Page 58 of Staying Selfless

“No! No, you have to go, Eli,” she frantically says. “It’s your birthday. I’ll go if it’ll make you go.”

“Baby, I don’t want to go. We both know that party isn’t really for me anyway. Besides, I would much rather go back to my parents’ house, pour myself a whiskey, and read this.” I hold up the blue envelope in my hands. “This is probably the best birthday present you could’ve given me, Logan.”

“We’re still going to spend the day together tomorrow, though, right?”

“Of course,” I reassure her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I’m looking forward to spending my birthday with you.”

As much as I don’t want to leave Logan right now, I’m trying to remember the deal we made in that I would give her space to heal on her own as long as she’s open in communication with me. Marc’s words are ringing in my mind, reminding me of her independence. I would love to stay here all night with her, but until she tells me she’s ready for me to be my clingy and needy self, I can’t. Besides, tonight isn’t about me. Logan just got the closure she’s been so desperately wanting, and what she needs is a moment alone to realize it.

“Also. This outfit.” I motion towards her body, overly checking her out from head to toe. “Oh, baby.” I playfully bite down on my knuckles.

“I was really about to kill it, babe.”

“Oh, I can tell.” I look her up and down once more.

I stand from her bed, with my letter in my hand, as Logan stands with me. I wrap her up in a hug so tightly that I end up lifting her off the ground. She swings her legs around my waist like the little koala she is as I hold her in my embrace.

“I love you so much, Eli,” she whispers against my cheek.

“I love you so much too, Logan. It’s kind of ridiculous.”

“Thank you for everything. You deserve a medal or something for your patience.”

“You’re kind of worth it,” I remind her before I place her back on her feet and press my needy lips to hers.

Once I separate my mouth from hers, I place them against her cheek, her temple, and finally her collarbone, where I leave them lingering longer than usual.

“Goodnight, Logan.” I finish with one more kiss before exiting her room and leaving her to bask in the best news she’s gotten since her mom passed.

Chapter 18

Eli

When I make it back to my parents’ house, I shake the snow off my jacket before wiping my shoes on the entryway mat. Then, I strip off my extra layers before hanging them on the hook by the front door. Finally, I shoot Marc a text letting him know that I won’t be going back to the hockey house tonight.

E: Hey man, calling it a night. Don’t feel like partying. Gonna hang at the house instead.

M: Okay. Is Logan with you?

E: No. She’s at her dorm, but she’s okay.

M: I’m coming over then. It’s your birthday. You shouldn’t be hanging by yourself.

E: Honestly, I just want to be alone. Everything is good. Have fun.

The only thing that sounds more appealing than a glass of whiskey while reading this letter, is Logan being here with me while I do. But at the same time, I kind of feel like this is between her mom and me, and it’s probably best that I read it alone.

Switching my phone to silent, I leave it on the kitchen counter before pouring myself a drink from the bar cart. I take a seat on the living room couch, which has also been considered my bed for the last five or six weeks now.

This ‘bed’ is a pretty sad makeshift one, if do say so myself. The sofa is draped with a single blanket and pillow, but it works, I guess. It’s not like I sleep soundly unless Logan is with me anyway, so it really doesn’t matter where I try to crash. It’s going to be shit sleep regardless.

Sitting towards the edge of the couch, I lean forward with my whiskey glass on the coffee table in front of me. The letter that Logan’s mom wrote me is in my fiddling hands as I mentally prepare myself to read her words.

I don’t know too much about Josie. Logan has had a hard time opening up about her, but I get the feeling I’m about to learn a whole lot about the kind of woman and mother she was.

Needing the courage, I take a sip of the amber liquid before finally opening the blue envelope in my hands. Logan’s mom wrote this letter with a green pen, just as every envelope was inked, and I don’t know why, but I find that oddly charming. It’s as if blue and black were too formal, so she went with green instead.

I take one more swig of my whiskey before reading Josie’s words.

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