Page 174 of The Right Move

“Did you do this—” he begins before stopping himself, shaking his head.

Eyes widening, I take a step back and away from him, putting my hands up in defense.

“Fuck.” He stretches for me, regret in his voice, but I keep myself out of reach. “No, Ind, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Ask the question, Ryan.”

He stands, shaking his head as he slowly steps towards me, but I mirror his actions, retracting at the same pace.

“No, baby, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Fear bubbles inside of me. “Ask the fucking question, Ryan!”

I refuse to cry when he refuses to speak. I’m too angry to cry. Too mad at myself for falling in love with a man who made it clear he didn’t want the same things I did from the beginning.

“Ask me if I did it on purpose,” I say for him. “That’s what you’re wondering, right?”

Ryan’s eyes gloss over, regret pulling at every feature. “I’m not putting this on you, Indy. I’m just scared out of my goddamn mind and I’m fucking exhausted and I’m not thinking straight. I’m not reacting the right way.”

For the first time in our relationship, I’m not the emotional one. He’s on the verge of all out crying and I’m not sure if it’s because he thinks I’m pregnant and that’s the last thing he wants or if believes I betrayed him by getting knocked up.

He circles the kitchen island to meet me, but I maintain distance, my back to the front door.

“Blue, please.”

He looks equally sad as he does hurt and part of me wants to hug him, but most of me is angry that he’d ever think I’d trap him, even for a second.

“You don’t need to be scared, Ryan. I’m not pregnant. It’ll be a miracle if that ever happens so thank you for reminding me of that and thank you for reminding me that the last thing you want in life is the thing I desire most.” I exhale a humorless laugh. “We’ve never been on the same page, have we?”

With parted lips, Ryan’s brows pinch together. “Indy.” He squeezes the bridge of his nose. “I just need a moment to wrap my head around this. I…I didn’t expect it.”

Clearly, Ryan is ignoring the part where I told him I’m not pregnant. Maybe he’s in shock. Maybe he can’t grasp any of this. I’m trying to be understanding of his fears, but I refuse to spend my life convincing another man to want the same things I want.

“Sometimes I wish you had a normal job because then maybe you could trust there are no ulterior motives to loving you.” Snagging my keys off the kitchen island, I quickly slip out into the hall. “Take all the time you need, Ryan.”

“Indy!” I hear him shout through the door, but I don’t turn around.

39

RYAN

I should go after her, but I can’t. All my feet are willing to do is pace the length of the living room as I freak the fuck out.

I completely blacked out. I can’t recall half of what she said, but I know I fucked up.

I didn’t mean to react that way, but my God, the look on her face. She wasn’t even crying and that’s the scariest part of all. My emotional girl wasn’t emotional at all. She was hurt and I caused that.

This is what I’ve wanted. I just didn’t expect it so soon. I’m a planner, a preparer. I would meet her parents, ask her to marry me, then do everything in my power to make her a mom. I’m not accustomed to my plan going out of order. I don’t just dream and hope for the best.

At least, I didn’t dream before her.

For only a split second, I saw Marissa standing in front of me. I relived that day she told me she was pregnant. I went through every emotion I felt for those nine months I thought I was going to be a dad. I was thrown back into that evening at the hospital when I found out her daughter wasn’t mine. Every painful second of that day flashed in front of my eyes before the fog cleared and I saw Indy in front of me.

They’re not the same. They’ve never been the same, and I treated Indy as if they were.

God, what the fuck is wrong with me? I’m equal parts ecstatic now that the realization is settling in, and terrified that I ruined what should be one of the best days of our lives.

She must be so upset. This is everything she’s ever wanted, and I made her believe I didn’t.

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