Page 7 of Staying Selfless

“I know. Now get out of my truck, so I can go home and ice it.”

Marc opens his door before stumbling out, and I quickly realize there’s no way in hell that he’s going to be able to walk upstairs alone.

“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath as I round the truck and drape Marc’s arm over my shoulder to help him walk inside.

As soon as I get him to his hall, my stomach drops just from seeing Logan’s door. I’ve tried to avoid coming here as much as possible, but unfortunately, my brother didn’t let me tonight.

“Keys.” I hold out my open palm to him.

He pats around his pockets as he leans against the wall, coming up empty in his search.

“Fuck,” he sighs, dropping his head back. “I left them at the hockey house.”

A frustrated groan escapes me. Typically, Marc is the responsible one, but here I am, taking care of him.

“Alright, let’s go.” I attempt to usher him back to the elevator. “You can crash at the house with me, and I’ll take you back to the hockey house tomorrow to find your keys.”

“No,” he stubbornly says with a shake of his head. “Logan has my spare in her room.”

“I’m not going in there.”

“I’ll go.” He holds an open hand to me. “Give me her key.”

“Marc, just come home with me.”

“EJ, it’s fine. Just stay here. I’ll be right back.” He nods towards my keys again.

I begrudgingly put my keys in his open palm as he finds Logan’s spare on the ring.

I wait outside of her room, in the hall, as he unlocks her door. He has a hard time getting the key in the lock due to his drunken state, but I’m not helping him. I can’t go near that room without my anxiety seeping in. There are way too many memories I’m trying to suppress from those four walls.

Her door creaks as Marc makes his way into the pitch-black room before the light eventually spills into the hall. I watch it all from my spot down the corridor.

“Logan?” I hear my brother ask in disbelief.

My jaw slacks, and the blood leaves my face hearing her name as I rush over to Logan’s doorway. I turn the corner, and that’s when I see her. The face I’ve pictured every day for the last three weeks, the girl I’ve cried over and lost sleep because of, the love of my life, is right there in her bed.

And she didn’t even tell me she was back.

“Hi,” she says, building me up and breaking me down all at once.

Chapter 3

Logan

It’s been three weeks...I think. To be honest, the days have dragged on, but they’ve also flown by. I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel like I’ve been living in a fog, drowning and unable to come up for air. I can’t remember the last time I breathed.

At least, that’s what it feels like.

My days in California were dark, even though the west coast sun was shining as it usually does in December. I spent way too many days and nights in a bleak hotel room by myself. Sometimes I couldn’t get out of bed, then when I did, I realized that a day or two had already passed. I kept my curtains drawn to drown out the sun, causing time to stand still and fly by all the same.

I shockingly missed the Minnesota chill and dreary sky. It would’ve matched the way my mind has looked much more accurately than the California sun did.

The only bright parts of my days were when Eli’s handsome face would pop into my mind. He would light me up for just a moment, but then I would remember his heart-broken expression when I drove away from him that day, three weeks ago, and the guilt would make things dark again.

I felt lost. I still do, to be honest. It’s like I’ve been drifting around, trying to find my way out of the grief I’ve fallen into, but there’s no exit. It’s just more of the same.

The first time I looked in the mirror, I was shocked. I looked so different, but my outward appearance matched my emotions perfectly. I looked disheveled and hollow, and just not like me.

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