to tell her anything that will make her forget about that fucking conversation with the guy who’s done nothing but make her feel like she’s not enough, yet too much all at the same time.

“You have to go, Ryan.”

“Shay!” I hear again.

“Goddammit.” I inhale a deep breath, beginning up the stairs to the plane. “Take all the time you need, Indy. I understand, or at least I’m going to try to. Have a safe flight tomorrow.”

I hang up the line because I care about her enough to understand this moment isn’t about me. Yes, the lack of control and the unknown might just kill me, but how fucking selfish would I be if I didn’t give her a moment to process?

But even though I’m trying to be a good guy, the overwhelming realization that I may have misread everything, like a love-sick fool, just as I’ve done before with another woman, eats at me as I slip into my seat for takeoff.

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