Page 93 of Staying Selfless

Tilting my head, I eye the satin number again. “I like the way that sounds.” I add it to the quickly growing stack of dresses on my arm.

As soon as I start fiddling with a long-sleeved blush pink dress, a sales associate approaches. “Can I get a fitting room started for you?”

“Oh, that’d be great. Thank you.” I hand over the few dresses in my hand.

“And how about for you?” She turns to an empty-handed Ali who can’t seem to break her stare from the pretty pink number in my hand.

I can’t pull this color off, but it will look stunning with Ali’s olive skin and dark hair. And as much as she loves her plaid pants and Doc Martens, I know she can’t resist a soft pink number, which is precisely why I picked it up in the first place.

She lets out a defeated sigh, taking the blush dress from my grasp before handing it over to the woman. “Yeah, I need one, too.”

My chest shakes in a laugh as the associate walks towards the fitting rooms.

“You said you don’t wear pink.” She casually shrugs as if that’s the only reason she had to try it on.

Ali grabs a few more options, all in black, before we head back to find our designated rooms.

As soon as I close the door to mine, my eyes fall on the deep green dress, but I reach for the lavender one instead. This purple dress is covered in lace and cinches at the waist, flowing away from my lower body. I don’t know why, but this just seems like the kind of dress you’d wear as a wedding guest, so I decide to try it on first.

“So, do you want to tell me why you’re freaking out?” I ask Ali in the room across from hers.

Thankfully we have the area to ourselves, so Ali can throw out as many F-bombs as she wants without any judgmental stares.

“I don’t fucking know!”

I try to contain my laughter as I peel my jacket and boots off, but I always find it humorous when my little spitfire gets worked up. She’s small, but there’s so much energy in her tiny body.

“Okay,” I softly say, trying to keep her levelheaded. “You’re obviously concerned about something. Why don’t we start there? What are you worrying about right now, in this moment?”

I step into the lavender dress before reaching behind me and clasping it around my bust. I cock my head as I examine myself in the mirror. The fit is perfect, and the shape is pretty. Overall, it’s...nice. I don’t know what I don’t like about it. It’s sweet and innocent, covering plenty of my body, but this also feels like a dress I would’ve picked six months ago when I was a completely different person.

I hear Ali’s door open, so I open mine too, facing her. She stands in the doorway of her fitting room wearing a spicy little black number, just like every dress she chose besides the blush pink one.

“I’m worried that Marc is the guy,” she admits.

Well, that wasn’t even close to what I was expecting her to say.

My shoulders drop as my expression fills with confusion for my friend. “Why is that a bad thing?”

“It wouldn’t be if it were five years from now.”

I follow her out to the couch located in the middle of the fancy fitting room, taking a seat on the end opposite her.

“Do you remember the first day you and I met, and I told you I didn’t want to tie myself down to one person? That I wanted to experience a world full of people?”

How could I forget? That was one of the first conversations I ever had with my new friend, and I was surprised to find out how differently we viewed relationships.

“Well, I was serious,” she says. “I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship.”

“And you still feel that way? Even after all the time you’ve spent with Marc?”

She averts her guilty gaze from mine but still doesn’t answer me. Finally, she faces me again, and I can see the heaviness that’s weighing on her, just by her expression.

“I don’t know. I’m so confused. That’s the problem. I promised myself that I wouldn’t tie myself to one person until I was truly ready to settle down and knew who I was, but I didn’t think that person would come along when I was twenty-two.”

Even though I can tell that Ali is struggling internally, I can’t help but smile that she refers to Marc as ‘that person.’

“Why do you think you don’t know who you are yet? Since we met, I’ve always felt like you have such a strong sense of who you are.”

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