Page 31 of Staying Selfless

“It’s hard, EJ. It’s really hard not to be selfish right now. I know you want her to reassure you that everything will be okay because it’ll make you feel better. But you’ve got to take your feelings out of it. You’ve got to understand that in her mind, everything is not okay, but that’s not about you. That’s about the loss she’s experiencing. This isn’t something small and juvenile. These are real life adult emotions that she’s experiencing. Things that someone her age should never have to feel.”

When I take myself out of the situation and think about what Logan has been through, and not just in the last few weeks, but in her life, I feel terrible. She needed some time to grieve and heal, and I told her I was mad at her because she didn’t return a few texts and left me hanging for three weeks. What the fuck is wrong with me?

“I don’t know what to do,” I swallow. “I want to make things better for her, but I don’t know how to save her from this.”

“You can’t save her. You can only love her and support her.” Mary runs her hand over my back, trying to make me feel better. “I will say you picked one tough girl to fall in love with, and she doesn’t need saving. From the sounds of it, she never has. So, try to remember who she really is, not just the sad version you’ve known for the last month.”

I glance down at Mary, giving her a skeptical but impressed look. “When did you get so wise? You and I are supposed to be the cute ones, not the smart ones.”

“I don’t know,” she playfully admits. “I’ve been spending too much time with your father over the last twenty-two years. It was bound to rub off on me eventually.

“One more thing,” she adds. “Not to get all preachy on you like your dad does, but I know part of the reason you fell for Logan is because she’s strong. That’s one of the things we love about her too. If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be to remind her of that. I’m sure she feels pretty weak right now, but she’s not. And neither are you. You guys will get through this. Just be patient.”

One of my arms is already draped over her shoulders, so I wrap the other one around and pull her in for a tight hug.

“Mary, I love you.”

“You better,” she says with sarcasm as she pats my back. “I wiped your ass as a child after all.”

My parents have both done a really good job of raising us to communicate openly with each other. I might not do it well with others, but when it comes to the four of us, their humor and understanding have always created a healthy environment and an open flow of conversation without judgment.

“Can I ask you something?” We begin to walk back to find my dad, my arm still draped over Mary’s shoulders. “Since we’re having a sappy love-fest right now.”

“Of course, honey.”

“Does it bother you that I call you by your name and not ‘Mom?’”

Mary stops in her tracks and turns to me. “EJ, where is this coming from?”

“I don’t know.” I innocently shrug. “I’ve just been thinking about Logan’s mom a lot, and it just made me wonder if it hurt your feelings that I never call you my mom. I mean, you are the one who raised me after all.”

“Okay, please don’t make me cry. I am not your father.” Her voice is laced with sarcasm as she throws her hands up in defense.

“No. It’s never bothered me once,” Mary says with confidence. “I’m proud that your mom lives on in your life. That was important to your dad and me that you’d know about her. And I know you view me as your mother in all the ways that matter in my heart. To me, ‘Mary’ is just another word for ‘Mom.’ And as your ‘Mary,’ I want you to know how proud I am of you. Whatever happens today or any day after this, I’m so proud of you, EJ.” She gives me another encouraging squeeze.

“You gonna walk me down the aisle when Logan and I get married or what?” I ask, not being able to hold back my goofy smile.

“Honey, that’s not exactly how it works. But you bet your ass I’m getting that mother of the groom dance.”

A lazy grin pulls at my lips at the thought.

“Can I give you some advice? Since you and I are the smart ones in the family now.”

She looks up and squints her eyes, giving me a skeptical glance.

“Not so fun when you’re on the receiving end, huh?” I tease.

“Let’s, hear it,” she sighs. “I already know what this is about.”

“You’ve gotta ease up on Ali. I think Marc really likes her.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“When did you become such a shit liar?” I laugh.

“I just worry about your brother, is all. After Lauren was so terrible to him, I feel like a protective mama bear. I don’t want my baby to get hurt again.”

“He’s a grown man, Mary.”

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